Very personal question. What if the timing is right but DH doesn't want to?

[GIDGET]

Ok ladies!
this has been bugging me, so I thought it best to get it off my chest.

This month we have "officially" started to TTC again but unfortunately when the timing was right, DH was not in the mood. He hasn't been well and has been really stressed out at work. This makes me upset because after my timing is more important isn't it..?? It is only those few days per month when it is possible. I don't like telling him when the time is right because this only makes him more stressed about it and I know it won't work.
So...
How do I stop getting upset when I know it is the right time and he doesn't want to?
How do you all cope?

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP!!!!!
GIDGET.

[*mitch*]

I wouldnt tell him about timing or anything.. I found my DH was less likely to want to if he thought the pressure was on IYKWIM...

You could always make a romantic evening of it & surprise him, dim lighting, sexy underwear.. that sort of thing... it may work...

Good luck.. but I know where you are coming from...

[sammy88]

Hey Gidget,
It is such a hard thing I can't stop getting upset about it....so you aren't alone!
Have you guys tried talking about it? I try to talk to my DH about stuff like that and he is very responsive, which is good.
SAM

[shellbell]

Likewise, I find talking to my DH about what my cycle is doing and why it is important to time more effective. I have even made him look at my chart and try to explain what it means. He doesn't really care (about my chart) I don't think but is sweet about feigning an interest - about the only thing he has taken on board is that we have to BD at the right times - so it was effective!!

[sassba32]

Hi gidget,
oh yes, my Dh used to have this problem. As the months passed by and he saw how upset I was and he realised we might end up needing medical assistance if I wasnt pregnant soon it all changed. He's very good now, I can hardly believe it!
I think when you start out the male part of the equasion thinks you'll get pregnant if he looks at you but if, and I hope this doesnt happen to you, it takes a while he might change his thinking.
If you are really worried and keen for pregnancy to happen asap I would recommend you talk to him about it after you ovulate, when the pressure is off and tell him about the importance of timing. Maybe find a way to let him know when you are most fertile ahead of time, casually draw a cross or a little love heart on all the right days (add a few extras either side) of a calender on the fridge?
I hope that helps, sassba

[Liz]

I had this problem sometimes! I agree that takng the pressure off with the 'timing' is good. But even if DH isn't in the mood - let's just say after lying in bed together and me initiating a little something.. he soon got in the mood.. even if it was for a quickie. LOL.

[Lissie]

Hi Girls,
I can't speak from experience as we are on IVF so no pressure for us in that way - however alot of our friends talk about this and one male friend said to me one day "She thinks its a performing bannana!" made me laugh - i agree with the other girls and just from what friends say - don't talk about timing just make it as romantic and hot as possible and you will get him in the mood - just leave the timing part out - it makes them feel that they MUST perform or else and makes them feel its all up to them - lets call in performance anxiety shall we. Anyway this is just what i have picked up from friends that have been TTC for years.

[Lenny]

Hi,
You are not alone. This is something that a lot of us have been through. I started off by putting pressure on DH saying right, nows the time, let's dtd. And he got less and less interested. I can't blame him really - i was kind of treating him like a sperm donor. Once we started Clomid - it was the nurses telling us to dtd, and he did what the nurses told him to, but sometimes it a bit of a struggle. After a few niggly fights, we talked about it and i did what the other girls said - sat down, explained dates, explained the importance etc. Then he asked me to please keep him involved, and he'd play his part and if we both made the effort, we could enjoy it all and still have some fun. He hadn't really wanted to know about ovulation and conception and all those other things, but he realised that if he wanted a family, then he was going to have to get some knowledge, so we could make our chances better.
Good luck Gidget, i'm sure you can get through this.

[GIDGET]

Thanks for all your replies ladies.

I am starting to get some creative ideas, thanks for the inspriration. Telling him re timing is not an option due to the performance anxiety thing. He is not good about talking about these things.

Also things a little more difficult now with young kids in the house but I am thinking chocolate and dim lighting IYKWIM after kiddies bed time. Also might have to take an interest in the sports he likes and watch with him.

{Might be TMI but DD was concieved during a sport watching episode. So far the family hasn't realised, or hasn't said anything about DD being born 9 months after his favourite sporting event. Might have to try that one again!! I was trying to space b'days out a bit, but oh well if it works!!}

[Roquen]

So glad someone else posted about this. I am going through the same thing at the moment and its causing some tears and stress!

DH understands timing and I think secretly does care, but I have decided after reading this thread, to not mention timing at all next cycle if I have not had success this time. I feel like its too much pressure for him, and I know he thinks all I am thinking about is a baby, not how much I love him or want to share the experience with him ifykwim

[Sarah-William-And-Hayden]

hi ladies i have been reading all of the suggestions
im lucky and dont have that problem but when i do need to talk to dh bout something like this he does not understand where i come from so i write it down on paper and give it to him (like a letter) and he understands and then he approches me and everything is good and if he cant talk about it then he writes back and we get around it just another suggestion hope that also helps
Sarah