Thanks everyone, your posts are helping sooooo much. As you know I am so pro-gentle parenting but sometimes things play in your mind when people think that you are being too soft on them. I'll look into other options, this can't be right or healthy for him.

Its occasional care, he doesn't do kinder anymore as 2.5 hours at a time is too hard for me to manage working fulltime. He will be doing care again next year, then school. Thanks guys *huge hugs*