9 month old co-sleeping

[Kirsty77]

Hi everyone

Just wondering....we have had Gemma co-sleeping with us for probably the last 3 months on and off and at the moment shes with us everynight. It started when she got sick with a cold and I brought her to bed with us to keep an eye on her, then she got tonsilitus, then gastro etc etc. In the end she was in our bed more than her own and now in ours all the time as shes teething(those pesky eye teeth!LOL!)and all she wants is me.

Im starting to worry about her co-sleeping as bub #2 is due in 4 months. Has anyone else co-slept with bub #1 while #2 was a new born? I would like for her to go back to her own bed but would never force her to do so. She has had the odd night of sleeping all night in her own bed but thats pretty rare these days.Normally she goes to bed in her own cot but wakes a couple of hours later and we can't settle her in her own bed.I do not want to do the whole controlled crying thing as I think its awful.

Should I be worrying about this or just let her guide us as to where she wants to sleep, which I know will be mummy and daddy's bed !LOL!

[Melinda]

If you want to try and encourage her to go back to her cot, maybe you could try doing a few fun/interesting (yet relaxing.....not 'excitable' type activities) in her room next to her cot as part of a wind-down for the day. Maybe you could introduce a special book (or use a favourite toy or something?) and make the evening bedtime routine something really nice and relaxing and inviting for her......

The other thing you could do is rather than try settling her in her cot, is to get her out and cuddle/rock/pat (or whatever works) in her room, next to her cot, but not actually in it IYKWIM? So get her out and do whatever she needs comfort-wise and then once she has relaxed and calmed down, try putting her back in again?

I guess it's all about making her feel totally comfortable, safe and snuggly in her own room/bed.....

It's tricky though as you say - when they're unwell and they want the extra comfort that only Mummy and Daddy can provide. If you're not in a desperate hurry to get her back into her cot and are happy with how things are for now, perhaps you could just let it slide and be guided by what she needs right now and then try her cot again in a few weeks?

Good luck!

[BellyBelly]

I've done it with both, but even like with my first, I was nervous when I started, but it worked out well.

What is the ideal situation for you? What do YOU want? It is very common for little ones to seek the comfort of their parents at night, even at the ages 1-2, hearing the pitter patter of their footsteps coming to jump back into bed with you - this is normal behaviour. One option is making a bed for her next to yours so she is still close and with you, but depending on what you want, there are all sorts of options!

[Kirsty77]

Thanks Melinda and Kelly I really don't know why Gemma co-sleeping bothers me so much.Some days more than others.To be honest ideally I'd like her in her own bed, BUT I do not want to force her at all. I guess I want her to lead me and let me know when shes ready. Thank you for telling me it is normal(as stupid as it sounds!). I guess I feel kinda a failure that I can't get her to sleep in her own bed.I know its totally stupid and yes it could be the whole preggie hormones in overdrive but yeh Kelly you summed it up when you said you were nervous to start with and I know thats how I feel. Like I'm juggling plates sometimes!LOL!But I know we'll manage and that what we decide is the right thing and at this point I want bed time to be enjoyable for her and calming so looks like its co-sleeping for us!

[BellyBelly]

You say you feel like a failure for not being able to get her into her own bed - sadly that's society for you, making you feel like a child's place is in it's bed and it should be sleeping from 7am-7pm otherwise you'll end up with a clingy, dependant child (oh yeah and you are a bad mother who sets no boundaries for your child), when studies have actually proven opposite. It is completely normal for a child so young to want to be in a safe and secure place to sleep with it's parents and as I mentioned, even if they start off in their own bed, they still might potter back into your bed up to 1-2 years of age. Marisa wanted to be with us all the time, but at 19 months, Elijah will start in his bed and come into our bed anytime after midnight, and day sleeps are in his own bed. I think like any issue, be it going to the dentist, feeding and of course sleeping, if anything is made to be a drama, scary or upsetting for them, it only makes it harder / worse in the long run and while it may solve the problem short term it may not long term.

I often find that in families where co-sleeping and bed sharing is the go, the children initiate going to their own beds in good time, usually around 2-3 and it's no drama - no crying no screaming, no controlling. Marisa was a little over two when she started to verbalise that she was tired, wanted to go to bed, and would even put herself to bed - she felt safe and secure doing so.

I think we tend to doubt our parenting and undermine ourselves when we are going through rough patches, are more sleep deprived than normal or our children are going through developmental stages. We can become fixated on 'fixing' the situation that we forget that our children are only little! Especially with sleep, our lives are so demanding, busy and rush rush, that we need a full nights sleep to cope - our children don't have the physical demands we do hence they don't suffer as much as we do without sleep!

[Kirsty77]

Your right there Kelly. Society can be so cruel to us mothers. My Mum was actually the person who said something first about Gemma co-sleeping and I think its caught in the back of my mind now.She said how bad it is for her but honestly shes been a dream since shes co-slept with us.And yep bubs do cope so much better than us with little sleep.Glad I have BB I tell you as I'd seriously be going nuts! Its nice to hear its 'normal' as like you said your told your bub 'should' be sleeping 7-7 every night but life is soooo much different to that!!

Thanks again its nice to have some rational conversation about the subject to put things in perspective again

[Soph]

Oh Kirsty I so could have written exaclty the same post as you. Lucie has gotten into the habit too, particularly after I co-slept when she had gastro also. Some nights she will stay in her cot, sometimes she ends up with us. And I always bring her back to our bed after her 5am bottle for an extra cuddle and sleep. I was beating myself up about it too, and wondering how we will cope when #2 comes, but after doing lots of thinking about it, I am ok if that's what happens for the moment, at least until my big belly pushes her out!

[Kirsty77]

Hehehe thanks Soph!!You always put a smile on my face!

So glad to hear Gem's not the only one!I think I've finally calmed myself about it now.Isn't it funny how we get so worked up about silly things.