feeding to sleep at 5 months - is this bad?

[SammyRo]

DD has lost her ability to self-settle, which I know is part of her becoming way more aware of the world and not wanting to miss anything. So I'm feeding to sleep, which I'm happy to do, except I'm worried that she'll still need this when she's older! Plus, what happens when I'm not there? She will sometimes go to sleep in the sling, depending on where we are, but I like her to have her morning nap in her cot so i can get a shower and get washing done.

Any tips? Will she re-learn to self-settle even if I am feeding her to sleep? Or should I perservere and try to settle without a feed? Its just that within 5 mins she gets so worked up that the only thing that will then settle her is a boob. I tried to watch for her tired signs today and as soon as I saw them, I picked her up for some quiet time - made no attempt to settle her, just kept her close and tried to get her to sit quietly, but she didn't want that and within 10 mins she'd gotten herself worked up so it was on the boob.

thanks!

[MantaRay]

Sammy, you hear it all the time that if you feed a baby to sleep they will always need it. Personally I think it's a load of rubbish. I fed both my boys to sleep at that age, and both stopped wanting a feed before bed all by themselves. DS1 was 14 months when he stopped having a feed before bed, but he was not feeding to sleep long before then. DS2 stopped having a feed before bed at around 12 months, and also stopped feeding to sleep a few months before then. And this was all infant led!

As for when you are not there, I never found that to be a problem either. When you are there, she will want the usual routine. But when you are not there with your milk smell, she should be fine. My boys were able to fall asleep without me if I wasn't there, but if I was there they would want their feed. I worried terribly the couple of times that they were put to bed while I was out, but I needn't have. Each time the DS in question feel asleep easily with no fuss after a drink of EBM.

[jackrose]

You will hear a million different answers to this question as all of us parent slightly differently and each child is different so I think the best thing to do is take on board what everyone has to say and do what sits best with you and your bub.

For my experience, your story sounds very familiar to me when my DD was 5 months, she went from being a brilliant self settler to a baby needing a feed to get to sleep. I believe in attached parenting and informed parenting so I did lots of reading about it and found the opposing ideas that 1. babies will never learn to self settle so you had better put a stop to it and 2. babies will be fine and self wean in their own time. I decided to just go with it.

However, it didn't work for me. After a while, I found feeding to sleep mucked up my DD's whole sleep routine as she became dependent on the breast to get back to sleep at all times. After a few weeks of feeding to sleep and much like a dummy dependency, DD would wake up each sleep cycle and cry hysterically for the boob to re-settle. I understood it to be very confusing for her in that she would drift off to sleep with a lovely boob in her mouth, content then wake up in the dark, 40 mins later alone and without the boob... it made sense that this was distressing and required high pitch crying to get the boob back again. This was while co-sleeping mind you! In the end I was getting no sleep as she was waking every 30-40 min, sucking for a few min, drifting off and doing that all again. In the day she would only nap for 30-40 min. Suffice to say we were all very sleep deprived. In the end, it took months of bad sleep and struggle before I decided to put an end to it and re-taught her to go to sleep without feeding to settle. Now, she can re-settle without the boob and finally sleeps through the night and naps properly during the day.

That said, if I have another, I would not necessarily avoid feeding to sleep, as I have read, and as previously posted by MantaRay it certainly works for some babies.

And on the question of them settling without you there, as mentioned:

My boys were able to fall asleep without me if I wasn't there, but if I was there they would want their feed.

we also never had a problem with DD settling for others.

HTH you to sort out what works for you guys!

[Rahjah]

Personally I think the idea of a baby "self settling" is kind of strange and unrealistic. Babies need us to help regulate their emotions, they can't do it on their own. I think that feeding to sleep is natural and lovely for both mum and baby - having said that, my DS won't do it! It depends on if you have the patience to and whether or not YOU find it a lovely relaxing thing or not. If not, then it would be good not to encourage it I suppose. Not all the time anyway.

I always say this but Elizabeth Pantleys book "the No Cry Sleep Solution" will help lots with your ideas She talks about this and it is a great, gentle book.

[water_lily80]

i have always fed my 12 month old to sleep for his day sleeps, and only just in the past week have started teaching different settling techniques, basically laying him down awake after a feed and sitting with him and "sshh" and he drops off on his own, taking a bit of time but he is getting the hang of it now!! i really enjoy the quiet time just the 2 of us.

my dh actually finds it easier to help him settle (having no boobs and all) so i wouldn't worry about when you are not there.

but all bubs and mums are different. good luck with your choice

[Beach Mama]

Izzy still has a bottle to sleep for her night sleep even now and is nearly 18 mths old. She is a happy sleeper though and for day sleeps we will say "time for a nap" and she will run to her room holding our hand! At night she will do the same but needs the routine of a bottle and cuddles with daddy or I and will get very drowsy or fall asleep with us before going to sleep. I worried for a while and then thought- it works for us, we have a happy sleeper and she will eventually grow out of it. She was booby fed to sleep up until 11 mths and this little man will be the same! Only natural that she wants to have cuddles before bed - I know I like DH to give me one before I go to sleep! Keep up the great work!

[sunshine_sieben]

I either fed DD to sleep or walked her to sleep in a sling until she was about 12 months old. Only just before the 1 year mark did she start waking up frequently during the night but that was due to teething and her walking etc. Before that she used to sleep for anything from 3-5 hour stretches, at night getting a quick booby feed to resettle then off to sleep again. As Isaid, it went out of the window at 12 months. At around the same time I did notice however that she had stopped feeding to sleep, instead would have her feed, then cuddle up to me and go to sleep like that. I started taking her into her cot awake and all of a sudden this didn't cause a screaming fit. Instead I just had to pat her bum for a minute and she'd rift off by herself. Before that she NEVER settled in her cot, patting, singing and rocking didn't calm her, only taking her out did.
Other people never had a problem settling her wihtout a feed. But if she was with me, she knew the boobs were just right under her nose, so she wanted them.
Don't worry too much. If it isn't a problem for you, then go with it. You can still address it later if it does turn out to become an issue.

All the best, Saša

[soon2be]

Hi. I understand your concerns. I was much the same with DS who is now just shy of 11 months old. DS used to always want the boob to self settle. As he's gotten a bit older he's gotten better at settling down and not fighting off sleep. I still feed him myself, but he's also on solid food and some soy formula. It's funny, he used to love having a feed from me in the evenings especially. During the day on many days he wouldn't settle at all unless he was hanging off me on the couch. Now he's decided that food is far more exciting than me which is great. He's also going through moments when he thinks he wants to feed from me but realises after about a minute that he doesn't want me but won't go down for bed unless he's had a bottle. DP and I have let DS lead the way about his wants. He's a content and happy baby. For us we've found that having a relatively relaxed approach has worked. I think at the end of the day your baby is its own person and in time will decide what it wants. Yes they have to learn but I think if you let them learn and are somewhat flexible then you'll have a good chance of having a content baby on your hands. Don't stress about feeding your baby to sleep. I did. My mum used to tut tut me for it, saying that DS would forever be reliant on me to get to sleep. The only reason I'm not feeding to sleep now is that DS has decided that he doesn't want that anymore. That's the only reason we've stopped. Every baby's different and they change as they grow. Don't stress about it. You'll be fine.

[SammyRo]

Thanks for your replies ladies - I guess I just wanted reassurance that I wasn't putting the rod in my own back as some people say!

As i said, she sleeps great at night, settles well after a feed and goes anywhere between 5-9 hours so i have no issues about feeding her to sleep at night. It was just the day naps coz she gets herself so worked up that i can't do anything else except feed her. I think I'll stick with it, because i enjoy it anyway and it saves a lot of tears. Fingers crossed that by the time she's one, she'll be working things out on her own!

Cheers

[MantaRay]

Good on you Sammy. Sounds like you are doing a great job.