Attempted VBAC Mums

[ladybird11]

Great thread...Thanks Sarah for starting it

I'm at a cross roads - I had severe PE with DD, she was born at 31+4 with a low birth weight of 1180 grams (misdiagnosed from GP - don't even go there grrr). I had an emergency c/s with her - and no regrets, it was the best thing that needed to happen for DD and myself. I hadn't really researched anything about labour / birth options at that stage as I figured I had some 8 wks or so up my sleeve , so I didn't have any preferences and was not aware of pro's / cons of each and every option. I'm lucky I've had no bonding issues with her.

Now I'm 35 wks with our DS. So yay I've hit the 35 wk mark! As I 'know where the goal posts are for a c/s' I was going to go down the elective c/s line - until my OB started saying go the VBAC - he's a BIG supporter of it.

The hospital midwifes say they wouldn't leave me labouring too long if there was no progress, but then the fear of a rupture (I would be the 0.05 - 1% Just my (un)luck) - which would probably end up in not being able to have anymore babies really concerns me. Then I read the stats that say if an induction is needed it reduces the chances of a successful VBAC by 50%...BUT the main thing is I want my DS with me in post op, and to stay with me from then onwards (assuming no health issues).

Maz - I can't believe your Mum said that. Grrr.

[~Minny~]

Im glad i found this thread as i was looking where to post something like this...

I just had a failed vbac and feel absolutely devestated to say the least...i know i have a healthy baby boy but it doesnt take the pain away from knowing i got so far and laboured so long and then it all went pear shaped again. I had fanstatic drs who let me go as long as i could so i cant complain about that i feel so angry at my body for not doing what is spose to do...
Recovery this time around is so much harder especially with a toddler, everything hurts still and its been over a week now...i just want to feel normal again and be able to do things... i hate having to depend on everyone one to do things for me

[Arimeh]

Oh Min.. I so remember that feeling I couldn't stop crying for weeks after my failed VBAC and sometimes I would look at DD1 and blame her too

We're here for you - its ok to let everything out

[Ryatha]

Minny - congratulations on your little boy.

It is such a strange feeling of devistation that the VBAC didn't happen but joy because you are holding your little one in your arms. Let yourself grieve that you didn't get your VBAC. Even though some others will not understand you need to give yourself time. I found my recovery a bit longer than my first one as well, but since you know what it is like in the next few weeks, you are able to anticipate what you can and can't do.

I am a very independent person as well and hate people helping me, but I let others help me because what they were allowing me to do is give the very best care to my little daughter who needed me 24/7 in the first few weeks. I focused on getting my body back together and spending time with my new DD and my eldest. We even had a lady come and do the washing and I am totally OCD with how I do my washing.

Hope your recovery goes really well

[~Minny~]

Thanks ladies im glad theres people who understand....theres nothing worse than being told "well at least hes healthy and alive" Well of course im glad and thankful we both came out the otherside alright but it doesnt make having to have a ceaser any better especially a vbac when you are so determined to have a natural birth and the option of having lots of kids is taken away from you. bah i dunno what i feel anymore

[Arimeh]

"well at least hes healthy and alive"

Ahh yes, thats right up there with "well at least your vagina looks the same" or even "oh well all that prep work for nothin in the end"

*sigh* Some people have no idea......

Definitely do a debrief about your birth - mine is HERE if you are interested in reading....

[Nai]

Minny - It sucks and it is hard to deal with especially when you have a toddler on your hands as well. I have also laboured twice with and emergency c/s being the result both times. It is definitely worth having a good debrief and allow yourself to grieve so that you can come to terms with what happened. We are all here for you!

[{sarah}]

Gosh I forgot about this thread

How are you doing now Minny?

[~Minny~]

Feeling heaps better now thanks i still have days were its raw and wonder if there was anything i could have done to change the outcome or if i wimped out to soon (stupid thought seeing as he went into fetal distress ) but on the whole yeah definately feeling better both phycially and emotionally.

Have even thought about what i will do next time not that im looking to get pregnant any time soon

[Arimeh]

wonder if there was anything i could have done to change the outcome or if i wimped out to soon

Ahhhh yup. Totally get that

[{sarah}]

Awesome news I think a lot of it is time, because when it happens I suppose with hormones raging etc it's hard to see clearly. That said almost two years down the track for me & it still makes me sad. Plus I totally get the "wimped out too soon" thing too

[RoyaUK]

so glad i came across this section - thanks Sarah.

It's taken me a while to get back to bellybelly and i'm not ready to write everything yet, but in short i was trying for a VBA2C with a complication of an inverted t-incision. After weeks of research, hiring an amazing midwife and fighting it out with the hospital i was ready when contractions started at 41 wks. But after 6 days of 10 mins contractions and my waters breaking on day 5 , i gave up and took myself in for a c-section.

Rationally, i can say i was beyond exhausted, contractions not progressing and i had an excrutiating pain in my coccyx and after 20 hrs of my waters breaking, the hospital clock was ticking etc

But i think all day long about how disappointed i am in myself, my decision, how my scar is taking much longer this time to heal, all my research on what could go wrong, fear about my unusual scar, and not enough on the beautiful process of labour itself. How i should have persisted (even when my husband assures me i was exhausted). How i'll never experience normal childbirth.

No one i've spoken to has talked about the grief you feel.

[{sarah}]

Oh hun I promise you it gets easier & the pain does fade, but in the beginning as I said in my last post it is so damn hard to get past that disappointment. I bet you were completely exhausted after all of that, you poor thing.

You know what I hate so much. At the time from what I remember I said it was ok, I said yes do whatever to get rid of the pain. Afterwards those hormones that make you forget the pain make you question if it really was that bad & if you wussed out & should have kept going. It's just not fair. For other mums the pain of labour is gone & they can happily go on to do it all again, but for us the pain goes & then we have the regret & guilt that perhaps we gave up too soon.

Hugs to all of you beautiful women that have been there & are going through this now. I can only hope that for me next time I am able to get past some of this because my c/section will be elective.

[Arimeh]

Roya - you were very brave and strong to go through that many days of contractions!!! That's a totally champion effort

I hope we can help you work through some of your grief. I know I hated looking at DD1 after my failed VBAC because all I could see was blame and regret when I looked at her.

[~Minny~]

Im so sorry to hear your birth didnt go according to plan it most certainly can be devestating

When you can i would recommend writing down your birth story i know this helped me sift through some of the mixed feelings i had.

Like sarah said it does get better with time even if it doesnt feel like it now

[~Minny~]

One of my besties just had a beautiful baby boy !! Im so so SO happy for her and cant wait to go visit! She was telling me about her birth story and i couldnt help but feel so VERY jelous 5.5hrs from first niggle until fully dilated no tears
Why do awesome birth stories have to be so hard to swallow!

[Arimeh]

Why do awesome birth stories have to be so hard to swallow!

Cos its the whole "I want what she's having" - its totally normal and we wouldn't be human without that emotion

I dunno how you get past it though, cos mine didn't leave me until I got what I wanted

[~Minny~]

So this time a year ago i had been in labour for the last 2 days and DS is one tomorrow! I think about how is birth didnt go to plan alot, especially the last couple of days just remembering back to what happened. Its not as hard to swallow which is good but i still think about what i have missed out on.

Good news is, it hasnt detered me from wanting to try for a vba2c in the future I replay back what happened and have read so much more since then i am im determined to achieve this if we are to be blessed with another child later on