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Thread: BABY?

  1. #1
    *Kristee* Guest

    Question BABY?

    Hey girl,
    My best friend want's to have a baby, but her partner doesn't they have discussed it and he just keeps saying to her he's Not ready.........is there ever a time in a man's life that they are ready for a baby. She's 19 and he's 23 they've been together two years she has realised that there is no "perfect" time to have a baby and feels ready now but he want to have more money, but she's as she ever will be what should she do?????????


  2. #2

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    I not sure but they are still very young and if he is not really ready then it might not be the best option. I guess they just need to talk it through so she can understand why he is not ready and respect that i guess.My DH wasn't ready when i was 19 so I just waited and now he is ready and we are married so we are happy to bring a child into this life.
    I hope they both figure out what they want and have a good life together.

  3. #3

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    Thats a hard one, isn't it? i can understand the yearning for a child that your friend must be feeling and to think that it may not happen for quite some years must be difficult to accept. However, I don't think it would really be right to push a man into being a father. it is such a huge life change that if he really doesn't feel he wants a child, it could end up tearing them apart and if a child was involved then he/she suffers the most.
    IMO when the time is right for them both and for the relationship then a child will come along.
    For me, when we got married I was 22 and still at uni. I knew i wanted to finish my degree before having a baby, although I did want a child. Now I look back on that time BC (before child) as a very special time for me and DH and a time that we spent preparing and establishing our relationship so it was strong enough to survive a baby thrown in the mix.
    Your friend might feel similar in a few years time?

  4. #4

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    I agree - still quite young. I also agree that some men never seem to think they're 'ready' either. DH took a lot of convincing, and I must admit, he did it coz I wanted to.. but we both turned 30 last year, so our ages came into it too. But he NEVER pictured himself as a dad, so had no yearning to 'grow up' and become a dad. And he now LOVES being a dad, and we're trying for another one! (Talking him into having #3 will be a hard job tho I can tell you! lol)

    Being so young tho, perhaps she could get him to commit to an age at which he's prepared to start trying for a baby regardless? OK.. I'm not wording this right LOL.. but perhaps he could agree to start when he's 25 or something.. and then at least it doesn't feel like a never ending battle for her, and it gives him a bit of time to get used to the idea.

    It's good that he wants to have some money etc. Perhaps get a solid plan in place that involves planning for a baby, so she feels lilke they're doing 'something' towards getting a bub.

  5. #5

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    Having a baby needs to be a joint decision otherwise he may end up resenting her if she coerces him into it. I think it is fantastic that he wants to secure their future financially before starting a family. It is a very mature decision he has made.

    We made the same decision a few years back when we toyed with the idea of having kids and am happy to say that by sacrificing a few years, it now means that I wont need to work once we have kids and can concentrate on being a SAHM.

    They are both still very young so I hope she sees the sense in this .... I know it is hard when you have your heart set on having babies!

  6. #6
    mae Guest

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    sounds like me. I'm 19 and my fiance is 26 and even though we're gettingmarried in a couple months he keeps himmmming and hawwwing about whether or not we should start TTC. My whole life the only thing I've ever wanted is to be a mother, and growing up that was 'my thing' lol I'd go to friends houses and end up following their moms around if they had younger brothers or sisters....sorry, rambling.

    I don't know what to tell her to do, but if she figures it out, get her to tell me =)

  7. #7

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    It takes time..... Aaron was stressing because of the whole money thing as well & it took me 2 years to convince him that we're never going to have *enough* money for a baby. I badgered him for a while, but gave up & he cam to the decision on his own.

  8. #8

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    i had the same problem with my dp, he just didn't feel ready.... get your friend to sit down with him and talk about exactly why hes not ready and what his concerns are. have her reasure him about things he is worried about... worked for me... of course it does make a difference what he is worried about or why he dosn't think he is ready but maybe if she can calmly reasure him and explain why she wants it so much and how confident she is in the process, this is what worked for me

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