Im sorry that you are having a tough time
I cant really relate as i am just starting our family....

BUT with the room thing, my sister and i were both shockers... one day Mum had enough of asking and asking and us doing the same as yous, hiding stuff under the bed etc, that she went into our room and anything that was not put away or dumped under the bed or the floor of the wardrobe was put into a massive garbage bag... the contents of this bag was strew over the back yard when we got home from school..
Anything was that not put away that evening went in the bin! we kept our rooms pretty tidy after that

Dont know if any of that is a help.
Good luck