How do you cope (cos I'm not doing so well)

[petalpetal]

Hi Bonnie,

You're right about the 'hearing about others falling', yeah, it doesn't feel good,but with the same breath, I'm so overjoyed for them, so ecstatic, that it's almost as if I live their fantastic news for the 10-30 seconds as it sinks in for me.
I'll give your great ideas of doing more DINK's activities with DH a go though, that's a really positive attitude to take in regards to this waiting time. Good luck with your TTC

[kas]

Hi,
I just wanted to say that i know exactly how you are feeling, having been there myself a few years ago.
The constant questioning yourself, your actions, others, your emotions-which as you are more than likely aware can change a dozen times in as many minutes. Yes, it sucks, it hurts, its exhausting. The problem is because we want it so bad its all we can focus on. My DH would mention to his friends that he was over the whole baby dancing thing as he was tired of fitting in with a routine and i agree, it did become more like a chore than 2 people expressing themselves and trying to create a new life. We tried for our 2nd son for 12 months before trying clomid, and praying that would be our saviour to no avail. After endless blood tests and screenings there was really no physical reason we shouldn't have been falling pg as all our bits worked and we already had one child, not that that made it any easier(i hope that doesnt sound selfish). As you may imagine that news can be both great but also just leaves more questions. We ended up walking the IVF path and after many more restless months we were fortunate enough to be successful on our 1st attempt.

People will tell you to stop stressing, dont try so hard, forget about it for a while. But for people TTC for a long period of time it does take control wether we want it to or not, you can't just flick the switch and stop trying or caring where you are at atm. I guess what i have been trying to say is that i know how you feel and want to give you a hugeand say that you can't help the way you are feeling and you ARE doing the best you know how to. To be honest I am still unsure how i got through my TTC phase as at times it still feels like a blur on some levels and other matters are so clear. As long as your DH, your parents and those you have shared your situation with are supportive and understand that some days will be better than others for you, you are very lucky, as well as being able to come here to BB and vent, talk and discuss your thoughts and feelings. I think having those things makes it easier too. I know chatting and sometimes even just reading on here made me realise that it wasnt just me and that others had or have been feeling the same and this gave me great comfort (not the fact others were going through it as well, more so, that i wasnt alone).
I truly wish you the very best in TTC and hope you dont have to wait long for your baby to be in your arms.

[Marilynne]

I have only JUST started trying, so I don't feel like I have a right to complain, but I am already going insane. I am up to day 37 of this cycle - 2HPT's, both neg and no idea what's going on... Every slight twinge, feeling, pain and thing I notice, I seem to over-analyse, wondering... Is that AF? Is that normal? Does that mean I'm pregnant?
I guess for me, it is frustrating because I wanted to start trying about 2 years ago, but we put things on hold to go and live overseas and do the things that DH wanted to do before having kids, so I kind of feel like I've been TTC for a lot longer than I actually have.
I know it's not 'supposed' to just happen at the click of my fingers, but I had hoped I'd be lucky. Aaaaaargh!!!
I feel your !!!

[shelbee]

HI everyone,

I am new to this thread but I have been trying to conceive for over 12 months and can relate to overwheling anticipation and feeling every twinge.

Petal- I know how you feel. It is hard when no-one seems to understand (especially parents...mine have their grandkids from my sister and I always feel like they think I am being a drama queen and it is my fault I am not pregnant as I am a stress head. I feel like my sis is more important and I am disregarded because worst case scenario, they have the "Heirs to the throne" and if I don't reproduce, oh well, at least they have two anyway. They just don't seem to get that although I am in love with my nephews, it is just not the same.)Best of luck to you. Hope this year is the year for your baby dreams to come true

Bonnie - I laughed at what you said about thinking about all the things you can do without kids and going out on "school nights". That is the exact same coping mechanism I use. It seems to work....so too does spending time with naughty nephews. Best of luck and babydust to you also.

I wanted to ask if anyone else is getting the whole kit and kaboodle of pregnancy symptoms each month but still get that dreaded AF.... I have had a few months of nausea, bloating, spotting and a tingling tongue in the TWW and still nothing. Has anyone else had a tingling tongue??

Apologies for the long post......best of luck to everyone. Positive vibes to you all
XXXXXXXXXX

[S'rose]

Oh Petal... Been there, done that... And tbh... after 34 months of trying with nada nothing and supreme zip and no identified barrier to conceiving, there is no miracle answer.

I have been on holidays, I've eaten and drunk what I liked in the tww, I've worked no end, AP, naturopathy, chiro, IUI, and the only thing that worked for me was time. I may desperately want a little one, but the little one is not ready for me. I have come to the understanding that its all happening according to someone else's plan - whether it be God or the Spirit baby, whatever you may believe. And strangely enough that has given me some peace.

I threw away temping and measuring and calculating and I now guess when I could be O'ing, but otherwise DH and I are living. Thats all that is within my power to achieve atm.

If you are spiritual in belief - have a look at the book "Spirit Babies - how to communicate with the child you are meant to have". That was my ultimate answer to letting go of control and allowing life to continue on.
That and women here who have miracle after miracle when they are told it can't/won't happen.

Good luck to you, I hope you can find some peace on this journey soon.

[AJC]

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling this way - it's torture. It took us almost 2 years to have a successful pregnancy and that 2 years was pure torture. I can so relate to some of your thoughts (especially the 'did I eat enough greens today' & 'should I have another glass of milk')!!! The weird thing is I can't really offer any words of wisdom because thinking back I really don't know how I got from one day to the next, it just seemed to happen. I remember focussing alot on house renovations & we went on a few holidays too (yes timed them so we would be able to bd while we were away & relaxed). We also had lots of nice dinners out, nice fine dining places where you wouldn't take young children. I think perhaps I just took it one day at a time, tried not to think about next week or next month too much.

Just know that what you are feeling is totally normal and not unreasonable in any way - it means you are human and you have feelings. It is awful though - for us even bd got a bit 'boring' sometimes cause sometimes it happened when neither of us really felt like it but just had to. Poor DH under pressure, shame we don't have a whole week or two when we are most fertile.

I found I felt most relaxed and calm about things when I was on a powerwalk with my ipod and a few favourite songs. It helped keep me fit and helped control my moods too - I noticed days that I didn't go for my powerwalk I would feel really angry. After I made that discovery I made sure I walked every day even if it was in the rain and on hot days I just went early morn or after dark.

I remember feeling the same when I would see pg women or women with babies (for me pg women upset me most), so much so that when I was pg with Sam I felt like hiding sometimes cause I knew there was probably someone out there who was hurting when they would look at my pg belly.

Big Hugs - I'm not sure what you have been through but when I held my little man in my arms for the first time I knew that I had made the right decision my persevering with the ttc journey and somehow it made everything that I've been through worth it.

Please just believe that it will happen - that you get that BFP and healthy Bub real soon!!!

The ladies in the ttcaml (trying to conceive after miscarriage or loss) thread are great, I found so much support in that thread during my ttc journey.