i am against termination but would support you in your decision to terminate.
There are several things to talk to the Dr about....
There are also so many factors all that leave you with worry and stress on your mind so i think you need to go with the 'least' stressful and hurtful one.
DNA test 'if' you were to go ahead with one....when's the earliest they could do it and how long till the results would come back so you can work out if you still have time to terminate.
If that pans out is there anyway you could speak to the 'other' guy, i dont know but if as you said you both regret it you could maybe approach him and say "I dont want to get into the ins and outs but im pregnant im pretty sure its DH's but i want to be positive can you provide a DNA sample? If it is yours i will terminate and we can move on, if its DH's then what happened doesn't matter (so to speak) and we can still move on" i don't know the other guy so dont know how he would take it but just an idea of how to approach it seeing as he already knows it happened your not really telling anyone.
Also if you continue with a termination will you be able to hide it from hubby? as in the appointment and your feelings afterwards
Lastly as someone else suggested i really think speaking to an outside party like a counsellor would be good for you. Despite the mistake you made you seem to have your head screwed on and are trying to look at this from every angel and talking to someone may help you come to terms with whatever you decide as it wont be easy on you either way. I just don't want your emotions over the turmoil get in the way of a clear decision for you xoxoxo hugest of hugs please feel free to contact me if you want to chat xoxo
Kate - hun I completely understnad not telling DH. I'm sorry but I agree I would rather live with the guilt myself then to destroy everything else around both families - I would be making sure the other guy in question is just as adament as you are though. Probably another unpopular choice also but I wouldn't be telling the other guy about the pregnancy. I know he has as much rights etc but it could seriously complicate the situation if he feels strongly about children now or in the future.
Have you got any previous cycle history to go on as for how long after you get your OPK that you ovulate - lutel phase length or anything. I hope your dr can help you but as another poster said ovulation and fertilisation is so unpredictable. My heart goes out to you.
I'm not putting this up to scare you and I totally support your right to choose, but please make sure you talk to your dr's about possible consequences of terminating and give some thought to the various situations that you could end up in. I have 2 friends who terminated pregnancies and then when they were ready to conceive, they had issues. The good news is they both have babies now, but it wasn't easy. And I'm sure it was very, very difficult when they were trying to conceive, went to the dr to find out what the issue is and this resulted in discussing/revealing the actions of their younger days with their current partners...and I don't mean hard because their current partners had any right to judge them, I mean hard because it was bringing up a time in their lives that they would have liked to push as far away as possible and paying an unfair price for a decision that was right for them when it had to be made.
Kate I am 99% sure it is your DH's baby, although some women may ovulate many days after the positive OPK, in my experience (both personally and posting in ttc groups for over 2 years) it is very rare to ovulate more than a day after the positive test. If your positive test was on Tuesday it is more than likely you had O'd before Friday, and you generally have to have DTD before ovulation or on the day to get pg.
I understand the mistake and completely agree with you that you and this guy need to keep it to yourselves. You will get over it. They don't need to know.
Hope you are able to settle down and enjoy your pregnancy!
I would like to remind everyone that we do not allow flaming or personal attacks. Any further posts seen to be doing this will be removed (as I have already removed a few) and the poster will be infracted without warning.
As they say if you have nothing helpful or nice to say, then simply say nothing. If you find this thread too distressing then stay out of it.
Oh Kate... big hugs to you, sweetie. What a mess - but, as with all mistakes, you'll survive. I'm sorry you've found yourself in this position, it's such a tricky one!
I have no personal experience with a situation like this, but I have heard a few times that it's nearly impossible to do DNA tests before the baby is born. There is the possibility of amniocentesis (sp?) or a similar test where cells are taken from the womb and tested, but be aware that these types of tests do tend to carry quite a high risk of miscarriage, so tread warily if you can and want to take that option.
I personally have no strong feelings either way about termination, only the woman involved can decide whether it is best for her or not as far as I'm concerned, so if you do decide that termination is your best option in this instance (and, tbh, if it were me I would probably choose to do so rather than 'dupe' my husband into raising someone else's child, or ruin the lives of the other man and his partner by having it all out in the open, kwim?), you have my support at least. As someone else said, there is a support group for those who are considering or have had a pregnancy terminated, they are a wonderful group of ladies who can share personal experiences and help you come to a decision that works for you.
And again, only you are the best person to know whether or not this should all be aired - I agree with others that a relationship based on lies is not preferable, but then nothing is black and white... you know your situation and you know what kind consequences would come from this, so whether you tell your husband and/or the other man involved is entirely up to you - again, you have my support in that.
I have sadly little knowledge of ovulation and fertilisation periods lol, I've never been 'regular' and conception has happened for me the minute I stop taking the pill so I've never had to do my charts etc, so I'm sorry I can't offer much advice on whether I think the bub you're carrying is more likely to be your husband's or the other man's.
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat about anything, I wish you the best of luck and I hope this situation is resolved with as little pain as possible. Stay strong
i havent read all the posts in this forum but would like to add my thoughts also. It could be either mans baby, and who is to say your hubby's sperm doesnt have issues and therefore the other mans got to the egg or vice versa, concieving is a very involved process, TRUST ME!
also ive been in a similar situation, my DF cheated on me 3 months into our relationship WITH a pregnant woman, she was too far along to say it was his but what is worse he gave me an std from it which caused alot of our fertility problems. He didnt want to tell me but if he hadnt and i found out once the disease had progressed to making me possibly sterile he would have taken more from me than my heart. The thing is these things come out in the end, i forgave him and he has become a new man it took almost 3 years but we are happy together and it does still haunt me sometimes but im glad he told me, if he hadnt and it came out years or months later i would have kicked him to the curb beause i would have felt betrayed everyday after it happened and he didnt tell me, not just after the one act. Also perhaps get tested for possible stds, they will with routine preg bloodwork anyway. I hope things work out and thati havent offended you but i thought a perspective of the otherside might help in your decisions.
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