I am still kicking my self over all the mistakes I made that contribuited to both of my c/s. I am still feeling pathetic and inadequate so the last thing I needed to happen was this.
I went to do a trial workout at a gym. I had someone take me through the circuit workout and because I was only going easy (only had DD 3mths ago) there was room for chit chat. I had told her that I had just had my second baby that was why I was just taking the workout easy she said 'thats ok just do what you can, you must be strong because you have given birth".
I just wanted to cry. I still feel so inadequate about having 2c/s (1emergency and 1 repeat elective) that I didnt tell her. She so happened to be 3mths preg with her first child so she started getting a little invasive with the questions.
As the workout continued she asked how the labour was and did I have to be cut much. I wanted to yell at her "Was I cut much - NO, TWICE I was guttered like a fish and my baby was wrenced out of my womb as I wept into my oxygen mask. But I am sure that want happen to you I am sure you will have a wonderful birth" instead I just gritted my teeth and mumbled "I had 2 c/s".

I am trying so hard to just move on and forget about my c/s but I seem to be constantly confronted with this sort of situation which reminds me of my c/s and then I find myself over explaining why they happened and I just feel like I am still trying to justify it to myself and to reassure myself but deep down I just keep kicking myself about the things that I did wrong that contributed to my 2c/s. Long after the converstation has ended I am left with those recurring thoughts of what I did wrong.

Any suggetions on how to handle these sorts of situations?

I am an educated person I have a science degree form the University of Melbourne and I work as scientist in a top immunology lab but when I was pregnant with my first baby and even my econd did I read up about birthing NNNNOOOOOOOOOO, why?? I really dont know I guess I just assumed it would all just go fine. Normally I research things to the enth degree particulalry if it is for someone close to me i make sure I am upto date with everything but when it comes to me..... I am so angry at myself for not educating myself on birth and knowing about Doulas and support networks etc etc.

I am always there for people close to me if they are having health issues. I find specialists for them and go to appointments with them to make sure all bases and questions are covered and I am very forceful with the Drs. But when it comes to me I have no one by myside because I feel bad about putting someone out to be with me and I just sit in the chair like a shy little child and let the Dr dictate the terms and conditions and I just nod and do what they say.
My heart hurts and I feel so alone.... I think people just assume I dont need anyone fighting for my rights because I am so good at doing it for them. Ever since my dad died 6years ago I have lost my inner strength. I miss him so much ...he was my hero

I know this was abit long but thank you for taking the time to read it. I am just feeling so lonely at the moment. I think my sisters decison to terminate her pregnancy has pushed me over the edge because I was so excited when she told me she was pregnant but so upset when she said she was going to get rid of it. I know it is the right decision for her as it was unplanned and not at a good time for her but I am still sad about it because I know how awesome having kids is. I wish I could take it and put in in my womb to grow.