With DD when she was new XP left us to sleep in the spare room because we were "noisy and annoying keeping him awake" - he was NOT helpful at night! However at that point she wasn't truly co-sleeping, because she was theoretically in a cot next to my side of the bed, but he objected to the fact that for the first few weeks i had to put the light on and sit up to help her get onto the breast well. I did once pull the same stunt on him when i was literally seeing things that weren't there due to exhaustion - got a great solid 4 hours which set me up! We broke up soon after (nothing to do with sleeping arrangments, had been on the rocks a long time and refusing to see it).
With DP now we have only co-slept all together a handful of times because he's only here a few times a week, but when we do nothing "happens" to him. We only have a 4-foot futon actually, so it can be a squeeze! Basically DD stumbles in in the middle of the night and picks a side to get into. She once or twice has gotten in between us, but generally she gets in the outside next to one or other of us. Whoever is closest to her snuggles her in and we all go back to sleep.
We actually love family cuddles in the mornings and she ALWAYS gets in bed for those, but i have to be honest, we're in the process of moving in together and top of the list is a super-king-size bed to fill with babies - it really IS a squeeze with 3 of us in a 4' bed!
So co-sleeping is something we do and plan to continue to do with future bubs for the following reasons:
- lack of sleep IME causes far more agruments moods and upset than lack sex-in-bed or sleeping-together. I wouldn't mind DP having the odd night to catch some zzzz's when we have a baby, because his work is high pressure and highly intellectually demanding, so if he's over-tired he's useless, and it's his wage which will allow me to be a SAHM. And i found it really DOES mean a better sleep if bubs is close to me and doesn't need to cry or fuss for me in the night.
- i find the better connected i am to my DD the better she behaves and the more fun we have together. I put a lot of this down to the bodning time we've had co-sleeping and baby-wearing, because i had to wean off the breast at 7 months so BFing was no longer available bonding time. I know lots of babies who will bond during bottle-time but unfortunately my DD wouldn't have anything of that - if she was getting a bottle SHE wanted to hold it and SHE wanted to feed it and SHE wanted to have it while she was still having fun and learning - if i held her she'd grizzle and refuse to take it anyway.
- we tend not to have much sex in the bedroom anyway - we have polenty of sex, but the bed is an occasional venue rather than staple stuff, so it doesn't affect our relationship that way.
My experience with DD was the the first 3 months are to be enjoyed AND survived. And if surviving with our tempers and relationship intact means we spend the occasional night in seperate beds, well, i'm ok with that.
DH didn't like sleeping in the same room as DS, even with him in a cot, so happily moved out. I was fine with him staying or going, didn't really bother me.
We now have lovely snuggly morning cuddles, the three of us, and DH just LOVES that, especially if DS wakes up after 5.30am and I let him go back to sleep in our bed (he won't sleep alone after about this time) - DS doesn't wake DH as much if he's in with us and the joy on their faces when they can play peek-a-boo over me is... quite sad, in the case of DH tbh. He's not that excited to see me first thing in the morning!
Sharing a bed again. That was quite easy. I had to re-train DH that I like to be cuddled before sleep, but that didn't take too long. We didn't have a problem with any relationship aspect either, just because we weren't sharing a bed. I mean, we didn't for quite a long time when we were dating, so it's not as if we can't enjoy each other's company outside the bedroom. But we just made sure that if we did want to do anything, we had condoms in every room of the house so wherever we were, we didn't have to sneak into the bedroom, and potentially wake DS up, so we could have sex!
We never saw it in terms of sacrificing anything, nor in benefits for DS. We just knew it was what worked for us, so go for it. We didn't feel hard done to (in fact DH loved the fact I couldn't wake him up in the middle of the night, also he got a lie-in most weekends!) and although I could state benefits, that wasn't considered. Except if external people (ie our parents) wanted justification, then it was all "regulates breathing and diurnal rhythm" and stuff. It was more "I'm dropping off to sleep holding DS in the night, blow it, let's just co-sleep properly and I'll be more rested."
we have so-slept on and off over the last couple of years. Mainly DS has slept in his own room but for the last few months he wont sleep through unless he is co sleeping, so it usually ends up with DH in DS bed and DS in bed with me. DH hates co sleeping so it makes senswe for him to go and sleep by himself. DH hates not sleeping with me though and would rather DS slept in his own room, but we perfer a good nights sleep so we usually end up cosleeping at some point during the night. I LOVE having DS in bed beside me, its the most beautiful thing in the world and as he is my only child i want to make the most of this time that he wants to e close to me, cause all too soon he wont want anything to do with me!
I'm a big fan of co-sleeping...so is DH because everything is more peaceful. We have a queen sized bed and maybe because DH and I aren't big people there was just enough room for all of us. I would love a king sized bed though... infact our next bed will be a king... I'm already buying king sized sheets in readiness. If our babies were going through tricky periods then we'd often roll a futon out in our bedroom and I'd sleep down there with the baby while DH remained in our bed. When baby finally settled I'd slip back up into our bed, leaving the baby on the futon. That worked REALLY well.
My DH chooses not to sleep in the bed, though admittedly it's much more comfy if he doesn't. I get more sleep co sleeping and so does DH which results in a happier mummy, and there fore a happier everyone! DH sleeps on a mattress on the floor in our room, or in DD's room on her big bed (she's still in her cot) or sometimes on the lounge. As for sex, we just find alternatives. It doesn't have to happen in bed all the time. It rarely does for us if ever now!!
Whenever we co-sleep we're all in the bed. There is no way either DH or I would leave the bed. Neither of us sleep well without the other there and while I have to admit that when he gets up to do the early shift with one of the girls and I get a couple of hours of bed to myself (except for the cat) its lovely to sprawl, but a couple of hours is the absolute limit.
Thank you so much for all your replies, and sharing your stories.
Although, you might co-sleep in different ways, i can see that the ways you have developed work for you, and we will find the way that works for us.
I wasn't worried so much about the sex side of it, but similar to LuluHB i just love the staying in the same bed, knowing he is there, and cuddles and touches. I have a shift working partner, like many others (there are heaps of us), and although sometimes it is nice to starfish, we both sleep better when we are both there.
We broke up soon after (nothing to do with sleeping arrangments, had been on the rocks a long time and refusing to see it).
- we have polenty of sex, but the bed is an occasional venue rather than staple stuff, so it doesn't affect our relationship that way.
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