sorry to hear its taking so long, so very frustrating! I guess the answer has a lot to do with your families - are you particularly close to both sides of the families?
On the one hand, if you mention you're TTC and having difficulties then you may find out some family history which may help.
On the other hand, if you don't mention you're TTC and are wed, then the pressure will just grow as your marriage matures, as people expect kids within the first year it seems.
I did mention to my parents we were TTC so it wouldn't be a shock - but at the time we weren't married so didn't want to let them think it was an "accident"! (like DH's family did, cause he didn't want to tell them we were TTC)
Maybe if you have a close sibling, confide in them? So you have that support, but also someone to say "lay off with the questions" at family gatherings?
I personally probably wouldn't tell for a while - to avoid the are you yet questions. I also would want to avoid the suspicion if you are when you do get pregnant but aren't ready to tell everyone yet iykwim.
I agree with what Trillian said - we have told some people that we are trying and they respect that it hasn't happened straight away and usually the girls who know ask me privately how things are going and offer advice / reassurance rather than hassling...
In saying that, people who don't know we are trying hassle the bee-jesus out of us and I'm starting to take it to heart and get upset when they do - which is totally irrational, I know, but I still get teary!!
Def go with your heart... whatever makes you feel comfortable!!
I think if you can set some 'gentle guidelines' as Trill put it, and you think they'd follow them, then it could work. Perhaps if you ask that they don't be the ones to bring it up, or something.
Depends on if you think that's fair to them - as in, would your mum be dying to ask how you are and if you're okay but not be able to check? Or would you put a disclaimer that she could ask, but if you said that you didn't want to talk about it, then she had to drop it.
As others have said, you will have the best idea of what will work.
Do you have other trustworthy friends outside of your family you could confide in? Just thinking that with non-family, it's not quite as emotional an issue, a friend won't get all excited about grandchildren or anything, and might be a good sounding board without it keeping her up at night.
My mum went & told a bunch of people, and that really bothers me & DH. We've had two fails now & I'm tired of people that don't have ANY business knowing asking me. Add to that, they ask me at inappropriate times/places. I do not want work to know, and one clown insists on asking me on the work bus.
*breathe...*
OK, so if I could change it, and untell my mum, I would. She doesn't seem to think ICSI is the right way to go & ignores all advice to the contrary.
I guess telling your parents comes down to how well you know them & whether they are likely to be like my mum!
We didn't tell family because we didn't want to be pestered with questions every month and also because, for us, it would have added an element of pressure. But I did tell a close friend.
my big regret about ttc is telling people. i really wish that i didn't coz if you get emotional or put on weight or anything that could be a sign people assume you are preg and pester you.
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it happens soon x
I think if you can set some 'gentle guidelines' as Trill put it, and you think they'd follow them, then it could work. Perhaps if you ask that they don't be the ones to bring it up, or something.
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