Child Support Q

[myboysmumma]

I would suggest looking at the csa website for any specific child support info.

As for access, I don't think there is any legal requirement regarding this - I am not a lawyer, just as far as I know...unless there is a court order?

I don't think it's a good idea to deny access for money. It's such a complicated issue and then he may feel when he pays he has the right to unlimited access. I would keep access and child support separate.

[Kitt3n]

lol, thanks myboysmomma, dont get me wrong, i dont want his money. anything he gives me is put into her bank account. After 4 1/2 years of seperation there is only about $500 in there from him!

I dont want to DENY access. I just want it restricted, for her to be settled. can i suggest just one day visit a month? I understand if there are family birthdays etc, there are always going to be things happening, and her grandparents on his side shouldnt have to miss out on her (we are actually in contact without his assistance).

Can he push to have her more often if he hasnt shown that he is a "responsible" parent, by not paying child support? Would any application for an order be thrown out?

I dont think he would apply for one, but just incase it would be nice to have a bit of an idea where i stand.

[myboysmumma]

Sorry I didn't mean you were after his $$$! I just meant in his mind if you deny or restrict when he doesn't pay that he might connect the two. I think you can do what you like legally unless there is a court order. If he wants more access he would have to discuss it with you or take you to court?

If he hasn't been paying I don't think it would look good for him but not sure...

[The[cookie]Doctor]

CL, i havent been 'involved' with the family court system for six or seven years now, (hopefully Divvy can give you some good advice) but if it were to be taken to court, it won't matter whether or not he is paying the child support. It wouldn't matter if he wasn't supposed to be driving, got himself an alias and a fraudulent license, they look specifically at the fact he is the biological parent of the child.

They may be more favourable to give him less time with her if you can prove he only shows up say one weekend and not the next, etc (start writing a diary!), but in court they'll call character references and he can have any tom, richard and harry up there to say what a wonderful father he is, etc.

Because your DD isn't old enough (I think she has to be at least twelve) they won't take in mind her actual want, because she could be speaking from what either of you has told her. The court looks in the best interest of the child, and it would likely be that they see fit that she has constant and regular contact with her father and make an order for every weekend. Or three days out of a week etc. It is only then if he isnt showing up or taking her etc that you can dispute it...

If you can come to an amicable agreement with him, try and get it down on paper... because if he does have the balls and the moeny to take it to courts for an order, he may end up with a lot more time.

Hope this has made sense.

ETA: Also, if you can, get your DD to write her own journal (of her weekends with her father. what she enjoys and doesn't enjoy.., same for the times with you. try to make it as unbiased as possible). It may not necessarily help (for the same as above - it could be what you are telling her) but it is something they can use in court, whereas they cannot use her as a witness or a voice at all.

[Kitt3n]

thanks for that guys

AJ, she already keeps a diary and adds these types of things. I havent kept a diary of "him" for quite soem time now, but maybe i should start again.

Seeing as its been so long since we seperated i can only hope he wouldnt go and get a court order in place now. He now has a step son with a disability, and a new baby girl, so i think he pretty much has his hands full as it is. I dont think he has any money to take me to court, and i really doubt that he could have her more often for his own financial/new family responsilbilities.

I have never gone and gotten anythign put in place because of the fear that they would want him to have her more often. "shared care" wouldnt work anyway as we live a good while away from each other.

[briggsy's girl]

CL - give the Family Relationships Advice Line a call. they are there to get you in contact with the right people for this sort of advice locally, and can get you on to a parenting advisor or family relationships centre. they are set up to do what is in the best interests of the child, and can draw up parenting plans based on that - and whether your child is young or not, they will take into account her emotional well being if it goes to mediation - the parenting order might be drawn up to state that he is to have access a certain number of days, but that she doesn't have to stay over night...

i would honestly suggest a quick phone call to them will give more answers than we can! good luck sorting something out!

[tiggerandpooh]

Kitt3n - your ex popping in and out of your DD's life when ever he feels like it is so incredibly disruptive to her, and to the rest of you! I so understand where you are coming from, having been through this situation myself. As BG suggested give the Family Relationships line a call. It is mandatory now that before any orders are put in place at court, an attempt must be made for mediation. Mediators will be acting in the best interest of the children. a counsellor is usually appointed to see the child as well. If you ex wont go to mediation, you will be given a certificate certifying that you have attempted mediation. the next step is going to court for the judge to decide. I really recommend you contacting FR - they incredibly helpful. if you need an ear that has walked this path, feel free to MSN me.