Hey Mummy! - No Boobie, No Sleep! Sleep books making me stressed!

[Melody7]

Well, I'm reading my second book on gentle sleep solutions - I've read Pinky's and now I'm reading Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" and I must say, that when I read these books, I'm starting to become quite upset.

Having read these books, it appears that my 6mth old should be able to sleep for a longer period at night without needing the boob. Currently, my DS wakes about every 2 hours (at least) at night for a boob, regardless of whether he's hungry or not. I've become his dummy. Add in the GP's comments that "He should be sleeping for 10 hours" and I'm in a total muddle.

Having read what my son could potentially be doing, I'm feeling really flat now and am realising that in choosing to attend to his every cry (I can't BARE to let him cry to sleep etc) that I've somehow made choices that have resulted in him having this sucking-to-sleep association.

I love sleeping with my son and really want to continue doing so, but the last few nights he's started crying out if he wakes and the boob isn't in his mouth - a new development to add to my feelings of inadequacy! I feel like crying today because my boobies are sore from all the sucking and I have no-one I can talk to about my natural/attachment style of parenting and what on earth I should be doing.

Elizabeth Pantley says it is possible to co-sleep with your baby and not be a continuous dummy, but I suppose that's going to require many tiring nights of trying to remove him from the boob while he's still awake (but not asleep - almost impossible!) and hope that he learns to sleep in a different way.

I didn't even feel very happy to see his smiling face today Feeling like cr*p!

Am I alone in this?

ps. sorry for the long post & the sob story....

[Willow]

No hun, you're definitely not alone!!

I don't go in for the total attachment parenting style, ie we don't co-sleep and I don't feed to sleep either (well I guess I do overnight actually ), but we still have our issues!

DS wakes every 3-4.5 hours for a feed. This equates to a feed at about 10pm, another at about 1.30-2am, then 5-6am then we get up for the day at about 7.30-8.30am.

With my DD I had already started to resettle rather than feed at that 2am feed when she was 4 months old.

After reading all this gentle parenting stuff, I've pretty much responded to DS's crying at night immediately and fed him thinking I was doing the right thing and eventually he'd start to sleep longer stretches on his own. Pfft! Not happening.

Starting to think I should have done things differently too. Perhaps some things just don't work for all people (or in this case, babies).

I wish I had the answers...I'm starting to get tired!

It's an awful, sinking feeling to read or to be told by 'experts' that your son 'should' be doing this, 'should' be doing that when you just can't see he's ever going to do it.

[*charmalea*]

oh you poor darl ..
firstly i would put the books in the bin .... you are the one who knows your son best and you are the one who knows what to do , the books will just make you crazy ..
could dh try cuddling up with ethan???

if you love sleeping with him ... keep doing it , im not sure about the boob thing as a dummy but one way or another it will work it self out .... or some other lovely bb will have a good idea ...

but as for those books .... they may sound like they can make your life easier ....but they are not going to , from you post they are making you insane , my son never slept through till he was about 1 ... thats not to scare you , (and yes he fed when ever he woke , its only milk it wont harm him , it will nourish him !!) but to let you know babies dont go by the book ....and the not crying to sleep thing is not a bad thing , if ds was upset i would comfort him , simple as that , that is what we are made to do ... so if he cries ,do your duty and comfort him ...

i guess what im trying to say is : you sound as though you are doing a fab job , but some person you dont even know ( the author) is getting into your head .. the person doesnt even know your boy so i would shut the book , take a look at your boy and go with his cues ... the weight of this will be off your back , if you tune into yourself and ethan !!!

[krysalyss]

Melody - free yourself sweetie.
Once you realise that sleeping habits have very little to do with your parenting and a lot to do with how your bub just is you will feel much better. I have been through it too and tried a lot of things. Nothing really worked except for time. But when I realised it wasn't cos I was a bad parent then I relaxed a lot more and it all became easier. 6 months is still young. The best thing you can do is get some partner or family support so you can either alternate nights or get some more sleep during the day. Don't think you have to do it all yourself.
You are going a great job I am sure.
Big hugs

[spring_ag]

Melody, sending you lots of hugs.
You're definitely not alone. I know how you feel. My son has just turned 7 months old but still wakes up during the night for a feed.
I read the books that you've mentioned but I tend to trust my instinct and follow his leads. People keep saying that he is so happy and bright so I guest my instinct is not that bad LOL
Have you tried patting? I found that if patting works then I won't have to offer boobie.
What I also want to say is every baby is different. What general babies 'could' or 'should' do might not work for every babies.
Also, there is a big wonder weeks happening around 6 months where they learn lots of clever tricks such as rolling, crawling, babbling, etc. This might also be the reason why 6months babies wakes up more during the night and try to get more comfort from the most important person in their world - their mums.
Because the world can be such a scary place but not when mum is around

[Artechim]

This is EXACTLY what is happening with DS at the moment (well, actually for the last 3.5months). I tried last night to pat/shush him to sleep rather than feeding but it was only working some of the time and he wakes up too often for me to be able to stay awake and consistent with it. If I just feed him then I can go back to sleep straight away (we co-sleep). I am just hoping he will grow out of it - preferably in the very near future lol.

I agree with Krysalyss - it isn't your parenting style, just how your baby is. Forget the books, they are only a generalisation.

Actually, now that I think about it he did have a patch a few weeks ago where he seemed to need boobie in his mouth all night, but it didn't last very long.

Good luck, don't feel like you are doing anything wrong.

[~*Niadalla*~]

I know how you feel.At nearly 9 months of age, DS still wakes every 2-3 hours a night, mostly for feeds. It's crazy!!! DP and I are getting by, but only barely. I try and keep DS in my bed of a morning ( he sleeps in his cot at night), until at least 10am, but I can do this as I don't have any other children. He doesn't always sleep, but sometimes he does and that extra couple of hours rest is a god send.
With him currently teething, I think the pain of this has a lot to do with it.

I cringe when I hear people get upset because their baby wakes ONCE a night, adn that this makes them extremely tired and cranky. LOL If they could sleep a night in my house! hehe

I don't think there is much we can do, except let them grow out of it. I have been contemplating giving DS water at night, instead of bopbie to try and encourage him not to wake for a feed, but he's not going to do it for too much longer, and he loves boobie juice. We are just getting by night by night and trying to work around DS' sleeping ( or lack of) habits.

I agree with not taking the books too literally. It's good to get an idea of what CAN be 'normal' for other bubs, but they are all different and there can never be a book written that covers them all.

You are doing a great job Just follow your instincts and I'm sure your bubba will soon be the best sleeper ever

Good luck

[Liz]

A real gentle sleep book wouldn't have any suggestions or methods IMO. It would simply tell each mother to follow their instincts and do whatever works. Bad habits aren't formed. I guess it feels like a bad habit if you're not happy with it at the time, but usually we're made to feel unhappy with it because of other people's opinions on how our babies should be sleeping.

I don't believe a baby uses it's mother as a dummy... a baby uses a dummy as a breast. How can the real thing be a dummy? If your baby needs to suck, and you're happy to comply, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding through the night. My DS fed through the night until about 15 months. I was pregnant by then, and I deliberately weaned him from the night feeds. If I hadn't been pregnant, we would have had many more months of night feeds I reckon. heh.

But it doesn't last forever. DS pretty much sleeps now, if he wakes he brings himself into us and goes to sleep (half the time I don't hear him come in, he's just there in the morning! LOL). He still feeds before sleeping, he fed to sleep for a loooooong long time, but now just has a feed before each sleep. I don't envision him doing this forever either, so I'm not worried

Just be happy knowing that you're meeting your son's needs and don't let other people (or books) put you off doing what works for you both. Sounds like you're doing a great job to me