Oh wow hun, I feel so bad for you! Lack of sleep truly is torture.
I think it makes a LOT of sense to get them into their own beds and get your own room/ space back and to do all that while you have one another to support. It won't be an easy time, I am sure, and I guess you need to be quite clear about what you are going to do when they wake up, so that at 3am when you are beside yourselves with tiredness, you stick to the plan and don't cave and just drag them into bed with you! I suspect consistenct will be key to cracking this one. DH and I have a big thing taped to the wall of DS's room about what to do when he cries, so we're both on the same page and you don't have to think too much in the middle of the night.
Just one thing about the dummies/ blankie. I personally would be hesitant to take these away as well, all at once. I am sure others will say differently, and perhaps they are right, I guess I would just feel that its all a bit much of a shock all at once. I understand what you are saying about them contributing to waking, though. What we do with DS is put about 8 dummies into his cot with him, and when he wakes without one, he can easily find another- took a little training, but we're not up for dummies any longer, yay! Just something to consider!
In some ways you are right to be stressed about it, simply because you will be prepared for it being difficult- changing sleep patterns is never particularly fun in my experience. But as long as you have a plan and commit to it, there is nothing more you can do, so try to just think about the wonderful sleep which will hopefully follow!
Kell, I understand mate. About it all, the sleeplessness, the separate beds, the dummies, the jobs - everything.
I am just subscribing so I can come back and write a cohesive post. and offer support.
Wow! You poor thing...I understand the 'not human' feeling you get from sleep deprivation. It is hell.
I would be inclined to agree with amberj, and perhaps try to take things in steps. Why not start now, or this week with putting them in the same room together. Perhaps you could put a mattress on the floor between their beds and you and DH alternate who sleeps in their room, so at least one of you gets a full nights sleep every other night. The person in the kids bedroom is going to have a rough time of it, but it should get better with time.
Night weaning scares the bejeebers outta me, so I don't even know how to help with that one. Maybe that could be your first step? Perhaps you could get DH to help with DS for a week and you deal with DD until the night weaning is successful?
to you. It sounds tough. We're all here to support you though!
I re read that now and it sounds so...difficult! Gosh how did we get into this mess, lol!
Jessica, I am really dreading doing it. I so hate to hear them crying, and to think that it will kinda be at my hand that they will be miserable will kill me. But I need to do it. We just can't go on the same way anymore. We really thought that it might resolve itself by now, particularly DD's waking. I thought at 2 1/2 she'd be sleeping through. And if she were, we would be able to handle DS's waking. But not both.
And this is why I have asked for suggestions, because although we have a lose plan, there are no details to it, just 'we HAVE to do this!'. So any suggestions are more than welcome! Writing down our goals somwhere we can see them is a great start I think. Thanks
I don't want to get rid of the dummies too, but DH does. Maybe we could do that now....or we could just get rid of them for day times. They will only be for sleeping. The blankies are staying, we don't mind the blankies, they aren't so much of a problem.
At least being so stressed, if it all goes more smoothly than I expect, then at least I won't have any expectations that might be dashed! And yes, consistency will be the key. That is the problem. DH will be able to do it. But me....I hate the sounds of them crying (as every mum does!), to the point I get anxiety...eeek!!!
Kim, thankyou hun, I know you have your own issues with sleeping at your house!
Anna, yes sleep deprivation is torturous. I am pretty sure it is a big contributing factor in why I feel so crappy and overly emotional all the time...
Weaning scares me too. I do love feeding my little man, but he's still feeding 5 or so times a day (as in 24hrs). And I really need sleep. If I can night wean him, then maybe he won't wake at night. It would mean 1-2 less times I have to wake up! And when I feed him at night I tend to stay awake for those 10-15mins til he's finished, unless I'm absolutely, horrifically dog tired, then I just fall asleep with him suckling away. So I just need to stop night feeds I think. Day time is ok!
Great idea to do it when DH will be off work and you'll have all hands on deck. I think 2 weeks is definitely long enough to crack the worst of it.
We successfully nightweaned our DS by having DH get up with him. He would just cuddle him and rock him until he fell back asleep. He cried for about 45 mins the first night for each waking (2? can't remember) and it reduced progressively each night. It took about 5 nights before he stopped crying altogether and it was about 2 weeks before he started consistently sleeping through. He was about 22 months old though, so a little older than your DS. At about 25 months or so he started nightwaking frequently again, and so ended back up in our bed. However, as soon as he was back with us he started sleeping through (11 hours) without fail, and has done for the last 6 months. For me, even though we didn't get our bed back, getting my body back and a full night's sleep made the world of difference to my own sanity and therefore the time and energy I had for our relationship. I think the reason DS started waking is that we also moved him from a mattress in our room into his own room at the same time.
If you do decide to stick with getting rid of the dummies at the same time, but then find that one/both are really not coping with all the changes, maybe you could bring them back into the picture while sticking with the rest of the plan. I don't really know because I have no dummy experience, but I'm just thinking that they might adjust quite well if they've still got their dummies but be absolute nightmares without them and make the whole thing really difficult to stick to, IYKWIM. You can always tackle the dummies at a later point once they've settled into the new status quo.
It'll be hard, but well worth it. Great idea to write your plan down. Maybe it'd help to have a couple of back-up compromises written into the plan so that if you're both at your wits end and about to cave, you can implement those rather than breaking from the plan altogether (like bringing the dummies back in). Maybe have a defined point when you'll implement compromises, like 'on the third night if the crying hasn't reduced in duration' or whatever you think you and your little ones can cope with. You probably wont even need these compromises coz it'll be getting progressively better each night, but if you've thought about the details, it'll help to keep you on track and know what to do if any hiccups arise.
When it gets hard, stick to your plan and just think of the blissful sleep that is in store when it's all over!!!!! I really hope it goes well for you.
It sounds like you are really struggling. I haven't been in such a difficult situation myself, but thought I would offer some support.
Whenever I have made changes it has taken me a long time to work up to it, but I think half the battle is making up your mind and sticking with it. My DD usually doesn't take long to adjust to changes, but consistency is the key.
Sounds like a great idea to tackle things when you both have some time. I was just thinking, is there anyone who could support you and look after the kids while you make these changes. Especially during the day if it has been a long night?
I think it'd help if you talk and fuss about the new room leading up too. Take them on a shopping trip for new doona covers and decorations for the room (let them choose) and then get them involved in putting it all together. Then you could have a countdown to the 'big-move' and talk about how great it is going to be having their own room. You could also do some playtime in there each day so they start using and liking the space, etc.
So sorry to hear you are having such a hard time! sounds so difficult, but you and DH sound like you atleast have each other support, which i think will be the main thing thats gets you through!
I dont really have any advice as i havent been through that situation. My DD is 15 months old and comes in with us in the night, so might learn a thing or two from you post for the future!
I did read somewhere on here about weaning kids from night feed, and that if the dad deals with that child in the night it helps, so if you swap, maybe you look after DD in the night and DH looks after DS. that might make it abit easier.
Hope you find some good advice and manage to get it all sorted and are able to enjoy some quality time with DH after its done!! good luck
I think your 2 week plan is a good one.
solidarity and unity are a must.
I think Amber’s plan up on the wall is a good one too. Talk about it and then have the plan printed as a backup.
When DH was on deployment up in the NT was when I chose to get Darcy out of our bed. She was already in her big bed so I didn’t have to worry about that, but I just had to be consistent. When she got up, I took her back and sat with her until she was asleep. I showed her how the monitor worked so she knew I could hear her if she spoke. You won’t need a monitor, but show them how you can hear them without them coming in to you. Get DH to sit in their room and call quietly maybe?
I spent many hours over a few weeks sitting next to Darcy. I read books/magazines (I had a stash in her bedside drawer lol), meditated, sang. At first I held her hand, then just sat on the bed, then on the floor then a bit away then at the door.
I second the not taking the baby’s dummy away. Maybe DD because she is old enough to be complicit, but not DS’s - especially if you are going to night wean. I have just recently gotten rid of Darcy’s via the Dummy Fairy and it was uncomplicated and non stressful for all involved.
Do you think they might be good in a bed together? We’re thinking of getting a bunk with a double bottom for Darcy’s room for when Nate is a bit older as they both like to ‘share’.
As I think of more I will get back to you - but I really think what you’ve already got is a great idea.
oooh and Anna has some top ideas too.
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