I don't think I can do it anymore!

[Babyluv]

I've had no sleep, bub started cluster feeding @ 9pm through till midnight slept for an hr & has been feeding since. She falls asleep at the boob but the minute I put her to bed she is awake and wanting to be fed again. I'm finding this mentally & physically exhausting & I don't think I can keep it up

[Tuesday's Child]

Those first few weeks are so tough. If she's falling asleep at the breast, she mightn't be all that hungry. Can DH walk the floor with her for a while so you can get some sleep? DD was similar at that age and I'd be about ready to drop at 4-5am. I'd get DH up and he'd rock, pat, walk DD around while I got some sleep. Even just 30-60 minutes can make a big difference to how you feel. Sometimes it meant DD would be crying that whole time, but it was much safer than me trying to care for/feed her when I was about ready to drop.

I know it doesn't feel like it at 3am but it doesn't last.

Also, have you tried taking her to bed with you? She might be after some extra comfort.

[Babyluv]

I don't understand how she can be hungry but she gets on & guzzles for about 5 mins & then is asleep & nothing but feeding will settle her & I can't bear to let her scream. A few times I fell asleep with her in bed with us at the hospy & at home but the MCHN came & told us at our home visit that it's a SIDS hazard so now it scares me to fall asleep with her.

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

I can't tell from your ticker, but I think she's about 2 weeks old now? The early weeks with a baby are tough going. They generally have no idea of day and night, so will often feed more at night than in the day.
I was wondering, have you had her weighed yet? How did that go - has she put on weight? Back to her birthweight? What are her wet and dirty nappies like? (Colour/quantity). How many feeds would you say she has in 24 hours?
If you don't smoke or drink, put her in bed with you. Remember, a couple of weeks ago she was inside you, held by you all the time, fed all the time. No baby is going to like to be put down to bed alone at this age. The good news is, it does change, and relatively sooner than later.
When she sleeps, jump into bed and get some sleep/rest yourself. You may need to tag team with your partner so that some-one stays up with the baby and the other gets some rest.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

Have you thought about using a dummy?? Co-sleeping does sound like the best way to go...

[Babyluv]

Hi Barb,
She was weighed last week & had put on 130grams. We have a mchn app tomorrow, she wasn't back to her birthweight last week.
She is 2 1/2 weeks now and has lots of mustardy yellow poos & wet nappies, every time I feed I change once or twice.
Her feeds are varying between min 12 & max 18. The past 24 hrs has been a max where she wants to feed constantly, hasn't been to windy she just wouldn't settle. Most of the time she falls to sleep at the boob so I put her to bed and she wakes cries & wants more food. We tried a dummy a few times as last resort but she hates it screams & spits it out, I feel like the only thing that soothes her is the boob.
Neither of us smoke or drink so I might try co sleeping.
I really wanted my bub to be breastfed but I'm finding it so challenging, the lack of sleep is tough.

[Pandora]

130g is a really good weight gain in a week, by the sounds of her nappies you both seem to be doing really well! GL at your appt. If you aren't happy with it you could always see a different mchn or ask for a paed referral, but it really does sound like your doing an awesome job

[DaintreeDream]

Have you tried wrapping her? I know my little one needed to be wrapped, this way she felt like she was being held even once I layed her down whilst continuing to pat her bum for a while.

I also agree that co-sleeping sounds like a good idea for you.

When my DD was little she would also feed and them fall asleep and when I tried to retrieve my nipple she would madly suck and start to cry, this happens with all babies, I got into the habit of gently popping my pinky finger into the corner of the mouth to release the suction, this way I was yanking it out and therefore most of the time she wouldn't madly suck for it (if this makes sense) them I would continue to pat to ensure she was in a deep sleep and start the transition to bed.

As the above posted have said, the first weeks are difficult but it does get better, please use us for strength and knowledge and stick with it, you will be amazed at how much easier it becomes

[Babyluv]

Thanks DaintreeDream, I do wrap her, she is ok coming off the breast but just the transition from boob to bed must wake her just enough for her to decide wait I want more food & I try my hardest to get her to feed more when she is already on the boob because I know she will do this anyway but she won't until she has been put in her bassinet.
I think Barb was right she has day/night mixed up.
Isn't 18 feeds a bit excessive? Feeds range anywhere from 5 mins a side to 20-25 mins a side usually.

[briggsy's girl]

i was petrified of co sleeping cos of the SIDS risk - my DH is a VERY heavy sleeper, and before DD, i was too - but when she was in bed with us, i slept, but not so deeply. i was aware of her being near by. i would feed with her laying down beside me (so i was relaxing while feeding) and then would ensure my arm was sort of wrapped around her (over her head and down beside her) so she couldn't roll up or sideways without me feeling her, and my legs bent so her feet touched them - i could feel every movement,but it never woke me unless i needed to be awake. i wore a singlet or shirt so that i didn't need covers above my waist so there was no risk of her being covered. yeah, the first few times i would startle just as much as her when she woke - simply from not being used to it - but in less than a week, i could sleep the night through, just swapping sides as needed. she would stir, grizzle, i'd attach her and we'd both feed/sleep (i lie - i'd feed, change nappy, feed again). When DD was only three weeks old, DH went away for work, so i had no choice - it was the only way to survive!

yes, it's scary. you get the SIDS stuff thrown at you all the time - but if you read up on safe co-sleeping guidelines it's possible for you to continue BF AND get some much needed sleep. in many cultures, co-sleeping is the norm - you just have to make sure you do it safely.

FWIW - i agree that your baby sounds like she is getting enough. she may just be a snacker rather than a big feeder (mine had reflux and if she filled up, she would be sick - if she snacked, not so much). the first 6 weeks are probably the hardest - getting her used to being on the outside, not having a constant food supply etc. her tummy is so little, and BM is much easier for her to digest, so her tummy fills and empties quickly. even if you can co-sleep during the day when you're not likely to go into a deep deep sleep, but at least get some rest. it's very disheartening when you're so tired and you don't seem to be able to find a "cure" - but see if you can try some other options..


keep in mind too that there is no guarantee that switching to formula will help you out here - if you move to formula, you have to sterilise and prepare bottles which can be exhausting. baby may end up with an upset tum/constipation when switched over too (apparently BM is a bit of a laxative) - and they can't comfort suck on a bottle (air bubbles = wind) so you may still have an unsettled baby. perhaps try a different type of dummy (all babies have different preferences). DD wouldn't take hers at first but, like you, i was at a point i NEEDED time with her not attached to me, so we used to wiggle it in her mouth til she would take it. she has never been a baby that needed her dummy all the time, but it's an awesome alternative to having her attached to me at bed time - she has a drink, falls asleep, as she stirs i replace boob with dummy and she will comfort suck a few times and then i can put her in bed.

[HotI]

Rather than trying to put her to sleep in the bassinet can you leave her on you so she gets a good sleep. We have heaps of photos where either DH or i are comfortably laying back with bub asleep on our chests. You can work out the basinet sleeping later (when you have both had some sleep).

I feed laying down like BG described, and then my arm is cocconed around bub and we both fall asleep. My plan wsasn't to co-sleep (and at the start i didn't do it all the time) but sometimes you just need sleep and it was the best way for me to get it.

[onthefly]

Do you have a wrap or carrier for the day times at least?
With DS we used to tag team at night - I would take him teh first half of the night, DH the second half, so we each got a bit of sleep between the screaming etc.
Do you have anyone who can come and watch her while you have a nap during the day?
co-sleeping and feeding lying down would also be a big help at night.

Just remember that the issue here is that she's a brand new baby, not that you're breastfeeding (switching won't solve her need to be close to you and have constant comfort).

[Tuesday's Child]

I was terrified of co-sleeping too. But in my efforts not to take DD to bed with me, I'd end up falling asleep while feeding her on the couch anyway. Plus, I was so exhausted by then that I was sleeping too deeply to be properly aware of her. It took me a while to master feeding lying down, but once we did, co-sleeping was a much better and safer option for us. The ABA website has a page on how to feed while lying down which is also appropriate for co-sleeping - pretty much how briggsy's girl described.

Have you tried keeping her upright on you for 20-30 minutes after a feed? She might have reflux which would be causing her discomfort as soon as she is laid on her back. It would also explain why she wants to feed again as feeding helps relieve it. My DD's sleep did improve once I started keeping her upright for a while after feeds. It gave time for her stomach to settle.

I also found at around 4 weeks DD just suddenly got her days and nights around the right way. She still didn't sleep through (doesn't now) but we started getting most of our sleep at night which made a big difference.

[beckoes]

you have had so much good advice but i just wanted to say that you are doing a great job, those first weeks, like others have said are so hard at time and i had my moments sitting there wondering what the hell i was thinking, i couldnt be a mum, but it changes within a matter of weeks, and every few weeks after that, even now at 2 and a half we stumble upon a problem i think is going to be the end of my final bit of sanity but it smooths out within a few weeks and all is ok again.

I was worried about co-sleeping too, but i think without it that first year would have been 100 times worse...unbearable at times! DD was in bed with us on and off for two years and now sleeps in her bed, all night(most nights) without a problem so anyone who tells you that once she starts sleeping in bed with you she will never go into her own bed is talking rubbish! they do all these things in thier own time! As long as you follow all the recomendations for safe co-sleeping....and contrary to what your MCHN says, that does exist...hopefully you will see things improve soon.

BIG HUGS TO YOU, just remember there is a light at the end of this seemingly endless, sleep deprived tunnel!!!

[beckoes]

Just remember that the issue here is that she's a brand new baby, not that you're breastfeeding (switching won't solve her need to be close to you and have constant comfort).

Just read this....couldnt aggree more!!!!!!!!!!!

[Babyluv]

Ladies thankyou so much once again for the great advice & support, I'm feeling better this afternoon. When in the moment I feel hopeless and don't know if I'm doing the right things, but I want to BF I'm just finding it really challenging & frustrating at times. You've all given me some great advice & things to try, I think we may need to try co sleeping and I need to learn how to feed lying down, I'll have a look at the ABA brochure.
I'm wondering if I should call a consultant from the ABA as well.

[MummaSue]

Babyluv, you sound a lot like me in the early days. It was really hard - not knowing what was right, what was normal and feeling like it was just soooooo hard.

Thank goodness for BB hey? You sound like you're doing a really awesome job - responding to your baby as she needs you.

The ABA is a wonderful resource, they had many a tearful phone call from me and were sooooo helpful. Are you a member of the ABA? Could you find your local support group? I found that to be invaluable to me too. It's awesome chatting to someone on the phone but it was even better to get the help of mums who have been in our position. Even just to go there, chat to them while one of the lovely counsellors holds bubby for a wee while I love the mums in my support group!

You're doing brilliantly.

[peanutter]

babyluv, you're doing such a top job for your little girl! Those first few weeks are so tough, you've just had a very serious experience (giving birth on way or another) and now you're responsible 24/7 for a brand new little life who relies on you for everything ... and you're doing so well, whether it feels like it or not!

one thing I found was that I had to do all sorts of things to stop DS from falling asleep on the boob before he was full ... tickling his toes, unwrapping him, changing his nappy between boobs, blowing air gently on his face, etc. Otherwise he'd drink up the foremilk, not be as thirsty, and fall asleep before getting much of the hindmilk ... and he'd be hungry again, in another hour!

I found that a full feed actually took anything up to 60 minutes to achieve - but when he had it, he'd be full for at least 2-3 hours, and I often would have to wake him up for his next feed.

one of the best things you can do for your body and your baby right now though is to get some sleep ... I know everyone says "sleep when the baby sleeps" and then bubba goes down and you can see the dishes/washing/emails/shower/bills/etc ... but seriously, sleep needs to be a priority for a little while, at least until bub is sleeping for a few hours overnight!

and another thing which I found good, was I'd have things ready to eat, so that when I went to feed DS, I could make a BIG hot drink, grab my bottle of water, and take something to eat, to (theoretically) mean that when DS was asleep, I was free to go lay down too because sleep and food/water are some of the best ways you can keep you and your milk supply strong and healthy

good luck! you're among friends, and we really, really understand how tough those first weeks are.