thanks so much for the update mummaB, sounds like you're having a bit of a rough time. big hugs to you
can i ask a couple of questions, just cos i think this situation is one i might be facing soon too
was your toddler sleeping in your bed before?
how has he reacted to being moved to his own room?
is the newborn in your bed now?
i'm sorry about the silent reflux, so pleased though that you have a supportive dh. makes a world of difference. i know what you mean about foxtel, we have that here too and i love it! gets me through many long boring nights on the couch. lol
Thanks for your support Rainforest It's good to have this thread to communicate what i'm experiencing and have someone listen, my IRL friends are supportive but not been through this or planning to.
was your toddler sleeping in your bed before?
Yep, we co-slept in our bed pretty much from day 1... we hadn't planned to but due to the reflux and being very attached to me he would not sleep in any other way apart from literally being held by me. Just before his second birthday, i think when i was about 7 months pregnant, realising this would be difficult we moved his single bed (never used yet) and made the transition. We started with it next to our bed so i could still hold him, but he would just climb in to ours, so we moved it by the window instead (we have a huge master bedroom) so it was about 2 metres away. This worked but the only thing is i still had/have to hold him until he falls asleep. We also didn't physically make him sleep in the bed, we got him to choose to sleep in there by making a huge deal about how cool it was (its a winnie the pooh bed) and about how he could still come in to ours, but that this would give everyone more room etc etc. He liked the bed and was happy to sleep in there so long as i held him to sleep. So he was in his own bed, but in our room for about 2 months before the birth. This was a good amount of time as he was used to it and it became a routine where he automatically went to that bed instead of ours. We also showed him the bassinette and explained thats where the baby would be sleeping etc so he understood the concept of each ones bed - but of course he's always welcome in ours.
how has he reacted to being moved to his own room?
Well to be honest it's been more distressing for me than him.... co-sleeping or at least room sharing is something i wanted to do for longer so i am still sad he's moved, though seems for the best at this point. I had my MIL here this week and she's a big fan of own beds and rooms which has always annoyed me but in this instance the decision was mine and so her support was what i needed to make sure i went through with it. So we told my toddler what we were planning to do and explained to him that we were doing this so that he could get a good nights sleep without the newborn waking him. He understood and watched us move the bed through the house, then he helped me put the linen back on and we sat on his bed and talked about how he would now sleep in there etc. I set up the listening monitor and explained thats how i'd hear him and told him i would come when he woke up. I read his stories as usual and then still lay with him to sleep. The hardest part though was that night the first time he woke up, he was crying in fear and a bit distressed - he obviously forgot where he was. I felt terrible and wanted to take him back to our bed but i knew that if i did then i would never let him go to his own room, and he would only end up confused by the lack of consistency. I held him and comforted him, and knew that he would be okay to stay there, it was more anxiety on my part and him being confused rather than genuinely upset. He went back to sleep and woke 2 more times, each time he was fine, just wanted a feed/find his dummy. The next few nights he was fine, still waking 2-3 times but thats because he is wanting a BF.
is the newborn in your bed now?
Yes, again unintentionally. We actually have an Amby hammock i intended him to sleep int, but alas as soon as i put him in it he wakes. Same with the bassinette, so i end up just falling asleep with him in our bed, usually on my chest. But as i mentioned before i don't sleep well because it isn't as safe as i'd like - dh is a heavy sleeper and we have quilts etc, i try to keep him at the head of the bed if we lay him there so the quilts only reach his legs. Ideally though i'd like him to sleep in either the hammock, the bassinette or the cot in his room, so i guess we'll have to see how we go.
Thanks for sharing this journey too...
I'm not sure if this will help - but we found that it was better for our bub to be a little bit awake (ie. eyes openish) when we moved him from our bed to his basket or from sleeping in someone's arms to his basket - that way he seemed to know where he was and be happy to go back to sleep, whereas if he woke up after he had been moved he'd be quite upset.
Usually just not trying to be really quiet when moving him did the trick, or giving him a bit of a hug first.
oh no! please don't tell me the amby hammock doesn't work!
i've been bidding on one on ebay hoping this would be a great place for the newborn to start...
arrrr!
thank you so much for sharing your story MummaB, i'm so interested in how it's all going for you. i've never known anyone that's tandem fed before.
Don't give up on the hammock Rainforest, we borrowed ours from a friend and she loved it (well her daughter did). We've had a diagnosis now of silent reflux so what i believe the problem is he can't lie on his back due to the milk coming back up. Although the hamock is arched, its not arched enough for it to keep him upright. However *touch wood* i have finally found a way that works to get and keep him asleep - the bassinette propped up on a drawer at the head end, then the mattress propped up with a tiered towel and a rolled up towel on each side of him and he is sleeping on his side. Finally we've had some stretches of 2-3 hours! which means after that long a sleep he is actually having a whole feed! So things are looking up
Glad to hear the propped mattress is helping T. Also good to hear that you got that diagnosis. What are you giving DS2 for the reflux?
Rainforest - a friend of mine at playgroup had her baby boy in a hammock for ages, and he slept really well in it. In fact, while most of us where saying we where getting up during the night, her little one slept thru. Perhaps try hiring one before you buy, just to make sure your little one likes it.
hi Mumma B- how's everything going this week? hopefully you're having a bit better time with things.
Debbie- yes i've heard they're brilliant. well, i got outbid on ebay- it sold for $190. i checked out hire places and they want $30 a week. a bit rich if you ask me, so i ended up ordering a brand new one from Amby. it cost $265, so i figure if i don't get much use out of it, i'll either sell it on ebay or pass it on to one of my family members/ friends. i'm sure someone will get some use out of it!
I've been having a rough time unfortunately... not so much the tandem feeding but with baby's reflux. Neither the gaviscon nor zantac have helped and he is very unhappy. He's crying a lot over night and not sleeping unless he's lying on my tummy. This is taking its toll on me a bit as my toddler has woken all this week 2-3 times over night wanting to feed, so i am still going back and forth from one to the other. I don't really feel like a person at the moment, just a feeding machine really. I also have so much milk that i get let downs in between feeds and also when they feed, so its always spraying out everywhere all over them and my clothes... its not very glamourous! But i know i'm doing the best for them so i'll get by, i just need an hour or so of me time, and i'm due for a hair cut so hopefully i can do that for myself soon!
Oh and back to the reflux, we're trying losec now so hopefully see some relief for him!
luck with losec it is driving me insane trying to get it in to him!! he spits and gags and coughs and spltters due to little bits i feel so bad who know how much he actually swallows but he is a bit bette.
oh mumma B you poor thing...
just remember the mantra 'this too, shall pass'
you're being such a good mum to your boys- giving them the best start to life possible. have you got friends/ family close by that could help you?
I don't think i can do this anymore... i am feeding one or the other constantly and i feel really spent. I don't feel like a person much and i find myself getting irritated and not enjoying it at all. I feel like the baby is being robbed of his exclusive breastfeeding time because the toddler is so demanding. Every time i go to feed my baby it feels like a chore rather than the great bonding experience it should be... it feels this way because i have probably just fed my toddler. I don't want my baby to miss out on this being a bonding experience between us. I am not sure if this is how other tandem feeders feel or how they cope, the lack of sleep is catching up on me and i'm just really exhausted.I always thought child lead weaning was the only way to go but this isn't really working. I'm not sure what to do, whether i should continue with my toddler as it is becoming to the detriment of myself and my baby.
:hugs: I think you are amazing. I know you feel like this is too much, I haven't done it, I couldn't do it. I don't know how to support you other than I feel for you.
ohh mummaB- big hugs to you
you sound exhausted honey..
have you called the aba to talk to anyone?
what does your DH think about the situation?
i'm sorry you're not enjoying your bfing time with your new baby...
I'm so sorry that things are so tough at the moment, huge
I can't even begin to imagine how exhausted you must be feeling..Gosh hun you have done so well to get through this first month and a bit on the amount of sleep you have had by the sounds of it. So don't feel bad.
I'd definitely ring the ABA to try and get some support and advice, and see what ideas they have up their sleeves.. Just so you can give yourself some hope that things will get better, or to maybe try another approach. Your little bub is definitely the one that needs mummy the most right now, but that doesn't mean you are loving your toddler any less so don't feel bad.
Like Rainforest mentioned, what does your hubby think about everything? Is he able to take your toddler out during the day (like on the weekend) for a few hours so you can just concentrate on little bubs?
This time has to be the toughest, so know we are all here for you. And hopefully with some support and advice IRL you will be able to find a way to make everything work.
ETA.. Oh I forgot to mention about the reflux. Now that in itself is enough to make life a nightmare. When we went through that with DD, that alone was just HORRIBLE. So once that is sorted, things will be so so much better.
Last edited by StrawberryMumma; August 27th, 2008 at 08:49 PM.
*hugs* I've seen your posts about reflux, and you just sound exhausted.
Is it possible to cut down your toddlers feeds to just morning and night, and offer water during the night? Does he settle for your DH? Would he understand not having it "now" but he can have it in the morning?
If you can somehow cut back his feeds while you get a handle on the baby's reflux, you may feel you can continue tandem feeding.
*hugs* you really need a bit of R&R and I'm sure you will feel better about it all.
I am in a better place today, and got a couple of hours sleep last night as DH stayed up with DS2. So i've thought about it with a clearer head and i'm not ready to stop bf DS1.... but i do need to cut down and put in some boundaries for my own sense of space and emotional well being. My dh thinks bf is very much my thing so he doesn't have an opinion either way, he just wanted me to make it to one year and we've well and truly done that with our first, anything from there has been a bonus, so he said he's happy to support me whether i stop or continue.
Unfortunately this modern society doesn't really support tandem feeding, i don't have family to pass one over to for distraction, my dh has a corporate career and works long hours - is rarely home before 9pm. I have friends but they all have their own kids and jobs etc aswell, plus i'm not good at asking for help, i don't really do "help", bit stubborn i guess. I really need to get out to an ABA meeting but i find it just so hard to leave the house on time and i feel silly rocking up late... i WILL make it my goal for next week though, i really need to be around that at the moment.
So my plan from here is to reduce my toddlers feeds to: morning, naptime and bedtime. I'm going to have to find the energy to focus more on making his meals more of an event because he's still refusing food and very fussy. But i'd think the reduced bfs should stimulate his food appetite a bit more anyway. I feel a bit sad i'm having to do this but i just can't go on constantly feeding, i don't want to resent it, i want to enjoy it, especially with my newborn - for him feed times are already stressful because of the reflux, they don't need to be more stressful because i'm over it. So hopefully doing this with my toddler will give me more energy and renew my passion for feeding my baby.
Reply With QuoteIt's good to have this thread to communicate what i'm experiencing and have someone listen, my IRL friends are supportive but not been through this or planning to.
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