i was just thinking about the differences between ttc your first, second and third babies. for the first time i was super excited didnt know what laid ahead, I was are worried about labour and birth but i couldnt really imagine what it would be like so it was easy to put it out of my mind. I knew having a baby would change my life but again not exactly sure of the hows etc..

i found the second time was different again. i knew i wanted at least two children so it was kind of like a given that we would be doing it all over again. i went more into the science of it.. so learnt about ovulation and conception, how your body works and how to track things etc. charted, temp, cm all that stuff. it was exciting as well. this time round though, i knew wht was coming. i knew what was going to happen, i knew it wold hurt but i was determined to make it a better birth experience than first time round and was proud and relieved when it happend quicker and easier. i felt a bit guilty and unsure of how the second baby would affect my first baby and my husbands and my relationship. i knew what lay ahead with the trials of infancy etc but still i knew that i was going to do it and iwould cope.

after having two i didnt think i would want a third.

however, as time has gone on i am now of the opinion it is either now or never and i dont want to risk living in regret if we dont. howver i am finding thinking about ttc this time round and the prospect of birth, labour and adding a third child to our family a bit nerve wracking and anxiety provoking. (even though i DO want a third)...

i am much older than i was when i had my other babies, i worry about pregnancy and my health and how if i do become sick it could really affect the kids i already have. i worry that labour and birth the third time round wont be as nice as second time round and i will feel like a failure, be dissapointed seeing as though i felt such pride at getting it right second time round and not first. i had some complications with tearing/episiotomy with second birth that i have had fixed surgiucally last year and i am worried that this will become an issue again.

i worry about the dynamics of adding a third, will it be a negative thing for my kids and my husband? will i cope with a third?? will i be able to do the breastfeeding, teething, baby proofing, chained to the house, lack of freedom, etc etc etc ?

i do tend to be a bit of a worrier, so it is so typical of me to think negatively towards the furutre like that. i just find it interesting in regards to the difference in attitude/thinking about ttc throughout different. anyone else go through similar thought processes?