Tell me there's a light at the end of this really long tunnel!

[{sarah}]

PRETTY PLEASE!

Zander has always been a bad sleeper & whilst I get really tired it's not been toooo much of a problem. Now though it's starting to take a toll now that I'm in early pregnancy. I have no idea what to do or how to get him to sleep better. I'm going to start up the Brauer's & Healing Hippo spray again tonight but I don't foresee it help really.

The problem is that every hour or so (between 11pm & 6am last night it was 6 times) he wakes up & calls out to me. Daddy won't do & half the time he somehow sleeps through it. He doesn't want anything, he's semi asleep, he still has his dummy or doesn't want it, he's not cold & has his toys with him. He mostly just looks at me & nods back off or asks for a cuddle then after that he's back to sleep. It's nice to be loved but at 3am it's too much.

Is this separation anxiety? How can I help him overcome it? Or is it something else? Maybe he's trying to keep me in practice for when the new bubba arrives!

Please tell me there's a light at the end of the tunnel.......

[*charmalea*]

off to sleep school for you sarah!!!

go before the new bub comes ! talk to a doc or a mchn to get a referral for you .....

nix was a bad sleeper tooo ... one week at sleep school and he sleeps thru .. and there was a pg lady there who was trying to "sort out" her 2 yr old before the next one came...

its not stressful and for us 3 it was like a mini holiday :P

[*las*]

DS is exactly like this and he's 3.3 years old.

I would think by now he should be sleeping a lot better!

I know if we've had a really busy day, he seems to replay it in is sleep, cries a lot, and is very animated, so we've really tried to wind him down a lot earlier in the night now so he goes to bed a lot more relaxed.....but will still wake a handful of times during the night He's generally quick to settle, unless he's having a bad dream.....

Look forward to hearing any suggestions offered too!

[{sarah}]

All of the sleep schools I know of advocate crying it out or controlled crying of some kind & I won't do it. Just my preference, so sleep school isn't an option for us.

I need some way for him to realise I am still there during the night when he wakes up without him having to see me.

Lisa, other than separation anxiety, I was thinking it might have to do with having a day sleep & maybe he's just getting too much in the day. Is your son still having a day sleep? Zander's is generally only for an hour though so it's not like he's sleeping too long.

[Tanya]

Sarah, my MIL suggest to me (after having a rough trot with both girls a few months back) to try worming them... it can keep kids awake at night... awful thought I know, but worth a try.

Does he have a sleep during the day? I know Violet sleeps a bit better if she does but sometimes she refuses!

Ummm... what else can I think of? Do you get up to him straight away? If you do maybe give him a few minutes to see if he will self settle. I know sometimes Violet will start screaming (I think she is still asleep half the time) and I wait a minute and half the time she will go back to sleep (I learnt this the hard way, getting up to her and when I reach her room she is sound asleep!), the other half I need to attend to her.

Maybe reward him in the morning with an outing to the lolly shop if he doesn't disturb you too much during the night?

I hope you can come up with a solution...

Tanya

ETA: Sarah, you could try calling a sleep school and ask them for some advise that doesn't use controlled crying. Also I saw an article on a sleep school and it seems they may also be moving away from controlled crying.

[*las*]

Sarah - I agree with you on sleep school/CC...it's just not my style of parenting. There has to be another way!

Trent dropped his day sleep when he had just turned 2 - the plus to this was that he was going to bed at 7.30-8 and instead of 10.30-11! I initially thought he wasnt' sleeping well because he was so exhausted from not having the day sleep, he couldn't wind down properly, but I don't think it's that either.

We co-slept for roughly 18 months, so I'm also convinced it's a separation/comfort thing, and while he goes to his own bed quite hapilly on his own and straight to sleep, he doesn't know how to re-settle himself back to sleep during the night and relies on one of us to do it.

Is your bedroom far from his?? We've also starting leaving a hall light on and having some soft music playing in his room the last few nights, but he's still calling out for me.

[MantaRay]

Sarah, it sounds like nothing is really wrong, it might be just a habit thing. Interestingly, when Jack was just over 1, he was still waking in the night for a feed. MIL was staying overnight at our place and DH and I went and had a night away to catch on some "us" time and sleep (I was already pg again so it was much needed). I worried that he would wake for a feed and not be happy drinking from a cup, but amazinly he slept through the night. And then continued to sleep through the night (most nights) from then on. Then just recently when I went to Melbourne overnight, Tom who wakes nearly every night for a feed slept through the night I wasn't there, and the next night (but is waking again now!). It seems to be that the boys knew I wasn't there, so didn't wake, and in Jack's case it was enough to break the habit. Would you be comfortable going away overnight to see if that helps? You could leave Aaron home with Zander, or if you have parents or ILs close by that you trust perhaps they could stay over and you could make it a nice night away for the two of you. It could be worth a try and whether it works or not you will feel much better after an uninterrupted nights sleep.

[renee84]

WE have had the same problems with Atlanta over the past few weeks, she was waking up every 2-3 hours screaming for me and the noly way to stop her was to bring her in our bed as I was exhausted ( bad idea!) we have finaaly got her into her own bed by leaving her door open with tha loungeroom light on and e bought her glow in the dark stars for her ceiling (she said she was scared) and it seems to work, she might only wake up once a night now, I go and give her a cuddle and she goes back to sleep. Prob not much help, but all I can say is to try and get him to explain to you why hes crying and go from there. Hope you get some sleep soon!

[Liz]

Oh Sarah - I know the feeling EXACTLY! hehe. Tallon's sleeping has improved a great deal over the last few months whilst co-sleeping, so we haven't really been sleep deprived, but he would always wake, reach for me (actually he'd grab a handful of my hair .. and yes.. I've tried changing this to a fluffy toy or something.. isn't working! LOL) and go straight back to sleep. I know their ages are different, but I agree it's probably a separation thing. We're fortunate in a way I guess coz when I put him in his own bed at night, if he wakes, which he usually does, he just gets himself up and comes in to us.. I don't have to do anything except help him up onto our bed and we all go back to sleep.

We're also the same, in that daddy just won't do! I keep saying to DH.. what are you going to do when I'm in hospital? I have a feeling both of them will be camping out with me & bubs in teh hospital LOL. aah well.. we just take things as they come.

Could you perhaps put Zander on a mattress in your room so you don't actually have to get up? It might at least get you through the next couple of months if morning sickness & fatigue really kick in.

I wonder if there's such a thing as a voice activated cd player LOL.. so if he calls out, it plays your voice saying "it's ok, mummy's here, go back to sleep" hehehe.

Hope you don't get too worn out!

[*charmalea*]

the ellen barron centre had great nusres that worked around me and nixon .... nix on hardly cried and all they did was rearrange his routine .. never heard a peep from him ... honest !!

ok maybe on the the first day for about 10mins coz we went cold turkey on the dummy.....

i told them i didnt want nix to cry it out ... they were so in tune , it never got to that with nixon ... but some of the other mums there preffered to cry it out .... the whole ward was full of cying babies and mums having a cuppa in the kitchen .... i guess its diifernt for every one ...


LIZ i was gonna suggest the matteress thing too .. when ever nix is sick the matteress comes out and he sleeps on the floor next to me ..

if he stirs i can flop and arm out and pat or wobble him back to sleep ....

[Liz]

Or what about a 2way monitor, so you can just talk to him through the handset? I know you still have to wake up for that.. but at least you don't have to get up! LOL. Does he need to actually see you? or would talking to him be enough?

[BellyBelly]

A gentle reminder that this is the gentle parenting section for non-cry-it-out methods.

Sarah, separation anxiety peaks at around 18 months but does get better from there, all in their own good time. Doing it gently reinforces secure attachments and they do grow up to be more independent and confident. It can just be trying at the time! Marisa was like that with me for a long time, her anxiety with SM just enhanced it and it lasted a while. She wouldn't have a bar of John at night and it did my head in until I surrendered and realised she needed me right now and I could do this. Now she's anyone's and remember that soon little boys turn to their daddy and they are the entire universe to them, and poor mummy wonders what she did wrong! So enjoy the mummy cuddles now because soon he'll only want his dad for a while. Oh and if you haven't already, grab Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph

[MantaRay]

That's great advice Kelly, I love Raising Boys. DH really enjoyed it too to his surprise - he was sure it was going to make bold assumptions about males. Instead he agreed with it!

[christy]

oh Sarah *hugs* When I was pregnant with Jovie and Matilda had just turned 2, she started waking overnight & being awake for hours & we would get 2 lots of sleep from around 3 hours each. Matilda would take 2 hours to get to sleep and then be awake for most of the night. I was exhausted. We were getting help through Triple P and there were a few suggestions for us:

1. She was asking for a dummy. She hadn't had one in over a year, and she was associating dummy with baby.

2. She struggled with the idea of me leaving her alone. So at night I would move slowly out of her room and then at night do the same. So start by sitting in a chair in the room facing another way and every few nights I moved the chair towards the door until I was standing in the hallway.

3. Try going cold turkey & going somewhere else to sleep. So they suggested I leave the house at night and let DH do everything. (we never tried it)

4. Put a mattress in her room and go in there to sleep, or put a mattress in our room for her to sleep on.

We tried putting a mattress in our room on the ground next to our bed. Matilda did well for a week & then starting trying to negotiate in the middle of the night (she wanted DH to sleep on the ground & she wanted to sleep on the bed with me, but only without him). So it turned into tantrums in the middle of the night, which was crazy. Then we put a mattress in her room and she kept trying to get in that mattress & kick etc and negotiate again... Finally our last straw before me going to sleep somewhere else was the dummy. We gave her a dummy and she started sleeping, instantly. She may have woken up for a few minutes but only once.... it was crazy. Now we can't get rid of it, but at the same time she's sleeping through.

She got worse when Jovie was sleeping in our room she wanted to sleep in our bed as well. We has a regression for a month or so but now that Jovie's in the same room as her, sleep is much better. I think I'm only up once at night now... imagine that!

[{sarah}]

Shan with regards to the milk issue, with Zander's bowel problems (toddler diahorrea) we have had him checked out & there is no issue with milk or lactose at all so that's definitely not it.

Melanie, he's had nights with my parents before & it's never made a difference at all, he wakes the same with them as with me, but will accept Granma in the middle of the night.

Co-sleeping is definitely out as well, he thinks my bed is for playtime! He has his day sleeps there & sleeps much better as the room is darker, but as soon as anyone is in bed with him that's it it's playtime.

We have music, night light, sleep spray, we have cuddles in his bed every night so my smell is in his bed I would think, he has a dummy but isn't fussed in the middle of the night for it. There's just no room in our room to fit in a mattress, so that's not really an option unfortunately. He goes to sleep well & only starts up from an hour after we've gone to bed & the house is quiet, whether it's 9pm or 1am, just once we've gone to bed.

[MantaRay]

Sarah, I wonder what would happen if you left a TV on all night so the house isn't quiet? Or some music playing in his room on loop? Just a thought.

[{sarah}]

Might be an idea Melanie I hadn't thought about the TV.