I can deffinatly understand where you are comimg from. I was faced with the same decision 5 months ago. I howeverv knew i wanted a vbac as unlike you my recovery was awful...Anyway i found an ob who was rather supportive but i was never told how low the risk was of a rupture i was actually told something totally different...while in labour i started to freak out as the epi wore off and as i was having pain in my previous scar of course i thought i was experiencing a rupture and instead of being told that the epi had worn off and it was just contractions i was experiencing i was rushed to theatre for an emergency c/s.
I still haven't got over the anger the resentment towards the medical professionals and everydai i still am runnung over the birth in my head thinkuing of what i could have done different,,,,So i have now enrolled in a doula course so i can learn and fully understand birth for my next vba2c...
I know it is a hard decision to make but only you know how you will feel both emotionally and physically after each type of birth, for me a c/s made me feel some what as a failure
Von