What do you do with unwanted sleep advice?!

[{sarah}]

I'm sorry Mumma Mia, but I have to disagree with you. I will not listen to people telling me to make my child cry & scream whilst I ignore him & I won't listen to the advice that tells me to go to so-called experts who suggest the same sorts of things. I would never ever suggest that sort of thing to others either, so no point in taking it in. My child is going to a neurologist in two weeks, suggesting that I make his room darker or give him warm mik before bed or sending him to bed early etc etc isn't going to help me or him.

I realise people are trying to help & I appreciate the thought behind it but after 4 years of the same suggestions over & over it gets a bit much. And yes the same people give the same advice regularly.

[Trillian]

Take it all in. Educate yourself on other peoples ideas. Not just for yourself, but down the track, a friend might be having a few issues and from everything u have read and people have told u, u can get them to check out the websites etc. I NEVER dismiss advice. People are just trying to help.

Can I ask if you could honestly save up info and pass it onto someone else in good conscience if it is advice that you wouldn't take yourself? Or if it was just the dumbest piece of advice you'd ever heard or something that went completely against your parenting choices? I know I couldn't and I've been doing this parenting caper for quite a few years now. It would just go against every fibre of my being to pass on crap information - I couldnt' have someone tell me to use CC, disregard it because it's not what I do, and yet pass it onto someone else as something they should do.

Sarah, I just don't mention it - people probably think that Alister was a perfect sleeper because I rarely complained to anyone IRL or mentioned that he was having so much trouble when he was a baby with his sleep (not so much now thankfully!) but in reality he was a shocker! I guess i didn't say anything because it kinda avoided anyone giving me advice but also because I just didn't think they needed to know kwim? I think if you are polite when you do get unwanted or dodgy advice that you can't go wrong - they feel better for imparting their little gem of wisdom and you don't seem like you're ungrateful if you said thanks but no thanks Or if it is the same people giving you the same old advice you could always say "yeah, tried that one the last time you suggested it, have you got any other ideas?" but that would only come across right if you knew them well enough LOL

[Nelle]

Keep some really yummy lollies in your bag, and eat one for every sentence of advice you get.

[Janie]

Nelle, that is the best!!!!!!!

I think that is a great suggestion Trill - if it's the same old people, tell them it didn't work last time, and ask if they have anything new! Classic!

Sorry Sarah, to laugh in your serious thread, not making light of your situation

[onthefly]

I'm just honest.
Yep, tried that.
Uh-huh, that's interesting.
Nup, won't do that.

We're only 18 months in though, it must get very tiresome after a few years... congrats on 4 nights with no wakeups.

[{sarah}]

Haha Janie, it's all good

And Trillian, love it!

[Roryrory]

Hey Sarah for what its worth the guy who used to run my local fruit shop had a son who wouldn't sleep (I'm talking getting to the age of 2 and never sleeping more than 45mins ata stretch) and in the end they took him to a neurologist and I think it was some hormonal inbalance with him. But just when they were about to "diagnose" him it all went away the bugger grew out of it! Before that though his parents went thru hell trying to convince everyone they weren't doing the "wrong" thing and it was something physical going on. I know this won't help much but you are not alone in having these sorts of issues.

[christy]

Sarah we still have 3-4 wake ups a week with Matilda taking an hour or so to get back to sleep... Its frustrating and everyone tells you what you should do and how you should do it. You are doing a great job staying sane!!! Thats the best thing you can do. If someone gives me advice... and it happens often , I say "Well thats great that you think that would work...." and try to vaguely walk away....

I hope your neurologist helps!

[[M]umma[M]ia]

geez.... u have got to be kidding. Someone in this forum has a different opinion and u snap. wow.

I just have alot of respect for people and when they are giving me advice, whether its against my parenting decisions. I will listen. I will discuss it with them. You have to understand THEY ARE JUST TRYING TO HELP. U have asked for this help... prob not so straight forward, but u would have mentioned that ur child is having some sleep issues. If u didnt... they wouldnt offer advice, coz they wouldnt know about it. Mayb thats the trick? if u dont want peoples "unwanted"advice... dont tell them ur problems. I dont do CC... but... i know ALOT about it. From speaking to different ppl when i was having problems with Mia. So what... its not for me... but i listened... i looked into it (i was curious).

Im sorry if this comes across as abit harsh, i mean that in no way.. im just getting my point across.

[{sarah}]

Who snapped? I simply told you that I won't take advice that goes against my parenting philosophy.

You assume I am asking for advice...... I posted after the mother of a friend, who I have not spoken to for a very long time (and never about my son's sleep) posted a link on my facbook page. I have never asked her for sleep advice. I have also never asked her daughter for sleep advice, she doesn't have children & I wouldn't ask someone that hasn't been there before, for advice. You also assume that I don't know anything about what has been suggested. I said I have tried everything in my second post. I said this advice is generally repeated. I know about CIO, I know all of the tricks to get kids to sleep. Don't tell me up on your high horse that you listen to every bit of information that you are told, because if you were told the same things over & over I am certain you would phase it out & not listen.

Actually, did you even read my post past the first paragraph? I said I know they are trying to help & I appreciate the thought, you don't need to yell this at me in your post.

The reason for this post was to ask what others do, not to be told what to do....



And thanks Rory, it's good to know there are other kids out there with a neurological reason for not sleeping, so we may be able to fix this

[[M]umma[M]ia]

yeah i do actually listen to every bit of information that is told to me. EVERY single bit. Cant help it.. im a great listener lol

FYI, i wasnt yelling at u.. i dont know why u even said that.

And yes.. i answered what I would do.. im not telling u what to do at all. Its what i do.

How very odd that she would post some sleep advice to you if she knew nothing about it.... me personally, ide be worried she was stalking me. lol

So getting back to topic..

Mayb i got confused. I was trying to answer "what do you do with unwanted sleep advice".. not "what do you say when you get unwanted sleep advice".... but never mind.

At the end of the day, i just think everyone should listen to all the advice they are given. Even if it doesnt work for u, it may work for someone else. So I just take it in my stride, file it in the back of my mind and mayb some day i will need it.

[Rouge]

Holly, whenever you type in capitals it is yelling. Its one of the first rules of online etiquette. And TBH I thought your post was quite rude too.

As for listening to everyone's advice, I think thats a bit silly. I've known people (who I no longer know) who think its perfectly ok to medicate their children to sleep (not because its been advised but just because) and then leave the house while said medicated children are sleeping. This IMO is akin to abuse and anyone that suggested a thing I would simply say no.

Not all advice is good, and you don't need to take it on, and ironically I could probably bring up a few posts where you've nicely and calmly told people you didn't want their advice and I can recall you saying something similar to me before. I parent my children the way I do because I believe this to be the best way for them. If there are things I believe to be cruel, dangerous, risk taking etc I'm not going to advise anyone to do it! Why would I?!

[{sarah}]

I will give you some advice now.... Writing in caps is shouting. If you don't realise you were yelling, then you should read up on netiquette, Lucy has done a post in the forum guidelines section, but you can get lots of info from google as well.

Take it all in. Educate yourself on other peoples ideas. Not just for yourself, but down the track, a friend might be having a few issues and from everything u have read and people have told u, u can get them to check out the websites etc.

Regardless of whether this is what you do, these three sentences are directly explaining what I should do.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

im not even gonna bother writing a reponse to that. I dont know u people and im not going to let u attack me on a public forum.

ill leave it at that and let u get on with ur day. thanks for listening.

[{sarah}]

That's alright honey, if that's what you've gotta do. I was just protecting myself after being attacked in the first place.

[tk1999]

So what do you do? Do you tell people you have tried that already or say no I won't try that because xxxx or do you just say thank you & ignore it?

Sometimes I ignore it - especially if it is totally useless advice (ie "just settle her" oh is it that easy is it... thanks I would never have thought of trying to settle her ) and then other times I take it on board, acknowledge that I have tried it or ask genuine further questions.

But if they start on with she who shall not be named then I do tend to ark up a bit... I ask them why they think those techniques work and then discuss the reasons and give my (I acknowledge somewhat limited) experience/knowledge of gentle parenting and why I won't try she who must not be named techniques.

I went to the Baby Show last weekend in Sydney and one of the stalls there had the book for she who shall not be named as well as some other products. I wanted to buy one of their products (a breastfeeding shawl) but when I went to pay and saw she who shall not be named on the desk I said I was no longer interested in purchasing from them as they supported her. They were a bit ataken back and went on to tell me how the techniques had 'saved their lives as well as their sleep' and I really should try it, I politely said that any person who supported those techniques was not someone that I wanted to transact with.

I know I am going to encounter many more of well meaning people as DD grows and I am worried I will become really sarcastic in my responses... especially to MIL who the other day suggested something that differed from my parenting style and would hear nothing as to why I didn't want to do that

Hope all goes well with the neuro

[Rouge]

T I bow down to your awesomeness! I wish I had been there to see that! BRAVO!

[tk1999]

Aw thanks Rouge