Tearing my heart out... what would you do?

[AnyDream]

Kelly I have vivid recollections of being a 3 year old and not coping with the Kinder I was at the time. It was a large centre with a big open playroom and I was overwhelmed by all the noise and all the children, I could not compete for toys either, there were lots of carers but I just didn't bond with any of them. In the end my mother found another centre (I think it was church run) which was quieter, had more space and the play things were spread out differently. I remember loving going there and there was a lady with long curly hair who sang songs with us everyday and it was just right for me.

I really think your DS's distress is a sign that this centre is not right for him. It might be fine for all the other kids but just not a good 'fit' for his personality, kwim? Checking out FDC is a great idea (my kids have always been in FDC so I'm a big fan), but also shop around for other centres, and go with your instinct.

You will know you have found the right place when you feel that calm empathy oozing from the carer towards your child.

[BellyBelly]

Thanks everyone, your posts are helping sooooo much. As you know I am so pro-gentle parenting but sometimes things play in your mind when people think that you are being too soft on them. I'll look into other options, this can't be right or healthy for him.

Its occasional care, he doesn't do kinder anymore as 2.5 hours at a time is too hard for me to manage working fulltime. He will be doing care again next year, then school. Thanks guys *huge hugs*

[BellyBelly]

I just rang the council and they have nothing for family day care They are even doing placements for next year and have nothing, so I am on a waiting list... fingers crossed... will try some other centres in the meantime I guess, if he can do one day a week we can see if he likes it better. *sigh*

[Celsie]

Kelly - do you know anyone who has their child in FDC? If you do, perhaps you could speak to the FDC provider and explain your situation and see if they are able to help you out? Or if they're not able to help, maybe they know someone who could.

I don't think you're being soft at all. How can we help our children thrive in life if we ignore them when they're at their most vulnerable?

[AnyDream]

Kelly - do you know anyone who has their child in FDC? If you do, perhaps you could speak to the FDC provider and explain your situation and see if they are able to help you out? Or if they're not able to help, maybe they know someone who could.

Very good advice Celsie. Often places fill by word-of-mouth instead of through the office. Ask around and keep asking. The carer that DD2 is with now was 'not taking any more children'...that is until she met my DD (who she now adores) and decided that she could squeeze one more into her week LOL.

[Ellibam]

have you looked in to a fulltime nanny?? you can get the same rebates as ccc's as long as they are registered. he would then be at home or she/he could take him to kinder.
speak to the carers ask what he is like once you are gone...often they will stop crying shortly after you are gone.
is hea shedule type of boy? likes to know whats happening next??
we had one boy who his mum would tell him what time she was going to pick him up and all day he would ask what the time was(annoying for the carers but great for him) and he knew that it was getting closer.
other things to try
-would be not always dropping him of last ( if possible)
- try and time it that you and div get there the same ish time so you can walk in together a distraction from the beginning.
- maybe one day organise with the carers to read to the group so you stay for a good hour or so.

HTH

[BellyBelly]

The group he is in has no more than 10 in the class, its nice and small, they all come together for playtime though and they are fine. He is fine after I leave him. But the gutwrenching bawling starting from getting him dressed to leaving him, every single day is hell

[AngelPunks]

Kel
Is Elijah picking up on what is going on at home? Could that be part of the problem?

Just an "out there" thought, could he travel in with Neddy, either Ned comes to your place in the moring or Elijah go to Div's place? Make it a little less traumatic????

He is such a sweetheart, sending the three of you hugs.

[Pretty Butterfly]

Since he has a year left of care before school, I would reccomend a preschool type setting for next year.

They will have simiular routines to school, that wont include a rest time, and classes are generally smaller. He will be slightly more structured, and the kids will all be his own age.

He definatly isn't happy where he is, and it must be so heartbreaking for you babe....

Maybe start a dialogue now, of "big preschool" next year, where he wont have to nap, and see if he gets excited.... If the change makes him happy, then he needs to be outta the CCC....

Sometimes large centres with all ages and no set "work"eg, letters, numbers, colours etc just aren't what our little ones want....