Oh, Cate, I could have written your post myself! DS went through this and it is soooo hard to sort it out.

Warm bath at night; splashing and having fun is OK! The warmth is soothing so will help.

A regular story and lullaby. I think I already told you our routine. Regularity helps soothe babies.

Do you have a sleep toy or sleep CD? Yes, it takes a little while to accept these items but once they do then it does help.

Don't fret about going down and putting herself to sleep. I've only just managed (only the last 2 nights successfully!) to put DS to bed awake and pat him to sleep. I've been trying to do that since birth without him screaming. Soon we will start to cut out the patting. It's backbreaking to carry them (I had an hour of it this morning 6-7 as I won't let DS get up until 7) but if you relax and don't push it too much then it works. Just it's hard at the time (I'm still going through it, so do have sympathies).

Other thoughts... she is sleeping quite a lot in the day. DS only has 2-3 hours sleep total - 2 more often than 3. Can you give her your old top to snuggle with? Plus changing anything after a life change is hard - which is why I'm changing feeding things AFTER Christmas as that's upheaval enough for DS!

Oh, sleepy food. Porridge before bedtime works well here.

HTH.