Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Is it worth saying anything? (bit of a vent)

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Blue Mountains
    Posts
    5,086

    Default Is it worth saying anything? (bit of a vent)

    I just had a visit to the clinic, a belated 6-8wk checkup for Tallon. And the nurse asked how his sleeping is. I said he's not too bad, very easy to get to sleep.. I told her I feed to sleep.. that didn't really go down too well..reckons it'll be a problem later on. I said he's been quite wakeful the last couple of weeks, but that he's had the sniffles as well. She warned me against picking him up, not to have eye contact.. that they need to 'learn' to put themselves back to sleep after a sleep cycle. She said picking him up when he cries rewards him for crying??! OMG! I soooo should have said that the only thing he's going to learn doing all that is that I'm going to ignore him and that I won't fix whatever is upsetting him!

    Just as a note - I've since worked out that the poor little guy has been cold at night (my bad ) and wrapping him nice and snug in a blanket instead of just a wrap last night helped him sleep properly between feeds instead of waking every 20mins or so. I worked out that tucking him in, even under blankets etc, coz it's tucked in so firmly, the blankets don't actually wrap around him, so I don't think the air around him stays warm iykwim? But I don't reckon I'd have worked it out if I was there letting him cry trying to get him to 'learn' to go back to sleep!

    Anyway.. I didn't say anything to the nurse, I just hmm'd and pretty much ignored what she was saying about the sleeping. hehe. Is it worth defending how I'm trying to do things? or just let it go and just carry on my merry way?

    I mentioned all this to my mum, and she's like "well that's what they teach at Tresillian". Bah.. who cares.. I said I'm not gonna let my baby cry and learn that I'm NOT there for him. If he's crying, it's for a reason. If the reason is his lonely and scared and needs a quick cuddle, then so be it. The fact that he IS capable of long 5 hr sleeps (I wish it was more often!!) shows that sleeping isn't the issue, he's obviously needing me if he keeps waking.



    I talked to DH about it when I got home, and we both agree that we really do have a very contented little baby, who doesn't really cry much.. in fact rarely cries in our arms, only cries out from his cot. We've never had to pace the halls trying to settle him, but I must admit that I've seen some parents with very upset little ones and I know that they've done controlled crying methods. The thought crossed my mind today, that if controlled crying/comforting teaches the baby to think you don't care.. could it be that you don't? (to a degree). The only reason people want their baby to stay asleep is so THEY can get some sleep and don't have to keep attending to their baby. I'm very happy to keep looking after my baby and giving him the attention he needs.

    Phew.. anyway.. better stop before I offend anyone who's done controlled crying :/ But I needed to vent. Holding back at the clinic obviously wasn't healthy.. so now I've let it all out.. I feel much better! LOL.

    PS. who'd have ever thought I'd feel so strongly about gentle parenting! LOL. Before I came here, I was basically just going to do whatever my mum had done.. I mean.. who wouldn't? it's MUM! hehe.

  2. #2

    Default

    IMO its worth defending your methods to the nurse. After all she's only human and if no-one ever tells that they get great results from gentle methods and her training has all been tresillian style then she's never going to know anything else. I really can't remember where I read it (maybe it was BB lol) but awhile ago I saw an article about extended breast feeding (I think...) - about all I remember of the article was someone saying that attachment parenting was really underground in Australia - that women who breastfeed past a year etc. often keep it on the hush-hush. I think that its really sad that the parenting culture of Australia has become such that women keep it secret if we co-sleep or feed for an extended period. I know that I often don't mention co-sleeping because I don't want to deal with the negativity. Maybe we should all make more of an effort to be 'out' about the way we parent and maybe then nurses etc will be more ready to recommend gentle parenting.
    I'm not sure if I answered your question at all or just had a bit of a rant.......

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Sydney
    Posts
    2,121

    Default

    oh ivana - i read your post with sympathy - i remember this situation all too well. With my first DD, my DH would wait for my phonecall (in tears) after my visit to the clinic, cause i used to be so upset at what the nurses said i was doing wrong.

    Firstly, i too realised a few weeks ago that DD#2 must have been chilly and i wasnt rugging her up too well. I bought a fleecy sleeping bag for her, i put a bonds suit underneath it and wrap her hands up and pop her in the fleecy bag - ohhh she looks so snug.She slept better when i did this....

    AS for picking them up when they are crying, i dunno, some say dont do it, others say dont attempt to teach them any sleeping habits until they are after 6months of age. Im with the latter - your lil boy is only 2 months, how can you leave him crying. YOur doing a wonderful job, and youi sound like a committed mother. I used to have to hold my DD hand to sleep. Me and DH did this for months - crouched on the floor in the foetal possi with our hand stretched inbetween the cot bars to her hand, breathing ever so softly so she wouldnt know when we left the room..... - she under 12 months.
    Nurses, midwives would say we are making trouble for ourselves. But now (shes 2.5) she is such an angel, and goes to sleep no problems.
    SLeep is a learned behaviour, and at 2 months of age, i dont see how you can be teaching your baby any bad habits....or anything for that matter.

    Ohhh and i just let them (the nurses) carry on their merry way. I get what info i want out of them, and like you, just nod and smile when they say something i disagree with.......your doing a great job.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Blue Mountains
    Posts
    5,086

    Default

    I agree with you actually Dach. Maybe that's why I needed to vent, coz it was bursting to come out of me.. I probably should have let it out with the nurse. I guess I feel because I've only been a mum for 2 months that I don't have any 'real' backing for my case. I'm afraid of just being seen as a new mum that doesn't know any better. I also need to find a way of saying things that I don't sound defensive iykwim? I had the same dilemma with cloth nappies.. I faced all kinds of criticism when I was pregnant talking about cloth nappies, so I learnt to just keep my mouth shut. Now that I've been using them full time with no probs, I'm happy to tell everyone about them, regardless of the reaction. Maybe once I've seen a few more results of my gentle parenting I'll feel ready to defend it?

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Blue Mountains
    Posts
    5,086

    Default

    mbear - Yeah.. DH and I were saying that when Tallon is older and has a bit more understanding of what's going on.. then maybe picking him up EACH time might not be the way to go, but he'll then be able to understand comfort in other ways. For now, we're just going with it.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    In Bankworld with Barbara
    Posts
    14,222

    Default

    Ivana - I think you are doing great. You worked out what Tallon's problem was didn't you? Everyone makes different choices and what will work for one won't for another. But I don't think you should have to defend yourself for the choices you make. Sure, the little darlings will eventually figue out what they have to do to get a cuddle, but at his age it is hardly going to ruin him for life to give him a little cuddle.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Bonnie Doon
    Posts
    4,566

    Default

    We had all sorts of trouble with Louis settling when he was really little. Everyone told us to cc him and I just didn't feel like it was the right thing to do at all. Eventually I bowed to the pressure and tried it (a little) and it was just horrible. Little babies under 6m do not need to scream for any reason.
    Anyway, needless to say at 7 1/2 m no he's not sleeping through but he goes to sleep very easily and he sleeps well enough for me. I honestly think now the longer we leave him to cry (in circumstances that can't be avoided) the more unsettled he is, which makes sense.
    Why does everyone feel that there is only one way to fix babies problems? I would much prefer to be a nice loving mummy than one that ignores his cries etc.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    In my Zombie proof fortress.
    Posts
    6,449

    Default

    Ivana there is nothing wrong with what you are doing. My MCHN used to question me, but not anymore. At our last visit Maggie was what she classified as "advanced". So all she could do was tell me to keep on doing what I was doing. She knew that we co-slept etc, but she could not argue against it.

    I had one particular incident with Maggie where I am so glad I picked her up. We were staying at the grandparents, she was in the bassinet beside us (early days she slept in it quite happily). The night started out very hot, but later it became very cold very quickly, quite unexpectedly. I heard her quietly and I when I picked her up, I noticed how cold she was, quickly feed her and got her into bed with us. I hate to think what would have happened had I ignored that cry. So now I firmly believe that picking up a crying baby is the right thing to do and I sometimes the only way to work out what is wrong (nappy explosions etc)

    Hope you feel better after your vent

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Adelaide
    Posts
    55

    Default

    I think some people don't realise because they don't look at it from the babies perspective so sometimes it could be a good thing to share and even though she may not react how you hope it may get that thought process started.

    My baby is almost 13 months and I still pick her up because I don't see how she could understand my needs yet.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •