OH babe...I so feel your pain honey. How old is Matilda now? 3? 4? this was a really rough stage for Wilhelm, he was very distruptive and screamed at the drop of a hate. He also began punching himself in the head and hurting himself physically if things were out of line and **** he couldnt be touched what so ever. I remember having to tell people off out shopping because they would touch him and he would flip really bad. I couldnt even drive into coles carpark without the screaming starting and would recluse and stay home.

Its a hard road, this mother hood and its especially harder when your baby isnt the child you expected to be. No-one ever knows the pain and torture you put yourself through as a mother when your baby is not 'normal'. You point the finger at yourself and continually ask what can I do to help her/him? Why did this happen to my baby?

Honey - its takes an extremely wonderful person to be a mother to such a special needs child. It may not feel like it at the moment but you'll forget all the bad things in time when she smiles at you.

My advice is babe get an MP3 player so she can take it with you when your shopping with head phones. I know many mums of ASD children that have them and have noted a difference in behaviour in their children. Its like they can switch of whats happening around them and they have their own world of their music to listen to. I have done it and its one of the first things we pack when we go away. I also pack some pens and a drawing pad as Wilhelm likes to draw and his attention is on that and not the things that upset him.

My other advice is..........grieve the child that you were ment to have. Its the first step into coming to grips of your childs behaviours. Cry babe...its the best medicine, honestly. You'll feel somewhat reborn as a mother after yourve done it and can guide her with a clearer head.

And as I said in a different thread - im ALWAYS here for you. Email me anything I dont care. A burdern spoken about is one less stress on you!