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Co-Sleep?????????
Honestly i don't understand the need/want for it?! maybe im a horrible mum but i believe that the reason my child has a room and a cot is to sleep in it! and i think its part and parcel of them growing up and becomming independant! once they reach a certain age they are no longer babies anymore! although in my eyes Miss B will always be my baby even when she is 30! but hopefully u get what i mean!
However i have read about alot of ppl Co-Sleeping!
Now without anyone taking any offence pleeeeeaaaaaasssssseeeeeee
Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
How long you plan on doing it for?
And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed?
If not and you plan on moving the older one in their own bed, isn't it cruel to just than "kick" them out? and wouldn't it be harder for them to than adjust to at long last sleeping in their own bed, as opposed to if you had of just stuck it out and perserveed at the start and got them use to sleeping in their own beds?!
Don't get me wrong i have nothing against it - each to their own i say - i just have never felt the need for it - but we still have cuddle time in the bed in the morning when Miss B wakes up!
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Re: Co-Sleep?????????
I co-sleep with DD because it makes night time feeds easier and I don't have to get up so I get more rest. I did the same with DS. Then when his night feeds dropped off he slept in his cot next to my bed which I still consider as co-sleeping. Then when he was sleeping through the night we moved his cot back into his own room.
The night time snuggles are nice
ETA: I've also heard that SAFE co-sleeping can help reduce risk of SIDS.
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I'm not worried about DD becoming 'independent' I'm sure she'll so it in her own time, and she's only 1, maybe if she was 5 I would be thinking 'ok, get out now!!' LOL.
Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
Well, survival mainly, LOL. At the start we didn't do it. It was uncomfortable. I always had to face DD coz I thought I'd roll on her if I didn't and I had a much worse sleep if she was in our bed. But from about 6 months we did it more regularly and from probably 8 months she's been in our bed most of the night. She starts of in her cot (in our room) and then moves to our bed at the first wake up. She still wakes up 3 or more times a night so it's way easier and I get so much more sleep. I am still waking up a lot but I feel A LOT more rested!!! Usually I just fall asleep feeding her and then when she wakes next she's still in our bed. Now she's older I know I can't squash her or anything, she would not let me! lol.
How long you plan on doing it for?
As long as it works for us. Until she starts sleeping better I guess and stays in her cot for longer.
And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed?
I have no idea how this will work!! Not sure what we'll do if she's still in our bed when another one comes! Makes me a bit sad reallyI don't want to kick her out before she's ready or just because of a new baby! So I would probably try to move her before the baby came or something, no idea.
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The first reason was to make night time feeds easier, not having to get up and therefore getting more rest.
I think its odd that you carry a baby for 9 months and then when are born, putting them in a room away from you. (Please don't be offended, just my opinion)
DS has a bed in his bedroom and when he is ready I'm sure he will be happy to sleep in there.
When we have another bub, I'm happy for all of us to sleep in the same bed, if that is where everyone gets the most sleep.
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Can someone explain to me the reasons why you Co-Sleep?
similar to previous posts, only way that i could get some sleep. couldnt get up so many times each night to feed. i breastfeed while laying down and sleep while she feeds. closeness.. i dont stress about if she is sick, too hot, too cold, because i am right there and so dont feel the need to go check her a million times. i have heard the SIDS thing too. also, i sleep better when she is there. she starts off her sleep in her cot and then i go get her when she wakes up about 11pm and she is in with us the rest of the night. sometimes i go get her earlier (even when she hasnt woken up on her own) cause i want her LOL
How long you plan on doing it for?
until she sleep for longer stretches at a time or until she grows out of it. from experience with DD1 (she started off in her bed and then eventually stopped waking up and coming in t ous but just woke up in her own room in the morning) and that was at about 19months, that didnt happen every night though.
And if u only have one bub and another one comes along are you planning on having them both share your bed?
DD1 used to come into us on the odd occasion in the middle of the night and get into bed with us. after DD2 came along it got too squishy.. we got a king size bed. still too squishy so we put a cot mattress on the floor in our room and she hops onto that on the nights she wakes up and coems in.
i also think that co-sleeping doesnt jeapordise (sp??) their independence. i dont know any kids older than say 8 who sleep in their mum and dads bed. plus they are independent in other ways. and in truth, i think the closeness and bonding that occured from DD1 co-sleeping helped her to feel more secure and attached,
but i also agree, sometimes it would be easier if they just slept in their room all night long.. (i would miss em though)!
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I love co-sleeping but did not intend to do it. I think that it is good for babies to be in close proximity to their parents and independence can happen later. I have come to think that independence is an overprioritised aspect of a babies development.
Before being pregnant i thought babies should learn to be independent early and just thought i would do some sort of control crying etc like family had done. Then while pregnant DH and I discussed our developing views on our role as parents as realised we were more gentle/attachment style. We purchased a hugabub before a pram and use the sling much more as we like the physical closeness. We think that babies benefit from the emotional growth the physical closeness brings.
DD slept in the cot in the bedroom at the end of our bed at first. Then at 3 months she had heart surgery and became much more energetic and hungry (and me a wreck!). She started feeding more frequently and not going to sleep in the cot and being upset. I had already been using the hugabub for day sleeps and moving her in to the big bed meant I could respond to her needs at night without her becoming distressed. Breast feeding is easy and i never have to fully become wide awake and neither does she. When I leave her to fully wake up she will then stay awake for over an hour and play or get upset.
This morning she woke me gently by stroking my face with her hand while she was still asleep...magic.
When she starts sleeping for longer and we both seem ready (i do not know what that will mean so it is just a play it by ear thing) i will try putting her back in the cot in my room and then gradually make the transition to her own room. I do not see that happening until she is over 12 months. DH sleeps in DD's future room which means he gets a good sleep to go to work and deal with his stressful job. He does not get woken and that works for us.
I personally think that little ones need to closeness of their parents, but I know their are many different opinions. My DD was premmie and spent 6.5 weeks in hospital before coming home and that was pure torture. That has also had an impact on our parenting.
If we have a second i would not co-sleep with two in the bed. I would have encouraged DD to sleep on her own mattress and then gradually move that out to her own room and make it a big exciting move that she can take part in.
I just love going to bed and seeing my little one lying peacefully, hearing her breath and knowing that she can hear my breathing and feel me if she needs to. Like this morning.
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our situation is like Heaven's - we dont exclusively co-sleep - if DD is settled, she stays in her cot. if she goes off to sleep and i'm still awake after a night time feed, i'll pop her back in her cot (in our room) so that i can cuddle DH. it works for us though. i lay down to feed her at night time - we are both more relaxed (i have a dodgy arm, so holding her for long periods gets painful, i can't relax properly, and she picks up on that) and it means we both get to sleep and/or rest better. nights like last night, we NEEDED to co-sleep for me to get any rest. DD is going through a wonder week, a bit of a growth spurt AND teething - so she's not sleeping very well. in the six hours from midnight to 6am, i counted 8 full wake ups - and she attached herself another three or four times. if i got out of bed and tried to feed and settle her each time, i'd be a zombie.
i don't personally feel there is anything wrong with co-sleeping. i used to wonder why people would do it - but i changed my mind because it works for us. DD sleeps better if she is feeling off color. we sleep better. we are very close. i don't want her to feel neglected.
as to what would happen if we have another - well, that's a big IF for us, however, you have at least 6 months to work out ways to transition your child out of your bed if you need to. six months makes a HUGE difference in a childs development and their emotional needs. there is no need for it to seem like they are being abandoned. in the same way you wean them onto solids and less BM/formula, you can wean them off co-sleeping and into their own bed. it's not really a drama. i would never NOT allow DD into bed with us for cuddles and things if she is unwell though - even if we have another baby. we have another bed that we can use so that DH can snuggle her and me the bubba if both need us together, or vice verse.
everyone has their own levels of comfort though. there are many many people who won't engage in co-sleeping, who are more comfortable with having their child in their own bed. that's fine as well. as long as you are comfortable with what you're doing, then what everyone else is doing shouldn't impact you at all (but i understand your question was one of curiosity - and that's cool too!)
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We never planned to co-sleep, it happened very organically. From the first night DD6 was born, she wouldn't sleep anywhere else. She made it very clear that she wanted, needed to be near us while she slept! In the bassinet/cot she would cry and cry, put her in our bed and she would settle immediately and was straight off to sleep. It was lovely to wake up in the middle of the night and be able to check her without getting out of bed and traipsing through the house. As she got bigger she would snuggle in as she fell asleep- magic!
DS4 came along when she was 2 years 4 months old. I put the bassinet next to the bed for him, but he was very unsettled for the first 8 weeks - and NOTHING would settle him!I was prepared to co-sleep with them both (king-sized bed) to get some rest but DS was absolutely not interested. At 8 weeks he started to sleep through the night but he would only settle in his cot. As an aside, his crying (OMG... the relentless crying!!!
) that first 8 weeks never woke DD, she slept right on through it!
So, DD always had her own room and we even made a big deal of her own 'big girl bed' when she turned 2. A couple of times we even tried to make her sleep in it.We all ended up so upset over the fight to get her into her own bed that eventually we stopped and wondered 'who are we doing this for??' We were all quite happy in the same bed, we all slept well, plenty of room. It was other people who had a problem with it, particularly my mum!
So, we decided to let her stay in our bed until she was ready to leave, which happened when she was about 4 and a half. Honestly, I thought it was time, she was getting bigger and taking up more room!! DH though was devastated... his little girl didn't cuddle him all night any more! So, the kids are now 6 and 4... and they both sleep well in their own beds... but last night they both slept with us!!
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on nights where DD seems rather upset we all sleep better if she co sleeps. Sometimes will be 2 weeks straight and sometimes will only be an odd night. Usually during wonder weeks or when a tooth is cutting through she needs that extra comfort and I feel if she can cuddle and rest then why not? It works for us.
And Shazzi, DD did that to me the other day was sooooo gorgeous!
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for similar reasons as the ladies above.
when i was in hospital after my c-s, the hardest thing was to try and get up to attend to the bub, so i just kept them in the bed with me.
When i got home, i was feeding on demand so having them in bed with me at night meant that I could do that without having to completely wake up and turn lights on and sit in a chair to feed.
I generally only had them with me for the first 6 months, by this stage i found they were sleeping thru most of the night so when i moved them to their cot, i only had them waking up in the early morning. I dont know if this was a result of co-sleeping, but i've certainly found that it was the easiest way to manage night feeding...and sleeping.
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You're NOT a horrible mum. You are doing what our western society has done for many years. But in many other societies now and in the past, co-sleeping is the norm. Mainly because of the way they live and that they don't have spare bedrooms to put children in. Doesn't make children any less independentmaybe im a horrible mum but i believe that the reason my child has a room and a cot is to sleep in it!
Nothing wrong with either way of doing it just different. We didn't plan on doing it but it jsut happened. DD has moved out of our room (on a separate mattress as she just got too big) just in the last few months and she is 7. But we only have one child so did not have to consider what you do with more than one in the bed!
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Thanks everyone so much for replying! Lady bug im definalty not offended by what you said, i thought i would offended a few people! LOL but like i said each to their own! i just always wondered why some people do it and now i know! and it has turned out im not the only one wondering
I do have another few question tho.....
Wouldn't Co-Sleeping interfer with your relationship with your husband? I know DTD etc dosent have to be limited to the bedroom (im all for the great out doors... well use to be) but i really value the time in bed with DH where it is just the 2 of us cuddled up together! its like "our" time! and Miss B joins us in the morning when she wakes up!
and do your husbands mind having to share? Honestly do they mind? because im thinking that co-sleeping is mainly the mum's idea! (any dads out there???)
Must admit those magical moments of being there when bub wakes up does sound beautiful, but i get those moments in other forms throughout the day!
Once again thanks everyone for your replies this has been very interesting!
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We're kinda co-sleeping atm - We never wanted to, but DS starting getting restless in his basinette after only 2 hours of sleep at night, so we now co-sleep and he sleeps really well.. We're only doing it until we can afford some baby monitors and we'll then be putting him in his cot at the other end of the house (which is why we want the monitors)
my lovely, you're not a horrible mother!
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i think my DH enjoyed having her in the bed. if you think about it, fathers dont really get to spend much time with their newborns becaues they are generally out working all day, and at night bub is mostly sleeping.
The other benefit is that I didnt have to wake him up to go and get bub for me...she was right there and able to feed without waking up the whole family.
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We didn't plan on co-sleeping in the same bed, but we do and I don't like it all! I do it cause it is the only way DD will have a decent sleep. Just a shame I don't get the same good sleep.
I love the cuddles, but she is a very violent sleeper, so within an hour and for the entire night, I get kicked in various parts of the body, especially if DH is in the bed as well. This has resulted in DH often sleeping in the spare room with DD, cause she isn't as bad with just one of us in the bed. Maybe if she would stay reasonably still (not getting sideways and kicking us), I wouldn't dislike it so much.
DS sleeps in a cot in our room, has never slept in out bed, cause I have been scared DD will hurt him accidently in her sleep.
Yes it impacts on our intimate time, and it seems to get to me more than DH. But thankfully DH accepts that us getting sleep is more important so we might actually want to do something more.
Personally I am hoping to move the kids into the same room when we get back from our holidays (no use doing it before since we are going to be in a caravan for 3 weeks). if the move out of our room doesn't gel too well with DD, I will have her back with us, just for the sake of her getting a good sleep and me getting 'some' sleep.
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It was my idea to start with, I was pg, and very tired when DD 1st ended up in our bed. But it was/is DH who has insisted on continuing for as long as we have.
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Personally and I would like to stress this is just my opinion/experience, I feel so much safer having my little baby (turning one in just over a week now so not so little really) right next to me. My breathing helps to regulate her own, my body helps to keep her warm, if she needs me I am not far from her side. I also find so much comfort in the fact that she is breastfeeding more frequently and that I don't have to get up to give her the benefits of this.
I believe the opposite is true in terms of independence. I feel that by showing my daughter I am here for her whenever she needs, she gains confidence and this is echoed in many studies. My thinking is that being in their own room/bed might teach them they HAVE to be independent and personally, I'd rather teach them they CAN be because they are secure in the fact that if things go wrong, I am right there to help. Not saying this is not possible without co-sleeping but I definitely don't think co-sleeping hinders this in any way.
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I missed the part bout DH minding
My DH hated the idea of him sleeping in our bed first, but when he saw that it made him have some sleep, then he didn't mind whatsoever.
But now that he's getting a bit bigger, he wants to move him into his own cot and room and such.
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