What a rotten thing to be going through Trish!

When I read your post, I instantly thought of a dear friend at work who is experiencing identical behavior in his son. His son actually ran away from home because he wouldn't obey the rules and when the police locked him in a kind of detention - he ran away back to his Dad! C is now living away from home but sees his Dad twice a week and their relationship is slowly rebuilding. C has also altered his behavior and is obeying the law. If he doesn't - he goes straight to Juvie - do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

I have also been through this with my sister. I know how hard it is to cope and how easy it is to blame yourself. BUT, you also have to look after yourself and your other children. The comment your son made about his older brother stuffing up all the time makes me think that perhaps he is following by (his) example. Do you want the younger children to follow that same example? Even if your son does go to live with his Dad, you can (and are) supporting and loving him. You're supporting that right now, he needs Dad and that Dad can give him something you can't (please don't take that personally - it isn't personal. We can't give our children everything they need - hence the saying it takes a village to raise a child). And if your son moves in with his Dad (for however long) you can still have time with him and bond with him. Moving out isn't losing him.

I also want to share with you some words of wisdom someone emailed me the other day (but I'll sumarise). It is perfectly ok (and will help development) for children to see they have made their parent/s angry, upset, disappointed. It is ok to tell them 'no' and it is ok to impose boundaries and consequences. If you tell your son that his bad behavior means he now has to live with Dad - that is ok. you've done nothing wrong, you've not failed anyone, and you may very well be fitting a piece of the life puzzle giving him (and your other children) a valuable tool to use in becoming a responsible, well rounded adult.

HTH and stay strong. But it is also ok to cry and fall apart.

MG