Co-Sleep?????????

[briggsy's girl]

our situation is like Heaven's - we dont exclusively co-sleep - if DD is settled, she stays in her cot. if she goes off to sleep and i'm still awake after a night time feed, i'll pop her back in her cot (in our room) so that i can cuddle DH. it works for us though. i lay down to feed her at night time - we are both more relaxed (i have a dodgy arm, so holding her for long periods gets painful, i can't relax properly, and she picks up on that) and it means we both get to sleep and/or rest better. nights like last night, we NEEDED to co-sleep for me to get any rest. DD is going through a wonder week, a bit of a growth spurt AND teething - so she's not sleeping very well. in the six hours from midnight to 6am, i counted 8 full wake ups - and she attached herself another three or four times. if i got out of bed and tried to feed and settle her each time, i'd be a zombie.

i don't personally feel there is anything wrong with co-sleeping. i used to wonder why people would do it - but i changed my mind because it works for us. DD sleeps better if she is feeling off color. we sleep better. we are very close. i don't want her to feel neglected.

as to what would happen if we have another - well, that's a big IF for us, however, you have at least 6 months to work out ways to transition your child out of your bed if you need to. six months makes a HUGE difference in a childs development and their emotional needs. there is no need for it to seem like they are being abandoned. in the same way you wean them onto solids and less BM/formula, you can wean them off co-sleeping and into their own bed. it's not really a drama. i would never NOT allow DD into bed with us for cuddles and things if she is unwell though - even if we have another baby. we have another bed that we can use so that DH can snuggle her and me the bubba if both need us together, or vice verse.

everyone has their own levels of comfort though. there are many many people who won't engage in co-sleeping, who are more comfortable with having their child in their own bed. that's fine as well. as long as you are comfortable with what you're doing, then what everyone else is doing shouldn't impact you at all (but i understand your question was one of curiosity - and that's cool too!)

[nickle730]

We never planned to co-sleep, it happened very organically. From the first night DD6 was born, she wouldn't sleep anywhere else. She made it very clear that she wanted, needed to be near us while she slept! In the bassinet/cot she would cry and cry, put her in our bed and she would settle immediately and was straight off to sleep. It was lovely to wake up in the middle of the night and be able to check her without getting out of bed and traipsing through the house. As she got bigger she would snuggle in as she fell asleep- magic!

DS4 came along when she was 2 years 4 months old. I put the bassinet next to the bed for him, but he was very unsettled for the first 8 weeks - and NOTHING would settle him! I was prepared to co-sleep with them both (king-sized bed) to get some rest but DS was absolutely not interested. At 8 weeks he started to sleep through the night but he would only settle in his cot. As an aside, his crying (OMG... the relentless crying!!!) that first 8 weeks never woke DD, she slept right on through it!

So, DD always had her own room and we even made a big deal of her own 'big girl bed' when she turned 2. A couple of times we even tried to make her sleep in it. We all ended up so upset over the fight to get her into her own bed that eventually we stopped and wondered 'who are we doing this for??' We were all quite happy in the same bed, we all slept well, plenty of room. It was other people who had a problem with it, particularly my mum! So, we decided to let her stay in our bed until she was ready to leave, which happened when she was about 4 and a half. Honestly, I thought it was time, she was getting bigger and taking up more room!! DH though was devastated... his little girl didn't cuddle him all night any more! So, the kids are now 6 and 4... and they both sleep well in their own beds... but last night they both slept with us!!

[CrazyLady]

on nights where DD seems rather upset we all sleep better if she co sleeps. Sometimes will be 2 weeks straight and sometimes will only be an odd night. Usually during wonder weeks or when a tooth is cutting through she needs that extra comfort and I feel if she can cuddle and rest then why not? It works for us.

And Shazzi, DD did that to me the other day was sooooo gorgeous!

[Peg]

for similar reasons as the ladies above.

when i was in hospital after my c-s, the hardest thing was to try and get up to attend to the bub, so i just kept them in the bed with me.

When i got home, i was feeding on demand so having them in bed with me at night meant that I could do that without having to completely wake up and turn lights on and sit in a chair to feed.

I generally only had them with me for the first 6 months, by this stage i found they were sleeping thru most of the night so when i moved them to their cot, i only had them waking up in the early morning. I dont know if this was a result of co-sleeping, but i've certainly found that it was the easiest way to manage night feeding...and sleeping.

[anney]

maybe im a horrible mum but i believe that the reason my child has a room and a cot is to sleep in it!

You're NOT a horrible mum. You are doing what our western society has done for many years. But in many other societies now and in the past, co-sleeping is the norm. Mainly because of the way they live and that they don't have spare bedrooms to put children in. Doesn't make children any less independent

Nothing wrong with either way of doing it just different. We didn't plan on doing it but it jsut happened. DD has moved out of our room (on a separate mattress as she just got too big) just in the last few months and she is 7. But we only have one child so did not have to consider what you do with more than one in the bed!

[hj1981]

Thanks everyone so much for replying! Lady bug im definalty not offended by what you said, i thought i would offended a few people! LOL but like i said each to their own! i just always wondered why some people do it and now i know! and it has turned out im not the only one wondering so im glad i asked!

I do have another few question tho.....

Wouldn't Co-Sleeping interfer with your relationship with your husband? I know DTD etc dosent have to be limited to the bedroom (im all for the great out doors... well use to be) but i really value the time in bed with DH where it is just the 2 of us cuddled up together! its like "our" time! and Miss B joins us in the morning when she wakes up!

and do your husbands mind having to share? Honestly do they mind? because im thinking that co-sleeping is mainly the mum's idea! (any dads out there???)


Must admit those magical moments of being there when bub wakes up does sound beautiful, but i get those moments in other forms throughout the day!

Once again thanks everyone for your replies this has been very interesting!

[Peg]

and do your husbands mind having to share? Honestly do they mind? because im thinking that co-sleeping is mainly the mum's idea!

i think my DH enjoyed having her in the bed. if you think about it, fathers dont really get to spend much time with their newborns becaues they are generally out working all day, and at night bub is mostly sleeping.

The other benefit is that I didnt have to wake him up to go and get bub for me...she was right there and able to feed without waking up the whole family.

[Doing my best]

We didn't plan on co-sleeping in the same bed, but we do and I don't like it all! I do it cause it is the only way DD will have a decent sleep. Just a shame I don't get the same good sleep.

I love the cuddles, but she is a very violent sleeper, so within an hour and for the entire night, I get kicked in various parts of the body, especially if DH is in the bed as well. This has resulted in DH often sleeping in the spare room with DD, cause she isn't as bad with just one of us in the bed. Maybe if she would stay reasonably still (not getting sideways and kicking us), I wouldn't dislike it so much.

DS sleeps in a cot in our room, has never slept in out bed, cause I have been scared DD will hurt him accidently in her sleep.

Yes it impacts on our intimate time, and it seems to get to me more than DH. But thankfully DH accepts that us getting sleep is more important so we might actually want to do something more.

Personally I am hoping to move the kids into the same room when we get back from our holidays (no use doing it before since we are going to be in a caravan for 3 weeks). if the move out of our room doesn't gel too well with DD, I will have her back with us, just for the sake of her getting a good sleep and me getting 'some' sleep.

[Doing my best]

and do your husbands mind having to share? Honestly do they mind? because im thinking that co-sleeping is mainly the mum's idea! (any dads out there???)

It was my idea to start with, I was pg, and very tired when DD 1st ended up in our bed. But it was/is DH who has insisted on continuing for as long as we have.

[yummymummy]

and do your husbands mind having to share? Honestly do they mind? because im thinking that co-sleeping is mainly the mum's idea! (any dads out there???)

I was very against the idea but the hospital I had my daughter at was very pro-co-sleeping and even got us to do it in the ward - I was petrified I'd roll on her! When my DD started with the colic and reflux DH suggested we try co-sleeping and still loves it that we do it. It really does create an amazing bond. Wouldn't have it any other way now!! Not sure how we'll do it with two but have loved reading people's suggestions on here