What do you do with unwanted sleep advice?!

**{sarah}** · September 25th, 2009, 01:46 PM

It's common knowledge around here that Z is still having problems with his sleep & we're now actually booked in to see a neurologist in a few weeks to see if we can get to the bottom of his issues. So as a result we get lots of advice on what to do, from CIO to putting him to bed earlier / later etc etc. Usually I just smile & say we have tried that, because honestly I think we have tried everything! Though now I have started just saying "thank you" and moving on. Even today I was advised to try a website dedicated to sleep. The site is run by someone I would never in a million years consider listening to (no need to say her name don't want any issues again

), ordinarily I would tell the person exactly that & why, but I chose to just say "thank you, I'll check it out".

So what do you do? Do you tell people you have tried that already or say no I won't try that because xxxx or do you just say thank you & ignore it?

Just curious

**Rouge** · September 25th, 2009, 01:50 PM

For a start Zander's sleep issues are NOT him being in need of ANY sleep training.

It drives me crazy that people automatically go for the parents lack of "training". Some people need to think before they speak. He's an awesome kid, and his sleep patterns are not consistent, I have known him to go days without waking.

I would say no I won't try that because xxx, and then say but thank you anyway and leave it at that.

**{sarah}** · September 25th, 2009, 01:53 PM

I'm just so sick of it after 4.5 years people giving advice over & over. Do they really think we haven't tried everything possible?!

As for days without waking.... Weve had four in a row this week. He's such a clever little man

**Rouge** · September 25th, 2009, 01:54 PM

There ya go! Awesomeness

And you are an awesome mummy don't forget that

**Arimeh** · September 25th, 2009, 01:56 PM

OMG - 4 days without waking?!?!!? Can you send him here to teach DS cos he still wakes up every night!!!!!

**Astrid** · September 25th, 2009, 01:59 PM

For me I respond based on how the advice is given, how often and how insistent they are. If someone recommends to me "she who will not be named" I have to admit I do not hold back on saying what I think about her.

So normally I will just say "I am not comfortable with that" and if they push it I become less polite. I had someone harping on about how unsafe co-sleeping is and I ended up snapping back at her "well babies still die in cots by themselves, I think you should back off."

**aimz78** · September 25th, 2009, 01:58 PM

Hi Sarah,
I must admit I will often just say thanks because those people are trying to help and I also don't want them to feel like I am "judging" their techniques or parenting style if I tell them we would not consider, say , controlled crying or whatever, IYKWIM? I am a bit wussy lol! Even though i am quite passionate about what i want for my child, I often just keep it to myself as these people arent sleeping in my bed so I figure its none of their buisiness. I hope the issues get sorted soon x

**Mak** · September 25th, 2009, 02:09 PM

Sarah - I feel your pain!! DD is 3.5 and has never been a great sleeper. We have tried EVERYTHING and for long periods of time. Nothing has worked and too be honest I am sick of people suggesting that we need to try things - or just be firmer

.
You are definitely not alone and it is hard work. I have given up explaining or trying to justify our position and I just say 'Thanks that sounds interesting'. Very wussy and non commital but in the end easier for me.
Good luck at the neurologist - I hope there are some answers for you all. Try and take care of yourselves too. xxx

PS 4 nights in row is fantastic - hang on to that, I always do in hope it happens again soon, lol.

**boomba** · September 25th, 2009, 02:29 PM

Oh Sarah I know exctly what you mean

Like parenting isnt hard enough wihtout well meaning family friends and sometimes strangers making even harder.

In the end I just never spoke of Ds sleeping habits and when people asked i would jsut say he sleeps like any other baby.

I am soo glad i stuck with my gentle techniques and my way as now Ds sleeps all night in his own bed and you know what he did all by himself.so hopefully the light is ther for you somehwere too

So I hope Z will work it out too and you can brush off all the comments.

xx

**~Kim~** · September 25th, 2009, 02:37 PM

mate.
Deprnds on how fragile I'm feeling on the given day. Like Aimz I usually smile and say thanks as I've nearly had my own family disown before because I actually said what I thought about a suggestion.
FWIW though. Z is a lovely little fellow and his sleep is none of anyone eles business. I have told a few people that in my time too

**rufalina** · September 25th, 2009, 02:48 PM

I apply the nod and smile, and thanks... and usually file it away in the recesses of my brain, never to be accessed again... Until you see them again, and they ask you how you are going with the issue

Good luck with your appt sarah. Hope you are able to fund the answers you need... xo

**Phteven** · September 25th, 2009, 02:48 PM

I usually blast them into 1000000 tiny bits with my special death ray that I keep for such occasions.
If I've left the death ray at home I just smile and nod and try not to hear them.

**Rouge** · September 25th, 2009, 02:49 PM

*Chuckle*

I like that one the best I think

**Olive** · September 25th, 2009, 03:07 PM

I usually blast them into 1000000 tiny bits with my special death ray that I keep for such occasions.
If I've left the death ray at home I just smile and nod and try not to hear them.

thats priceless!!

hun

**tk1999** · September 26th, 2009, 05:26 PM

So what do you do? Do you tell people you have tried that already or say no I won't try that because xxxx or do you just say thank you & ignore it?

Sometimes I ignore it - especially if it is totally useless advice (ie "just settle her" oh is it that easy is it... thanks I would never have thought of trying to settle her

) and then other times I take it on board, acknowledge that I have tried it or ask genuine further questions.

But if they start on with she who shall not be named then I do tend to ark up a bit... I ask them why they think those techniques work and then discuss the reasons and give my (I acknowledge somewhat limited) experience/knowledge of gentle parenting and why I won't try she who must not be named techniques.

I went to the Baby Show last weekend in Sydney and one of the stalls there had the book for she who shall not be named as well as some other products. I wanted to buy one of their products (a breastfeeding shawl) but when I went to pay and saw she who shall not be named on the desk I said I was no longer interested in purchasing from them as they supported her. They were a bit ataken back and went on to tell me how the techniques had 'saved their lives as well as their sleep' and I really should try it, I politely said that any person who supported those techniques was not someone that I wanted to transact with.

I know I am going to encounter many more of well meaning people as DD grows and I am worried I will become really sarcastic in my responses... especially to MIL who the other day suggested something that differed from my parenting style and would hear nothing as to why I didn't want to do that

Hope all goes well with the neuro