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Thread: i seem to be the only one not getting much sleep....

  1. #1

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    Default i seem to be the only one not getting much sleep....

    i don't know what it is atm, but it seems like all of my friends and some of the girls @ mothers group are doing some form of control crying/routine setting and i'm not. i never let my baby cry, breastfeed him to sleep, wear him in a sling, co-sleep, let him fall asleep on my chest on the lounge....and just generally cuddle him all day. ds has never been in the nursery we set up for him. he has never been in the cot we bought for him. he is always in our bed. he is always with me. why am i beginning to feel like i'm the only one doing this? i'm beginning to feel like i'm doing something wrong. friends' babies sleep from 8pm to 6am. ds never does this. i don't know, it's just when i talk to other mothers i get a lot of self doubt, like i should be enforcing more of a routine. ds was awake from 8am to 9pm today without a sleep at all. am i creating this because i don't have a routine 'sleep' established in the afternoon? we just had a bath together and he's asleep on the couch next to me now...but he always needs help to get to sleep. he can't self settle. am i doing something wrong?


  2. #2

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    Nope nope nope! You are giving your little one much love and a secure start to life. It can seem that 'everyone' else is sleeping thru etc but they all do their own thing in their own time. You have to follow your instinct as to what is right for your family. Our little man spends about half each night with us at the moment - not everyone's cup of tea but it works for us and I'm certainly not going to leave him crying in his cot. I'm sure you'll get lots of other reassuring words from the gals here.
    Keep loving your boy!!
    xo

  3. #3

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    Gracie hun, I've often said to you that if it works then keep doing it - there is no right or wrong way to do things, just what is *right* for you. Some babies just don't fall into a predictable sleep 'routine' until they are a lot older and some are even well into toddler-hood before they start (I apologise profusely if that worries you LOL ) Don't worry about what everyone else is doing as they are doing what the *right* thing for them is and if their babies sleep in their own room, then they may not be sleeping through - they just might not hear them waking up through the night and settling again.

    You've always done a fantastic job with Lewis, you should be really proud.

  4. #4

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    You are doing the right thing if it feels right for you!!!

    My first princess only ever fell asleep on the boob and couldnt self settle untill we went to sleep school when she was about 9 months old. They didnt do CC but more one where you judge how long you leave your baby to go before resettling and eventually she got the hang of it but was still ending up in bed with us every night during the night untill she was almost 18 months old! My MCHN was not happy about this. We used to spend what felt like days on the couch cuddling with her asleep on me and i loved it!
    My seconds princess though had never fallen asleep on the boob (shocked me - how was i mean to get a kid to sleep when that was all i knew??) Has always gone to sleep by herself and wasnt a fan of cuddling like her sister and only slept in my bed untill she was about 2 months old. HOWEVER - she has recently (last 3 weeks) started to wake in the middle of the night and wont go back to sleep untill i ake her to bed with me and she lies on my chest and i love it!! She is a little heavy for it beingthat she is 9month and 10 kg but i just love the cuddles- i was really missing them and we seem to have a much better connection the past few weeks.
    I think you just have to do what feels right and works for you and lovethe little buggers to bits!!! Bring on the sleepy cuddles!

  5. #5

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    Gracie, W doesn't self settle - I feed him to sleep every time. He sleeps in his cot at night, but if he wakes when I put him back after a feed I take him to bed with me. During the day I feed him to sleep lying on the bed, then I can sneak away and do stuff but he wakes after one sleep cycle and I go back to feed him to sleep again. He sleeps through the night sometimes now, other nights we are up 2-4 times. I just take each day as it comes, he seems to have made his own routine lately. I am a bit concerned that my only parenting skill is sticking him on the boob, but it is working for us.

    Personally, I think that if it is working for you then keep it up. Poo to what anyone else is doing, you are a great mum.

  6. #6

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    (sings) *everyone else is LYING, everyone else is LYING*

    Can't offer advice as we have a very loose routine and DS sleeps at night but sometimes wants to be up (1.50-3.20 last night, but only once a week!), yes he wakes but he now self-settles sometimes and I didn't torture him to make him learn how to.

  7. #7
    smiles4u Guest

    Wink

    I no longer go 2 my Mum's Grp 4 1 of these reasons.

    Every1 in the Grp wants 2 claim their child is perfect ... And yeh, it often left me questioning myself ... Then I wld go hm feelin sic & stressed ... Like oh my, I'm not doin this & Im not doin that ... LIKE THEY R !!

    Augh, U KNO WAT .... "MAKE UP YOUR OWN RULES OR ROUTINE" (AS U ALREADY AV MAYB WTOUT KNOWIN IT) ... Spend your time enjoying your HAPPY & GORGEOUS little person.

    Mayb jst go 2 this Mum's Grp 4 your bub 2 av some lil friends 2 play wt now & then ... And wen u go av your own private secret silent giggle weneva 1 of the Mum's has her 2 bits worth about her so-called brilliant routine.

    U ENJOY BEING THAT WONDERFUL MOTHER THAT U R ... AND U KNO IT

  8. #8

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    Gracie, except for the co-sleeping, my days sound pretty much like yours! My little velcro boy is 5 or 6 weeks younger than yours and follows the same kind of anti-routine. He often only sleeps during the day on me or in his sling (although once he's asleep I can sometimes get him into his cot), and apart from a couple of times in the car, has never once fallen asleep if not being carried/cuddled or on the breast.

    He sleeps according to his own needs, not mine, and whilst his 'insomnia' tends to coincide with my most tired times, I can't force him to sleep, only gently encourage it when I can see that he has trouble getting there himself. Even if I wanted to enforce a 'routine' (I don't, although I'll admit to wishing that he followed one all on his own), I doubt very much that this would work for my son, and it certainly would not work for me.

    You are certainly not doing anything wrong - the exact opposite in fact - you are following your instinct - and listening to what your little boy is telling you is right for him!!

  9. #9

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    thank you so much for all your reassurances guys, i feel so much better reading what you all had to say. it's so nice to come on hereand get support. i think i was just having a bit of a downer last night as ds was overtired and i just couldn't get him to sleep. the mchn makes me feel bad sometimes for using bfing 90% to get him to sleep- like that's a bad habit or something. i don't really understand how some of the other mothers look for tired signs and then put their baby in the cot and they go to sleep. that just does not work for me. oh well! i know lewis is happy, he's always giggling and smiling and making people laugh- i just worry that he's not getting enough sleep. he seems to yawn a lot.
    thanks for making me feel better about it all though, i refuse to believe control crying is good for them- no matter how many people tell me it is. *gracie types this as she chucks lewis back on the boob* lol

  10. #10

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    Gracie, there's real pressure in groups of women to look like you're coping just as fabulously well as everyone else. I bet there's someone else there who's having a hard time but is so daunted by all the other totally-in-control-super-mummies they're not game to mention it! Or, all the ones who are finding it a bit harder aren't the ones who are getting out regularly for coffee mornings! It sounds to me like you're doing just find and Lewis is getting a fantastically emotionally secure start to life!

  11. #11

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    Gracie - i used to work in a bookshop and before i was pregnant, i remember a book coming in called "Mother Guilt". As i was putting it on shelf, i clearly remmeber thinking 'oh i wonder what that is?'. NOW I KNOW!! I think everyone feels so much pressure to have these text book babies who change their own nappies at 4wks old and jump up and say 'righto, i'm just popping myself into bed' at 6 weeks . I cried and cried after my first mums group, they all had these perfect babies while i was covered in vomiting and T screamed the whole way through. Now we have gotten to know each other better, we can be more honest about our different approaches to parenting - its just so strange that we feel the need to hide them in the first place. Good luck with everything - you sound like you have a loved and loving baby.

  12. #12

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    I dont think youre the only who is doing it. but Babies do need some sort of routine or it will get harder when his older.
    But you are doing what you feel is right for bubbs.
    Last edited by BeautifulMadness; January 18th, 2008 at 01:15 PM. Reason: to add

  13. #13

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    Gracie: What eva works 4 u!!! I had the foolish IL's tell me that having Bella's basentte in my room 4 the 3 months i had it would make her 2 reliant on me, ppl say a lot of this bull **** 2 mummy's like ourselves. What they dont understand is that non of this is going 2 matter say when they're 10yrs old or so. This is ur baby and all these other mums at ur mums club no doubt have problems of there own that u dont have. So next time walk in with ur head held high, coz ur doing whats right 4 u. Look i cuddle Bella all the time and at the moment she's teething and wants 2 sleep with me, so i let her. But most of the time when she's not teething she wants 2 b in her own bed, this is coz she's older and getting her own personality and trust me lil miss knows what she wants! So, there u go Bella slept with me most of her new born stage and sometimes even now and those fools who said "You're crazey, ur doing the wronge thing." Now can eat there words.
    Do whats right 4 u and ur baby everyone is different and as ur bubs grows he'll make his own routine and let u know what he wants and the best thing is u'll have a cuddley boy!

  14. #14

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    Gracie - my DS fed every 2 hours 24/7 for the first 6 months of his life. He still doesn't self settle but has gone from feeding to sleep most times to now only occasionally (or when I need to settle him ) and now we are usually in the sling to go to sleep and then transferred to the cot. We have also gone from co-sleeping / hammock to the cot in the past 2 weeks. He is now feeding about every 3-4 hours but has gone up to 5 hours sleeping at night. And he is perfectly normal

    You will find your baby has a routine - one that is all of their own and that is OK. No 18 year old is still breast fed to sleep nor are they carried to go to sleep. Everyone has sleep associations (or they lie!!) such as their pillow, a bed to lie on, dark room, quiet or music. Your baby will too ...... when they are ready. Keep doing what you are doing and know there are many of us our there doing exactly the same thing - we just don't get out for coffee too often

  15. #15

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    Gracie - DS fed to sleep for a long long time. Even now he wants a feed before sleeping, and I have to sit next to him while falls asleep. The MCHN was never happy with me either LOL.. so I stopped going to see her! hehe.

    DD on the other hand, I can wrap up and put in her cot and she'll just go off to sleep! (well, sometimes Other times she requires cuddles .. or is it just that I want her to need cuddles? LOL) I think it's just that every baby is different. She doesn't sleep through, but I don't expect that anyway seeing as she's breastfed.

    But over time DS has slowly changed from feeding to sleep to just feeding before sleep, and hopefully soon he'll put himself to bed! LOL. Either way, it doesn't last forever, and all I can say is, why give up the quickest, easiest way to get your baby to sleep? Certainly don't put yourself and bub through the stress of trying to conform with everyone else.

    I agree with Rosehip Fairy - everyone is lying! LOL. I'd be very surprised if their babies did sleep through like that without fail every night. Babies change all the time, with development stages, teething etc etc.

    Don't stress about it You're doing a fantastic job. Just keep following your own instincts.

  16. #16

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    I agree with Ryn, everyone else is embelishing the truth about their babies sleep habits. I find that if you are honest then other mums will eventually come out of the woods and fess up too.

  17. #17

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    Hugs Gracie, I cuddle W all the time and until now he still needs my help to go to sleep.
    I know what you mean. Our mums group just had a get together the other day. It was during his naptime and everyone was staring at me when I was trying to rock him to sleep.
    Sometimes the pressure to have self settled bub can be so high, but I agree with others ... just do what's right for you. After all, you're his mum and you know what's best for him.
    There is this book that I've been reading, No cry sleep solution by elizabeth pantley.
    I say it's worth to read. I am trying to implement some of the techniques. Some people had quick win with it, while other said that it takes time and we need to be patient. After all it doesnt involved crying.

  18. #18

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    Oh Gracie hun, I know I've come into this thread a bit late (can't sleep), but you're soooooo not the only one. I never let DD cry - I'll let her sook/grizzle when she's just being a bit fussy and fighting sleep, but once she gets upset crying I pick her up. She's breastfed to sleep at night and some naps during the day, unless of course she has fallen asleep on me. I don't get to wash my hug-a-bub as much as I'd like as I'm petrified it won't dry in time before I need it again (and DH won't let me buy a 2nd lol), and the only use the cot gets is for rolling around with our nappy off while I hang out some washing or a bit of housework.

    So nope, not alone!

    The only routine we really have is our night time one - bath, cuddle, crawl into bed to feed till she falls asleep and I sneak out. It took a bit to get that happening though - a lot of going back in for more feed/cuddling. Now I can pretty much put her down and she stays asleep until I go to bed. But she also doesn't sleep through either - used to be just a 4:30am feed, but she moved that forward to 3am, picked up a midnight and a 7am feed too.

    the mchn makes me feel bad sometimes for using bfing 90% to get him to sleep- like that's a bad habit or something.
    Oooooh, don't get me started on MCHN's... I'm never going back to mine after she called my DD fat and told me to stop feeding her over night and cut out her day feeds (ie put my 3 month old on a diet) all because she put on 975g in a month. The same month she grew 4cm!

    i refuse to believe control crying is good for them
    Did you ever manage to get your hands on The Science of Parenting? That will give you the proof you need that it's not good for them...

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