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Thread: family and friends

  1. #1

    Default family and friends

    Has everyone told their family and friends they are ttc?
    We haven't yet because we didn't want any added pressure and it's bad enough us being dissapointed every month I don't want anyone else in the family to have that.
    Especially my side of family as it will be first g.child.
    But I do wonder if it's not worse that I have no one to talk to about it.
    What have others done?
    I also hate when family and friends will say 'don't you want kids' just because we have been married for a few years and are yet to have them.
    Little do they know it's quite the opposite and it really hurts when they say that.
    Hubby's side there are already g.children so we get the insensitive comments that hubby will have dry ball (isn't that a horrible saying) if we wait any longer.
    People just don't realise do they?
    J.


  2. #2

    Default

    Well, my MiL was always on at me to have children, and I just nodded and didn't give a date or indicaton - luckily she did this pre-marriage so there was no chance she wanted me to get pg. When she started on DH last year he turned around and told her all about our finances and how we can't afford it - peeved with him for that as it's our money, but he feels he has to justify his decision to himself as well so he's touchy about it.

    My parents and sister know I really, really want a child. My mum last year kept telling me how silly I was and how children are hard work (really?) and I didn't want children... now she's urging me on and thinking every tummy bug is morning sickness!

    Anyway, DH's parents have a grandchild so just hoping we're not expected to provide a playmate for his niece (the baby will be for US, not anyone else!) and my single cousin's now knocked up, so might be first on my dad's side but doubtful really, due to DH. At least my sister's fully on my side and will spend ages consoling me about this.

    Otherwise... well, people know I'm broody but that DH doesn't want a baby yet so don't pester me. I think if someone was to say something direct to me I'd probably snap, like I do at my parents when they're telling me what I want, be it to have a baby or to stay childless, but usually people either don't mention it or just let me laugh it off (one cousin was convinced I was pg at Christmas because I help organise an antenatal clinic, but I pointed out the goats cheese and wine so she calmed down again) - only one person asked me straight out why I didn't have children, at SiL's 30th, and when I said "I'm only 24, loads of time left!" in as jolly a voice I could muster (SiL was pg at the time with her first) she just looked so unbelieving (yes, I'm ancient and wrinkled) and didn't talk to me again! Well, that's good, who wants to talk to someone who's obsessed with MY fertility?

    One quote I do like: I've learned that fertility, like tact, doesn't come easily to some. Even if you just say it in your head.

  3. #3

    Default

    We weren't going to tell them until we were pregnant...

    Unfortunately, we got a false BFP, told them because we were so sure I was pregnant... and now we are having to go through the pain of having to un-tell them... We are telling them that even though it didn't work out this time, we are going to keep trying - so now they will know... in some ways telling them takes a lot of the pressure off - they can understand why you may be stressed out, why you don't feel like socialising very much, and why (in our case where they are all so far away) we may suddenly turn around and not go visit when we originally were...

    BW

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    108

    Default

    Well, at the start of TTC we didnt really tell anyone. After about six months of trying and regular BFN i was feeling really down so I told my sister. I'm kind of glad I did becuase she has been really supportive. My parents have been wondering for a while why we werent having any kids so i told my mum we have been trying but havent told her we have been TTC for nearly a year. At least now I dont get comments from them about "when are we going to have kids". I also have the problem where my sister and SIL's have all had kids and my youngest SIL is also now peg. I know that people are probably now thinking there is something wrong with me. I used to let it bother me, but i dont anymore. Its noones business what happens in our life. So from now on when people ask "when are you having kids", i just say soon.
    I think telling someone who is close to you is a good idea, especially if you know they are going to be supportive.

  5. #5
    *TamaraP* Guest

    Default

    We have only told my side of the family. We didn't want to tell most of my family, but when I was pregnant my dad got a little too excited and blabbed!! - so a few of them know we are trying.

    As for DH's side... nup. We don't want to added pressure from them. My family are great, but his they like to cause pressure when it isn't wanted. Plus, DH has a younger brother who is a little competitive. So if we announced we were TTC he would start with his wife. And that would just irk us. As we would like to have the joys of TTC without any of them knowing.

  6. #6

    Default resonse to replys

    Hi everyone,
    Thanks once again for your replys, I didn't think it would be this worthwhile writing on this forum but it is great.
    I was really down when I got AF earlier this week but the last couple of days talking with you guys and reading other posts I am feeling a lot better.
    To BW I really feel for you having to un-tell your family, that I'm sure will hurt.
    I will be thinking of you!
    So I'm thinking even more now that I should at least tell my Mum, DH doesn't want me to because he thinks she will tell everyone but I know I can trust her.
    I will try and work on him this weekend so I can tell my Mum, I really feel like some pressure would be taken of by telling her.
    Guys really don't understand that women HAVE to talk about things!!!
    I am sending some positive pregnancy thoughts to everyone, baby dust I think is the expression on here.
    So cute.
    J

  7. #7
    Aquariangypsii Guest

    Default

    I told my Mum that we were TTC and she has always wanted grandchildren. Every second time she phones up she says 'are you pregnant yet'. It makes it really hard, she is just trying to have a joke but doesn't realise that it hurts and is frustrating, especially just after AF has arrived (like your not down enough already). Then I have my cousin with three children phoning up saying "I hear your trying to start a family" just to make you feel like a complet looser.

    If I did it again I would never tell anyone I was TTC - it puts too much pressure on you.

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