Are we doing the wrong thing?

[Heaven]

We have been night weaning DD which is going pretty good. She used to wake up AT LEAST every 3 hrs at night to be breastfed back to sleep. Now when she goes down she's generally sleeping for 6.5hrs before she wakes After that she sometimes sleeps for another few hours but sometimes wakes up a lot. She used to have to be fed back to sleep or rocked, no way she would ever self settle!! But since we have been doing the night weaning, if I feed her I take her off before she's fully asleep and she rolls around a bit and goes off to sleep. If I don't feed her she gets cranky and cries but sometimes will still go back to sleep on her own! Amazing!!

However, now that we know she can do this we are less likely to get up with her and I'm wondering if we're doing the right thing. We have previously never left her to cry. We don't believe in CC at all!! So when she cries in the night if I don't do anything about it I feel really guilty and like I am doing the wrong thing. But if I think about it it seems logical what we are doing. It's just in the night, when she's crying, I feel bad.

So what happens is, she's trying to get back to sleep, she's in bed with us, she's rolling around and crying, then she'll stop for a few minutes, then start again. Cuddles up to me, then cuddles DH, tries lying upside down, side-ways, LOL. Eventually goes to sleep but sometimes it has taken up to an hour!! The crying she does is loud but I don't feel like it's a distressed, sad, upset cry. It's like she's angry with us. She wants to be fed or rocked but we're not giving it to her. Eventually she realizes she will have to go to sleep on her own and she does. Do I'm wondering if this sort of crying is bad? Is she feeling neglected and then giving up eventually like if we did CC??

If she does end up not going to sleep and getting very upset which she has done, we do end up getting up with her and either feeding or rocking. She's always in bed with us and not left in her cot in another room or anything. But I can't comfort her other than lying beside her. That actually makes her more upset!! It's best if I just lie there and pretend to ignore her. If I try to cuddle or pat her or something she pushes me away or wants a feed and ends up really upset.

So I feel like she's crying and I'm just lying there ignoring her which is really weird for me because for her whole life I have always fed or rocked her to sleep! I do think it's time for her to learn to settle herself during the night though. We are tired! And since we have been night weaning and she has been self-settling sometimes during the night, she is sleeping a lot better! She's even started falling asleep by herself in the car sometimes during the day which is bloody amazing!! She has always HATED the car and never gone to sleep by herself in there before. I'm just hoping she's not learning to self-settle bc I'm damaging her and she thinks I won't come help her!!!!

Sorry, that was long. What do you think?? Are we doing the wrong thing?? Or is it ok?? I'm totally anti-CIO so I think sometimes I can be too far the other way and I never give her the chance to self-settle, whereas now I am so it seems odd. So I thought I would get the trusty BB ladies opinions

[Olive]

hun ii think your doing a wonderful job, so dont ever doubt yourself!

have you tried rubbing her back? DD likes this, that and me just holding her hand seems to be enough sometimes

[onthefly]

Heaven hon you're getting yourself twisted up into knots about this. Maybe try not to think so much and trust yourself. You know when she really needs you and you're there for her. And trust her - she'll let you konw when she really needs you.
As DS has gotten older we've left him to his own devices more and more. He cries a bit, but I know if he goes to sleep then he is ok - there's no way he'd sleep if he's distressed. And anyway, he is sure to let us know if he really needs us.
It sounds like she is figuring things out in the post-feed-to-sleep world - it'll take a little time but it sounds like she's fine and you're doing great.

[Fleur]

Heaven hon you're getting yourself twisted up into knots about this. Maybe try not to think so much and trust yourself. You know when she really needs you and you're there for her. And trust her - she'll let you konw when she really needs you.
As DS has gotten older we've left him to his own devices more and more. He cries a bit, but I know if he goes to sleep then he is ok - there's no way he'd sleep if he's distressed. And anyway, he is sure to let us know if he really needs us.
It sounds like she is figuring things out in the post-feed-to-sleep world - it'll take a little time but it sounds like she's fine and you're doing great.

:yeahthat: Perfectly said!

I think you're doing a great job

[boomba]

This is so like DS1 its uncanny. He would wake and trash around but fell back to sleep. I would just pat his back or put my hand on him somewhere so he knew I was there.....he was still in our bed.

Good luck hun your doing a wonderful job...I think as long as you are there with her and not just leaving her to cry alone she will be ok x

[sloane]

it sounds like you're doing a great job...i figure, they get so used to feeding to sleep that there's going to be an adjustment period & if you feel like it's the right thing, then keep doing it. i can't believe how much her sleeps have improved - that's fantastic - you're obviously doing something right!! i reckon marcellus is right & there's no need to overthink this - just keep doing what you're doing & trust your instincts to know when she needs a cuddle & when she's settling herself

PS i know i've said it before, but you sooooo give me hope that there's sleep to be had in the future!!

[Mak]

Heaven - you are the expert on your DD - trust yourself and stick with your gut feeling! Don't beat yourself up!!!! xx

[Ginger]

does she go back to sleep quicker if you pull her into you and kind of spoon her? i do this with ds2 when i don't want to bfeed him back to sleep and it works wonders.
also remember that there's a huge difference between a protest whinge and a distressed cry.

[Heaven]

Thank you everyone! You've made me feel so much better! You're all right of course

olive & ginger- nope, I can't touch her, she pushes me away or kicks me and gets more upset, lol. Maybe she does jut want to be left to her own devices.

sloane- I'm glad I can give you hope! I remember feeling hopeless and like no one had ever had a baby that slept as badly as my DD but now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not much longer and you will too!!

[Olive]

DD does that too pushes me away... though ive found holding hands works excepts she holds on very tight to make sure i dont go

[sneakysparkle]

Heaven youre doing an awesome job hun xo

[OceanPrincess]

Heaven you're doing a great job - you've been given some great advice there, just wanted to add my vote of encouragement

I think you hit the nail on the head when you yourself said:

Eventually goes to sleep but sometimes it has taken up to an hour!! The crying she does is loud but I don't feel like it's a distressed, sad, upset cry. It's like she's angry with us. She wants to be fed or rocked but we're not giving it to her. Eventually she realizes she will have to go to sleep on her own and she does.

Listen to yourself hun

It might take up to an hour now... but in a week it might take half an hour... and a week later it might take ten mins... and then soon she might not even stir at all

[Ginger]

another thing that worked with my ds1 was giving him some cows milk in one of those tommee tippee closer to nature bottles (a lot like a nipple)