Celsie, I'm so sorry you've had such a disappointing experience with your FDC provider!! What a shame it didn't work out, especially when you're expecting a new bub and need a few hours to yourself occasionally to get some rest or to get DS used to the way things are going to be.

FWIW, I have never suffered any kind of abuse, thankfully, and I tend to take a pretty relaxed attitude to the whole 'paedophiles are everywhere!!!' hysteria that the media beats up often, but I personally would not feel comfortable leaving my kids in the care of someone who could expose them to something dangerous. It's a serious matter - no amount of 'if only' or 'I'm sorry, I didn't realise' can fix it afterwards if something were to happen to your lovely little boy, kwim?

I put DD in one day a week of daycare at an ABC facility (FDC isn't properly 'covered' by Centrelink so it was too expensive for me) and we went through the clingy thing you described with your son, so I was going to say that as much as it kills to leave them bawling with a carer, it is just a phase (DD is going through it again atm as she knows something big is about to happen - new baby arriving - and she's a bit confused and scared) and it won't do him any damage to cry for a few minutes and then get on with his day, knowing that mummy will be back shortly to give him lots of hugs
But that being said, you have to do what works for you and if pulling him out of care period, or just finding another FDC or even a centre that suits your needs, is what you guys need, then go for it.

I would definitely be asking the carer exactly who this man was, how often he 'drops by' and what kind of interaction he has with the children in her care. As others have said, a Blue Card means jack if it's just a matter of 'you haven't been caught' yet, kwim, so I'm pretty distrustful of Blue Cards to start with because they are just a bit of paper. And you are paying this woman for her services and entrusting your precious son to her, you as a parent and a paying customer have EVERY RIGHT to know exactly who is in her house at any given time, why they are there and whether they are in contact with your son - from there you can make an informed decision on whether you feel comfortable with your child being in that situation.

So no, I don't think you are overreacting or being paranoid - our kids' safety is paramount and if you think there is something odd going on, you have every right to ask questions and act on it. Don't feel like you have to just shut up and put up with something you're not happy with, for any reason. I have felt bad before about complaining to DD's daycare director because she kept coming home sunburned and dehydrated (despite me asking repeatedly that she have her water bottle with her AT ALL TIMES, not just mealtimes), but she is MY child, I am paying THEM to look after her and why should I have to pull her out because they can't follow a simple instruction, kwim? It all got sorted out with no fuss and I'm now more than happy to send DD there, knowing she is getting a more than adequate standard of care.

Good luck with whatever course of action you choose to proceed with hun, give that little boy of yours a big hug and trust your instincts - usually our guts are right on the money, so go with it.