Another child with hands on my child!

[dd311]

Ok where to start - I have my youngest at child care and for the most part this DD is going pretty well except that in the last week I've witnessed something that I wasnt' at all happy about and now my DH has seen it too.

When I went to pick up my kids all the kids come running as they do and one little girl says "Kyana your mummy is here you need to go now" and with this she proceeded to get hold of my daughter BY THE THROAT and shake her and try to drag her to me, I called out cause a carer was closer to her than me and took her hands off her and made her sit down and have a chat with her about the incident. I was not happy at all but kind of put it down to a one off but the carer's were abit blazzae about the situation so I didn't want to overreact about it.

Well yesterday DH went to pick up the kids and he told me he was not happy about something that had happened and then went on to discribe an almost identical situation involving exactly the same girl and my Kyana!

I'm concerned cause this has happened in front of us how much is this going on when we're not around - DH said the carer's weren't overly fused about it either - BUT WE ARE - I'm about to call the creche but am a bit nervous cause I've already had an issue with one of the carer's and my other DD and that Carer is now leaving (thank goodness) - I'm just not sure if this is what kids do or if the creche should be taking more of a stand about it I think more than anything their flippant behaviour to it is concerning me as well - or are they not supposed to show any emotion in these cases - Do I have the right to say that I don't want that child anywhere near my little one or what?

Some thoughts would help heaps I want to make this call today.

xxdd

[Je$$_84]

dd311- i would deffinatley be espressing your concerns to the person in controll. If it was a once off thing then i would say fair enough (still wouldnt be happy but things happen) When my DS started at daycare there was this little boy who used to bully my son which i found unusal as my son usually stands up for himself. This boy used to punch, slap, kick, push etc my son constantly and didnt care who saw. I just put it down to boys and rough playing until my son became quite distress and hated going. At last years christmas party i still hadnt said anything as DP said i was probably over reacting, well when he saw what this little boy was doing he told me to deffinatley say something. I told the carer closest but same thing didnt seem to think much of it (saying they always do it their friends) He ended up pushing my son that hard he went flying into the polls of the shade structure and that was it i just lost it couldnt help myself i just yelled out at this little boy "hey, how dare you do that" his mum came up to me and started abusing me for yelling at her son and i just let her have it...it was like i was watching myself loose it...i had no control.... i was telling her her son was a bully and if it was my son hurting her son how would she feel etc... i threatened to take my son out of care if it didnt stop and i would tell everyone not to use them etc......

This boys mother had no concern for my son or anyone else's child he was bullying...once i said something a lot of other mothers were also standing up saying how they didnt like what her son and daughter do to others and she needs to teach them respect for others etc... she has since changed school ......

I said nothing for so long the school thought it was ok..... i would definatley recommend voiceing your opinion and just telling them you dont think it is the right behaviour... The incident with my son went on far too long and i kept my mouth shut as i didnt want to seem like the panicy parent... My poor son was being torchured for months and it would have kept going... I hate the fact i lost it so bad and regret not doing things differently but now if i see something i say something there on the spot even if i tell the child nicely "oh sweetie thats not nice, etc" that way the carers hear me and know that i dont approve..


Good luck

[maddysmummy]

i would make the call and express my concerns that it has happened twice now..

dont stand back this is your child and you need to do whats best for them!!

[mam]

Make your concerns known, and provide the centre with the action you want taken. Also insist on an incident report EVERY time your child is in some way experiencing a 'negative' touch - ie scratch, bite, stangle etc. As parents the more we know about what carers should be doing and providing the better the standard of care will be. If this is a C&K creche - then good luck getting any response. Start looking for a better centre.

[Patooties]

how old would the other child be? Do they mix the older children with the younger ones in the afternoon?
When i worked in child care, this is something we had to do because we didn't have enough staff hours (saved the company money)

[Pandora]

speak to the director about it, and do your best to remain calm This can be hard, I know from experience.

Ask them what procedures they have in place to manage this sort of behaviour, and where you can see a copy of the procedures that the centre uses.

the carers should be keeping an extra eye out especially if it is a repititve behaviour for that child, whch it sounds like it is. Do you know whether it was the same staff member though, it could be that it was not properly written up the first time (was it entered in the accident book, or not becuase you were present?)

I know, because we had a problem at creche where DS was biting children, and the staff were really good in helping us address it. He has stopped (another child bit him - no biting out of DS since) They told me that they watched him and could tell when it was going to happen (his was out of frustration and also sorted itself out as his vocab grew) and could step in to prevent it.

Sorry I know its long-winded but my point is it sounds like a repetitve behaviour for this child, and especially when its happening at the same time, in the same situation they shuld be alert to it and be wtaching out to stop it happening.

I know it can get hard, especially at the start and end of the day when there may be different staff in the room to normal but the comunication within the centre should still be there.

[dd311]

It is different staff members and the kindy room she is in is birth to 3 year olds and my little girl is 16months and the other girl is about 2 something...

[dd311]

I have just spoken with the director and she was fantastic and said she would be upset too if it were her child and understands how I feel and would be putting stratagies in place immediately to separate this girl from Kyana and that she would be having a discussion with all staff in relation to the matter.

I hope so - I feel so teary thinking about my little baby in an environment that might not be safe - anyway the director also said that she wasn't aware of it and it was a serious matter.

[maddysmummy]

good to see things are working out!!

[Pandora]

that's great news

[Tracey]

Phew I just read the start & was thinking OMG I'd so do something if some kid touched ine!

So glad the director is looking into it!

[Liviam]

that is great news. So glad that the director was so good about your concerns. Makes it a more reassuring that your concerns will be listenend to.

[dd311]

Thanks everyone, the support is so helpful when you have something like this cause you just don't wanna seem like some whacko mum that panics over everything so it's good to bounce things off the BB wall so to speak for reassurance that this is not something light.

[Bathsheba]

It's good to hear that the situation is being worked on great post Rayray... I think that the focus of concern should be the staff who are failing to notice what's going on. The little girl should be guided but not the focus of anger. Most little kids go through stages of handling others inappropriately and even dangerously... just as rayray explained. She is only 2 and needs guidance. I can't believe the staff didn't notice! If the little girl was mine I'd be just as horrified as you! I know it's easy to fall into thinking that the 2yo little girl is the problem, but the biggest problem lies with the staff not intervening.