You say you feel like a failure for not being able to get her into her own bed - sadly that's society for you, making you feel like a child's place is in it's bed and it should be sleeping from 7am-7pm otherwise you'll end up with a clingy, dependant child (oh yeah and you are a bad mother who sets no boundaries for your child), when studies have actually proven opposite. It is completely normal for a child so young to want to be in a safe and secure place to sleep with it's parents and as I mentioned, even if they start off in their own bed, they still might potter back into your bed up to 1-2 years of age. Marisa wanted to be with us all the time, but at 19 months, Elijah will start in his bed and come into our bed anytime after midnight, and day sleeps are in his own bed. I think like any issue, be it going to the dentist, feeding and of course sleeping, if anything is made to be a drama, scary or upsetting for them, it only makes it harder / worse in the long run and while it may solve the problem short term it may not long term.
I often find that in families where co-sleeping and bed sharing is the go, the children initiate going to their own beds in good time, usually around 2-3 and it's no drama - no crying no screaming, no controlling. Marisa was a little over two when she started to verbalise that she was tired, wanted to go to bed, and would even put herself to bed - she felt safe and secure doing so.
I think we tend to doubt our parenting and undermine ourselves when we are going through rough patches, are more sleep deprived than normal or our children are going through developmental stages. We can become fixated on 'fixing' the situation that we forget that our children are only little! Especially with sleep, our lives are so demanding, busy and rush rush, that we need a full nights sleep to cope - our children don't have the physical demands we do hence they don't suffer as much as we do without sleep!
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