Well, I have just spoken to the mother over the phone and she tells me that DD and her DD haven't really spoken to her about any of it. It's all their planning. She said she would talk with my DD tonight. I also asked her that if DD calls upset that I would appreciate it if she would come in and see what is going on before taking her. I told her I appreciate her support for DD but felt she was a little to eager to help without questioning what was going on.
We agreed that after she spoke with my DD tonight we would get togehter and have a chat.
Thats great you had that conversation. I personally would be livid if another parent did that with my child, so you have handled it with a great deal of patience!
That's great Tanya - I think definitely keep the lines of communication open with the other mum.
Also, teenagers can come up with all sorts of "great ideas" that never come to fruition. When DSD was 14 she announced that she was going to leave school at 16, get youth allowance and move in with a mate. She's no longer in touch with that mate. We didn't' say that she couldn't - DP and I both moved out of home as teenagers so we weren't against it in theory, just chuckling to ourselves a bit that DSD thought that she could look after herself IYKWIM. So we just kept pointing out the financial and practical realities. Rent will be $x, bills will be $x which means you're going to have to earn $x and you're not going to have a hell of a lot left over for clothes/going out. I think that made her realise that she's on a pretty good wicket at home. Free board, meals cooked for her, pocket money, no bills to pay etc. etc.
A few months ago she announced that she wanted to take her new best mate with her to America when she next goes on an access visit to her mum (who lives there) at Xmas. They were all keen on that idea for about two weeks but we haven't heard any more about it.
If she does keep talking about it, I'd sit her down and without saying yes or no, ask her lots of questions about how she's going to cope money-wise, who will cook for her, how will she get homework done if she's sharing a room, what time will she have to be in at night etc. etc.
But I think keeping in close contact with the other mum is the way to go. As the others have said, you never know what stories she's been telling her (and the other mum may have been too polite to tell you in your first conversation).
Thanx for asking Cass
She told me a few weeks ago that she doesn't want to move out
She spends a lot of time at the firends house and apparently they are moving away come early next year. I spoke to her about her age and how she needs to take the initative and take responsablity for more duties around the house.... she was really good for about a week! LOL. She has become slack again but I will have another talk with her this afternoon.
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