Thanks for the replies. I just tried ringing ABA earlier.
They thought he might have some nipple confusion which wasn't helping. Suggested I talk to my LC re cup feeding rather than bottle feeding. So now i feel guilty that I've given him too much bottle - but then I haven't managed to get him on successfully hardly at all recently - so then I don't want to starve him when he's screaming & hungry!

Anyway, she seemed to have some good suggestions. So I was all motivated. Plus I'd written a list of 3 positives about BFing earlier, and we'd written down what DH can do to help me (basically sit, cheer, hold fists etc). And I joined ABA. I'm so constructive, and I was feeling good/positive about trying another BF.

Anyway, we had an awful feed, I couldn't get him on (10 mins trying) - then just cried through the entire feed as I gave him the bottle - then ran out of EBM, so gave him FF. I'm trying so hard to do the right thing, but i end up bawling every other feed. Then I think that isn't helping cos I'm supposed to be all relaxed and positive - how i"m supposed to do that i don't know! Right now i just feel like giving up. My sister fed EBM for 6 weeks before she got hers on, then successfully BF for yonks. So part of me says it's not the worst thing in the world if I just express & bottle feed. It's just time consuming. And every time I end up doing a feed from the bottle then expressing to try and get enough - and i KNOW i'm not a failure, but emotionally... I just feel so yuck about it.

oh and i haven't tried lying down. S'one helpful (MHCN) told me it would be too hard with big BB's & shield. And right now i"m not feeling really positive about trying something new.... but tomorrow I might try. Maybe.

Sorry, midnight whingey post. Presumably I'll look at this tomorrow and cringe. Oh and I'm nervous re tomorrow cos it's DH's first day off at work, then he's out in the evening too. I don't think I can get him on at all without some help. But I can't really hire a fist holder for every 3-4 hours!!!!!