22 month old won't stay in bed

[traceyvon]

OK, I admit it, I am at my wits end! DH has gone back OS to work for 9 weeks and I am on my own trying get DS ready and settled in his own bed before the next one arrives

We were co-sleeping until about 3 months ago where we moved him into his own room. I would lie with him until he went to sleep, then getting bigger it simply was not working and I would sit next to his bed in a chair and wait for him to go to sleep. Now I am trying to get him to go to sleep without me in the room. We do the same bedtime routine, I hop into bed with him, read a book and we have a brief chat about the day, lots of kisses and cuddles, then I give him a kiss and tell him I will be back soon. Well soon never happens because I spend the next hour or so outside his room because he gets out of bed every 15 seconds, I put him back with kisses and cuddles. If he stays in bed for longer (and I am talking about 20 seconds) then I pop in, more kisses and cuddles, let him know I will be back soon and leave.

This does not seem to be working at all. After a week I would expect him to stay in bed for longer than 15 seconds before coming out!

Any ideas or suggestions would be a life saver at this point because I am tired, emotional and don't want to start yelling at him and making bedtime a negative experience for us both. It never has been up until now

Thanks,
Tracey

[YoYo]

I am guessing that you ask him to stay in his bed?

What you have done sounds very similar to what I had to do with my DS and he started sleeping on his own at around 22 months. MY DS's bed is quite high off the ground though so I think he was too freaked out to try and get out of it!

Sorry I don't really know what else you can do, except maybe rewards for staying in his bed?

[Jennifer13]

It sounds like you are really gently encouraging him to make the transition from cosleeping to being on his own. It's probably not something he's delighted about, but I understand how you must be ready!

If he stays in his bed, am I right in understanding that you go back in? I'd personally hold back from going in to kiss him if he's quietly lying in bed. Persisting with putting him back, without too much fuss or cuddles (ie firmly, but gently, no talking, maybe a quick shh and a pat - unless he's upset), will eventually pay off. As long as you're consistent he will learn that this is the new way of going to bed and will adjust.

That's my suggestion, as unhelpful as it might be! But it really sounds like you already are doing the best thing, you just need to keep going. It will get better and it probably will happen pretty quickly. What a lovely Mummy taking such care of your little boy!

[traceyvon]

Sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time, it is exhausting

I am lucky that once asleep he pretty much sleeps through the night now, but it was weeks and weeks of me climbing back into his bed with him until he went back to sleep, then creeping out and getting back into my own bed, at one point I was doing this every 2 hours or so and eventually he started waking less often through the night. As I said now he wakes maybe once or twice, but does come into bed with us at about 5:00am and then stays with us until he gets up for good. I just want to be able to put him down for the night and walk out of the room rather than stay with him until he falls asleep

Hope you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon, I feel the pressure to get this organised befre bubs arrives, but have come to accept that it may not be so and to just go with the flow as I have done when he was born. My mantra, this too shall pass, and it always does in the end.

[skeetaboat]

We still lie and talk & read to our DS until he falls asleep, so I've got no advice based on experience, but I've heard lots of people say that consistently picking them up and putting them back in bed every time they get out is what works. Goodluck, it must be hard on your own & being pg to top it off.

[traceyvon]

tried picking up and putting him back into bed, did not work. Think he simply is not ready for that transition yet. He is also finding it difficult that I can't pick him up as much as I used to and he gets frustrated with the bump getting in the way of cuddles. Poor bubs, to young to explain everything to, so have decided to be a bit more understanding.

Thanks for the advice, every bit helps

[skeetaboat]

FWIW my son is 2.5 and we still stay with him until he goes to sleep. DH is very involved in it and often does it. Other times it's a family affair, and soemtimes he just wants mum. Yeah, sometimes it would be nice to just put him in bed & shut the door, but for the most part we love it as much as he does. Life gets busy & hectic during the day & story time is the one time of the day where it's just us, no distractions, electronic devices, phones, noises, demands, etc, etc. We talk about his day, make up imaginary stories, sing the alphabet, talk about upcoming events, etc. It's a great time to connect, share, laugh and learn. It's such a lovely time that we all look forward to. We figure that he will only be so little for such a short time in the scheme of things, and it's not like we're going to look back and go, geez, I wish we'd trained that kid better and had more time to watch CSI Miami when we were in our thirties, yanno?

We've managed to keep it up despite DS2 coming onto the scene a few months ago. It just so happens that DS2 goes down for the night just before DS1's bed time, but if he's still awake, we just bring him in with us and he's usually content just to lie there with us.

It sounds like you're on your own a fair bit so it might be a little more challenging for you, but I'm sure you'll be able to find a system that works if you don't manage to get him going to sleep on his own before bubs comes. I guess I'm just trying to say, don't stress yourself and LO out if it's not working. xxx

[MummyTummy]

My thoughts are that perhaps DS is missing his Dad and so is acting up. That's two things he's dealing with - Dad gone and a new bed. I know you put him in the new bed 3 months ago, but the bed is still fairly new to him and with your DH gone it might just be upsetting enough to him - possibly to even think that you might go too so he has to spend as much time with you as possible.

Can I ask if he is actually leaving his room or just getting out of his bed? If he is just getting out of bed then perhaps just leave him to it (make sure his room is toddler prrof!!) and then go and check on him in 15 mins. Then put him back to bed, and leave again. But if he is leaving his room you could either put a child gate on his door to stop him leaving, or perhaps just give up on the idea that you can leave the room. At least while his Dad is gone.

Good luck. We have our second due in May and we have been co-sleeping with DS up until a week ago. We put him in to his toddler bed in our room, to keep the surroundings familiar. So far so good. As for him going in to his own room I will see how we go, but I am happy that he is in his own bed for now.

Mum2MissM - I went and saw Pinky McKay the other night talking about toddler tactics and she mentioned that a (psychologist maybe?) pointed out to her that toddlers often start difficult behaviour 6 months after a major upheaval, traumatic event etc. The reason I mention it is that there were a few people there that had toddlers that were acting up and sure enough each of them had something that was a major event approx 6 months before - one moved house and toddler went from co-sleeping in old house, to new bed in new room in new house. Another one was in and out of hospital with toddler in tow. So is there anything that could have upset your DD approx 6 months ago?

[[M]umma[M]ia]

ide get out of bed every 20 seconds too if it meant mummy would put me back with happy, cheery kisses and cuddles......

[MummyTummy]

MummyTummy, we moved in September from a unit to a house. She is also currently being toilet trained. She has been in a new room for about a month now (we changed her to a bigger room as baby is coming along and will be in the smaller room now) and she has a new single bed (from toddler bed) the last 3 weeks now. I never thought of all of this may be contributing to it???? Perhaps it is. Since moving to the new house, the new room and the new bed, she has slept through though no problems until 2 nights ago...

She slept in her bed last night with no screaming but she did walk into our room and hop into our bed at 3.50am, went to sleep around 4.30am and then up again at 5.30am.

Think it is just best to go with the flow.

Yeah, sounds like big changes for her - new house, TT, new room, new bed.... soon to be new sibling.... and yeah like I said, it can take up to 6 months for the problem behaviour to actually come out. You might have to deal with this for some time yet - it might be bed wetting or TT regressing next. it doesn't go on for too long though, but I agree, just go with the flow for now and let her start to feel secure again in her own time. And try not to make a big deal about the behaviour, because that will just add to her stress. good luck! Pinky's book 'Toddler Tactics' explains all this in a bit more detail and probably more sense than me too, if you are interested in reading about it.

[MummyTummy]

Oh good to hear!! Poor little thing!