Is this control crying??

[Mumma2three]

I think that could be called cc but you're doing it gently, and there is nothing wrong with going in every minute or two and teaching her to self settle. It's different if they cry and cry and cry, but if you know what her limit is and yours, then you're doing the right thing. If she won't settle, you can stay and just pat her but leave her in the cot. Controlled crying doesn't have to be awful. If you went in and out say three times (over 6 minutes) and you didn't think she was settling, you can stay in and just not talk to her or look at her, but pat her so she knows you're there. At least you're not picking her up.(and it's ok to pick up, but if you want a self settler, it is not ok to pick up). So it means she won't get really upset, and knows you're there, but also knows when it's bedtime it's stay in the cot time.
I have done it this way, gently, and it worked wonders. With no1 I was happy to feed to sleep, co-sleep and rock etc, but I just don't have the time or inclination to do that this time, and I feel much happier knowing that my bub is having a long undisturbed sleep (of course she's sick now and that is out the window for the moment) but it is necessary for me to be albe to spend time with DD1 and DH at night. For the first 9 weeks I spent an hour a night settling and it just meant DD1 was neglected, no one got dinner etc and I was a mess. It only took a few nights of putting her down in her cot and going in and out often (it was every 10 seconds I think...) but she never got upset becasue I was always right there to give her a pat.
Ok, off on a tangent, sorry about that. Good luck and don't feel like a bad mum, it sounds like you're a very good mum xo