Hey everyone,
Just needing to vent on a thoughtless comment made recently by my MIL.
Context - we were discussing her birth control methods when she was married (and had 4 kids). She used the Billings method, and maintained that it was unreliable. I mentioned that it was pretty much the method that we are using at the moment, and she looked at me and said "Can you mother two?".
I mean, GRRRR! What a way to throw the confidence
We are not currently TTC, but I have gradually convinced myself (after a difficult baby and flirtation with PND) that I could maybe, possibly, perhaps, start considering another baby.
So anyway, now I am back on BCP cos i don't want to risk being a "bad mother" to two poor defenseless bubs.
Ok, that is not the main reason I am back on the pill, but her voice keeps reverberating through my mind. Does she think I am a bad mother? Does she think I couldn't handle another baby? Am I that incompetent???
OMG!! What a cow! Sorry but you dont even want me to get started on MIL and how they should keep their opinions to themselves.
You would be an AWESOME mum to 2 or even 10! And who is she to judge or question you?! Was she the ideal mother???????????????? More than likely not. And thats beside the point, do you love your baby? Could you love another? Of course you could! You are a great mum and she can go jump in a toilet!
Aw She is your MIL, the grandmother to your child(ren) and she should be supportive regardless. What a thoughtless comment to make. I am sure you are a wonderful mother, and even if you have had issues this time around, you may not next time. Especially if the PND flirtation was related to a difficult baby, which could be very different with the next baby as we all know no two babies are the same.
It was a thoughtless comment to make. I agree but perhaps she didn't mean it quite the way it came out. Do you have a good relationship with you MIL. Maybe that was just her warped way of showing concern. Perhaps she was referring to the difficult time you had with Bubs and was actually trying to be 'supportive'. Please don't take her comment on board as it truely was insensative. Just focus on yourself and your family and put her comments to the wayside.
How is it any of your MiL's business? Sounds like something my MiL would say, bless her. Or do something with her, anyway.
TBH, it could be innocent. Do you think you would like a second baby right now, would you like it? Or would you find it hard? Because everyone tells me how much harder having 2 is. Does MiL know about the PND and is she concerned for you? How did she find having 2, was it really hard for her to adjust? Did she bond well with her second?
Or it could just be MiL-itis. Don't I just look forward to DS getting married so I can come out with evil crap and no-one can pull me up on it because I'm MiL and DS adores me! Mwahahahahaha!
I'm just thinking that she probably meant it like "well it's not very reliable so u better get ready for another one" iykwim not saying that she thought u couldnt handle it.
BTW Billings is actually one of the most reliable but obviously to be effective the user has to know what ur doing, not like the pill or using a condom
I know how you feel, my family were less than thrilled about the prospect of us having #3 and made it known well before this bub was (very surprisingly!) conceived. We lost our second baby which pretty much devastated me, then had to go through IVF to conceive DS, it was a really tough 18 months. DS also hasn't been the easiest bub and I had a bit of PNA for a few months after he was born.
I choose to put their concerns aside and have confidence in myself that although there will be really tough days, I can do this. That's on a good day though - on a bad day, I'm terrified!
My gosh - what a horridly condescending comment to make! She was speaking to you as though you were a child. How did you respond? Comments like that can catch us so off guard that we are just stunned in the moment and then regret not saying something later on.
Don't be angry at yourself for that - she was WAY out of line there!
Besides, who's to say that your experience would be the same with a second child anyway? In most cases they are vastly different.
On another note - have you considered NFP (Natural Family Planning)? It is far more comprehensive than the billings method and does not have all the nasty side effects of the pill - one of which can be depression. The hormones in the pill change the Ph level of the body (turning it from a more alkaline environment to an acidic one) and this can lead to brain chemistry changing to conditions that are favourable for depression to develop. No - your doctor will not tell you that, but a Naturopath will.
If you do wish to remain on the pill - be sure to take a high potency probiotic (good bacteria) supplement (ask at your local health food store - needs to be kept in fridge). This will help to counteract the acidic environment that the pill creates and prevent you from getting subsequent acidity-based conditions such as thrush, candida, digestive problems, headaches and urinary tract infections.
All the best in dealing with your MIL. Sometimes silence is golden - and other times they need to be put in their place!
I wouldn't worry at all about what your MIL thinks or says. I'm quite sure my MIL doesn't think I can mother one, let alone two. But I have learnt not to care about it (mind you, it has taken time). Now I accept that she will always have a different way of doing things, and that she will never see agree with my ways.
Please don't let things that others say upset you. I am sure that your MIL was trying to be helpful rather than critical, but either way, you know yourself better than she does
Jelly - I have heard of NFP but am not sure of the difference? TBH I am wondering what is going on with everything at the moment, which is why her comments hit a nerve. I thought I had the "o" day sussed and was fairly predictable. Hence we went about business as usual, but am still getting EWCM at the mo (sorry TMI) so am a little bit concerned. On the one hand, I am ok with #2, but after her comments it really threw me into a panic! It just makes me feel that it is not a safe place to have a whinge and a moan without judgement and her thinking I am weak.
Oh well, time will tell and fate will decide the outcome, which I am at peace with, but telling her would be something that I wouldn't relish.
It is funny how one simple comment can change your perspective so much huh?
MIL doesn't think I can mother two!
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She is your MIL, the grandmother to your child(ren) and she should be supportive regardless. What a thoughtless comment to make. I am sure you are a wonderful mother, and even if you have had issues this time around, you may not next time. Especially if the PND flirtation was related to a difficult baby, which could be very different with the next baby as we all know no two babies are the same.
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