I know exactly what ou went through when you did try and follow the common advice. I gave it a try, too and ended up bawling my eyes out more than DD.
She will find the dummy on her own at some stage. Actually, things improved for us when DD started accepting a dummy at 6 months. Before that she flat out refused it. She still has her dummy. And I'm in no rush to take it away from her. She only has it for sleep times.

Saša