DD has been a good sleeper for the majority of her 11 weeks in this world. Early on she was sleeping 12 hours at night and at least 5-6 hours at a time during the day. Now she is doing a good 5 hrs at a time both day & night. At first I used to rock her to sleep in her cradle and we co-slept for some really unsettled nights but she is now in her big cot and happily puts herself to sleep when I put her in bed as long as I've read her tired signs correctly and not delayed putting her down.
If you feel you need to pick up your DS when he is crying then i say go with it. I've been going with a "if the cry upsets me then I pick her up". I have luckily been able to distguish the majority of her cries and I know her "I'm tied, thanks for putting me to bed" cry which stops in less than 10 seconds so I ignore those ones, but i know her upset or pain cry and if I hear that, she gets cuddles till she is calm again and then I put her back down. If she wakes after a cycle and is crying (which isn't normal for her) then I know something is up like she has wind so i give her cuddles (and wait for the burps) and then put her back down.
I was told about controlled crying and did try it once but it broke my heart and only lasted 20-30 minutes, with lots of patting and rubbing trying to ease the crying, before I stopped. I say go with your instincts and give cuddles if you want or feel the need.
Today we were out and about alot so DD didn't get much sleep so she played up today (as well as not liking the heat) and I ended up giving her cuddles till she fell asleep on me and then back into her cradle to be rocked to sleep near us. I'm not going to deny her hugs when it is quicker and more calming for her to be comforted when she is really upset. I'd say if you can identify when the cry is genuine or when it's just a "put on" then that can help identify when a cuddle is needed and when it's just a little bit of a protest.
Their only young once.do whatever suits you, i cuddle my ds all the time. I'm probably digging a hole for myself, but it doesn't seem to have affected him yet and we both love cuddling together
Everyone has already said what I wanted to say, but just wanted to say you are doing a fantastic job and you should continue to do whatever works for you....Stuff what other people say.You are doing a fantastic job.
Jessica, I haven't read the replies evrybody else has given you but I jsut wanted to tell you to listen to your insticts. Don't worry about what other people tell you. You know your own child better than anybody else.
They might be right. Your child might take longer to learn how to self settle. But is that really a problem? He will learn it eventually. And it is impossible to say whether it is caused by your settling technique or by his own individual character.
I have heard so many stories of people who used controlled crying/comforting on their children and it didn't lead to any improvement. It only caused very stressed out parents and babies. Others swear by it. You need to do what works for you. Why fix something that isn't broken? If you don't have a problem cuddling him in the middle of the night, then why change a good thing?
I have always picked DD up and now, at 17 months, she goes to sleep on her own most nights (after a quick feed and cuddle) and can resetle herself most times when she wakes during the night. There are times when she can't, but I bet there are other things at work on those nights. Like bad dreams or teething or maybe being too hot/cold. But in the first 6 months of her life she NEVER went to sleep on her own. I fed her to sleep on our bed, then sneaked away quietly. We co-slept at night and during the day she either slept in my bed or in a sling on me. When she woke, I always fed or uddled her back to sleep.
At 6 months I transferred her to a cot in our room because she was crawling and I was scared she'd fall out of bed. She actually did once which was the turning point. She HATED being in her cot unless she was asleep. Until she was 12 months old, I only placed her into the cot once she was asleep and I would pick her up to resettle if she woke up. We still co-slept for part of the night. The theory of settling her by leaving her in the cot and patting her bottom just did not work for us. I actually tried it for a couple of days/nights, but she just got soooooo worked up and I just couldn't handle it. By picking her up, she usually resettled within a couple of minutes.
At 12 months she was driving me crazy by waking up more and more often, so I thought I would try and teach her to go to sleep on her won. And surprise surprise, I didn't have to teach her anything. She just did. She was ready for it and the transition was so easy. I put the cot in her room and there were never any tears involved.
Why did I give you such a detailed description? I just wanted to show you that I did all the "wrong" things. Yet, we got to the same destination in the end. I don't regret having chosen that path. Although, sometimes it did seem harder. But, I did not create a rod for my back. There is no anxiety about sleep time in this house. She actually loves it. When I put the sleeping bag on my bed, she gets excited and tries to put it on herself. No battles. She still comes into our bed between 5 and 6 am where she sleeps til 7-8am. I love being woken up by her kissing me or stroking my face. It just feels so right.
For some, this set up doesn't work. But for us it did.
I did crack it after I wrote this orignal post and decided I was sick of getting up all the time to put the dummy back in and I was also scared by the "main" telling me I was causing a problem by cuddling Peter to sleep, so I tried to wean him off both. It was an absolute unmitigated disaster leading to us both being horribly stressed and unhappy.
We are back to cuddling and dummies.
I would probably like to get rid of the dummy, but soon he will be able to find it on his own (PLEASE!!!!!), so I am not too stressed.
And I realised that the only reason I tried to give up the cuddles was because it seemed like everyone said I should. But I love the cuddles. Yes, I end up spending a fair bit of time in my baby's room rocking him during the day, but I love that time. So quiet and sweet and special. Its a nice rest for me too, where I don't have to (can't in fact) do anything else like dishes or whatever.
So between that and all your kind replies, I am a happy cuddler. Its so sweet when he just "collapses" on me like pp said.
I know exactly what ou went through when you did try and follow the common advice. I gave it a try, too and ended up bawling my eyes out more than DD.
She will find the dummy on her own at some stage. Actually, things improved for us when DD started accepting a dummy at 6 months. Before that she flat out refused it. She still has her dummy. And I'm in no rush to take it away from her. She only has it for sleep times.
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