And I am not sure if I am ready to make that choice.

I just wanted to have a go at a vbac.

But things are not looking favourable. This bub has been in the same position for months, and there is no action at all. My Dr is 100% happy for me to go till 4th jan, but he feels that on that date he will be having me in for an emergency section, and my logical mind tells me that having an earlier scheduled section is the better way forward.

I know what I am up for and I have help and support with me for the next month, but why is my heart breaking. Why does this feel like I am just giving into all the pressure, and will I be able to live with it.

First time round I was 100% fine with the elective section. But the second I fell pg this time, I thought to myself that I would VBAC. But here I am booking an elective section, and I feel like I am failing before I start.

I will never have the experience of a contraction, or that wet slippery newborn on my chest, or that wow I did it feeling. Can I live with this????

My Dr said I can pull out of the section at any time, so I can sleep on this and make a decision tomorrow... or friday... I am just so torn...

What do I do? How do I reconcile this decision with myself? What should I do? So confused and torn....

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!