Hey Mummy! - No Boobie, No Sleep! Sleep books making me stressed!

[Liz]

A real gentle sleep book wouldn't have any suggestions or methods IMO. It would simply tell each mother to follow their instincts and do whatever works. Bad habits aren't formed. I guess it feels like a bad habit if you're not happy with it at the time, but usually we're made to feel unhappy with it because of other people's opinions on how our babies should be sleeping.

I don't believe a baby uses it's mother as a dummy... a baby uses a dummy as a breast. How can the real thing be a dummy? If your baby needs to suck, and you're happy to comply, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeding through the night. My DS fed through the night until about 15 months. I was pregnant by then, and I deliberately weaned him from the night feeds. If I hadn't been pregnant, we would have had many more months of night feeds I reckon. heh.

But it doesn't last forever. DS pretty much sleeps now, if he wakes he brings himself into us and goes to sleep (half the time I don't hear him come in, he's just there in the morning! LOL). He still feeds before sleeping, he fed to sleep for a loooooong long time, but now just has a feed before each sleep. I don't envision him doing this forever either, so I'm not worried

Just be happy knowing that you're meeting your son's needs and don't let other people (or books) put you off doing what works for you both. Sounds like you're doing a great job to me

[Willow]

Liz - I really admire your confidence in your parenting choices. I seriously wish I could take the same attitude because if I really, really look at what's bothering me, it's not getting up to feed him, it's everyone telling me that he shouldn't be feeding and should be sleeping through. That's not to say that I'm really looking forward to 8 hours of solid sleep again!

[StrawberryMumma]

Oh sweet, I know how feeling all too well. You poor thing. Waking up all through the night is so exhausting and draining..then on top of that, you have all these mixed feelings about what you should be doing, what you are doing, what the book says, what you really want to do, what MIL says, what DH says...I could go on and on...!!!

I agree with people saying that books can sometimes be more trouble and confusing then what they are worth. But I do think that sometimes they can help just to give you different ideas.
Don't feel you need to do exactly what they say (if you don't want to), just mix and match which bits suit you and your bub. Then if something isn't happening the way you like, try something else. I don't believe that it's one way or the other, just whatever works for you.

Don't lose hope and think that what you are going through will last forever. Things will change, he WILL sleep for longer periods. But I really do feel for you, and know exactly how you are feeling. We have good weeks and not so good weeks in our house, but things are definitely improving as our DD gets older, so try and hang in there. And I think it is only in the last month that I feel fine about still doing night feeds/snuggles with my DD, as in I don't feel guilty and I don't care what anyone else thinks about what we are doing. And that feels great!

You may also find that some settling techniques (that don't involve boobie) might not work now, but may work a bit futher down the track. And IMO the other girls are right in saying that often it's just how the baby is, definitely not your fault.

Hang in there..

[Liz]

Willow - don't worry, I had my fair share of 'should I' and 'shouldn't I's" and people hounding me about feeding to sleep and night feeds. I basically told mum to stop telling me to use formula and to stop worrying about the night feeds coz it was me getting up, not her. MCHN's - well, I just didn't go to them LOL. Now, 2nd time around, having seen that DS didn't develop longterm habits from any of these things, I'm much happier just doing my own thing, and just nod & smile when ever someone has a comment to make about it. BB has been a saviour more than once too to help me feel confident in what I was doing.

Gentle sleep methods also feed the laziness in me too. I just couldn't be bothered trying to implement routines or anything. There were definitely times where controlled crying felt like it would be a quick fix, but those horrible times were usually later explained with teeth popping up or the like, and I was so glad I didn't use any non-gentle methods, the poor little darlin needed me!

[Willow]

but those horrible times were usually later explained with teeth popping up or the like

funny you mention that, I'm hoping that's what's going on here at the moment but obviously we won't know till a tooth pops up...or not! I was feeling really good about things, his sleep had improved so much especially during the day but my confidence has taken a knock in the last week because we seem to have taken a step backwards. Anyhoo, sorry to hijack Melody!

[Snowy Love]

You have to read selectively - I got from the same two books that its OK to feed to sleep if you are happy to do that, if you don't want to feed to sleep, then here are suggestions to change the habit. However if a book makes you feel guilty or stressed, throw it out and if people make you feel guilty for your parenting choices, throw their opinions out (metaphorically speaking).

I'm with Liz, gentle methods are the best for lazy me!

[Melody7]

Thanks for the great response! You all know how to make a gal feel a bit better about things. Really need to crash now, so can't reply to all the comments just yet - however...

Quote:
but those horrible times were usually later explained with teeth popping up or the like

funny you mention that, I'm hoping that's what's going on here at the moment but obviously we won't know till a tooth pops up...or not! I was feeling really good about things, his sleep had improved so much especially during the day but my confidence has taken a knock in the last week because we seem to have taken a step backwards. Anyhoo, sorry to hijack Melody!

I'm actually really glad you're sharing the same path as me atm! (well, not happy that you're going through it, but ...... oh, YKWIM). Hijack away! Anyway, I was just the same. Read Pinky's bk (had a bit of a spack-attack) then relaxed and found my groove with DS. Cruising along thinking it was great to feed to sleep, even after 20 mins of napping during the day (if it made him go a bit longer). Then he got the toothy-peg rumbles and started wanting to crawl and it's all gone haywire again! - this also coincided with reading the "No Cry Sleep Solution" bk.

An Aust. BFeeding Councilor once told me that babies are really busy little people. They have so much work to do - checking out the world, teething, tasting, using muscles they've never used before etc. It's a lot of work being a baby - no wonder they might need a bit of help winding down at the end of the day. And maybe, if he indeed is so busy, he needs a bit more boobie at night?? Or maybe we're just really yummy mummies

You can probably tell, I'm feeling a tad better. Nice to know I'm not alone...

[Amie]

Just wanted to quickly say that, firstly, you're doing an awesome job tending to your little man and offering him what he needs (ie. you!). And secondly, while baby books are full of great advice and hints and tips and ideas and theories, and while you may find parts of them helpful, no-one has written a book about your baby. You know him best, and he knows you better than he knows anyone else, so it makes sense for the two of you to find your own little groove and go with the flow.

xox

[Janie]

Melody, hun, you are doing a fabulous job! I agree with the others, your baby's sleep has very little to do with you or anyone else, and everything to do with their temperament. You sound like a wonderful mum! Really, it's just a confidence thing, if we could all be confident about our choices we'd be alot happier!

When things are particularly tough, one thing I try to remind myself of is that this won't last forever. It always makes things seem easier, and sometimes makes me sad when I think that one day he won't want cuddles with his mum, let alone in bed with her LOL. So then I really try to make the most of it, poor child

Willow, you are a WONDERFUL mummy! Should, shmould, please don't worry about what others think. You know, when people ask me if DS is sleeping through (and they're always assuming that he is ) I just 'no' in a tone that very clearly implies that I don't expect him to. If they seem bothered by that I just mention that as I'm the one who gets up to him, I'm not quite sure why anyone else cares. I know it's easier said than done, but honestly, L is YOUR baby and if you're happy to get up to him during the night (well, you know what I mean!), then that's great Keep up the good work girlfriend.