I flit in and about here but dont really post....but now i guess i want to post somewhere that I dont normally cause I am not after my online friends to look after me or make me feel better but I feel I just need to let it all out.
My DH and I have been TTCing for about 8 months seriously, 9 months if you count the month we had no idea about the complexities of ttcing.
Needless to say we are still trying. I was doing okay for about 4-5 months, 6 months started to get frustrated, then the last two cycles its driving me bananas. I have gone from having nice regular 27-28 cycles to having a 34 day cycle to ff not even picking up my O so this one could go on forever it feels and its only been 28 days.
I feel so flat about it all. I have wanted a baby for so long but i just feel kinda defeated. Almost like i just dont care anymore which is ridiculous cause i care more than anything about having my own baby.
I lie in bed at night sticking my belly out holding it imagining what it is like to have a baby in there.
I am trying to let go and relax...no opking or hpting...just trying to bd regularly although this month it just went to hell in a handbasket due to outside stresses.
How do you relax when month after month you dont get pregnant. I have had close to 20 friends fall pregnant THIS year alone...I am finding it harder and harder to be so cheerful around them, I am genuinely happy for them but its hard, I dont want to start to resent them but I can feel it creeping in.
How do you pick it up and keep going every month. I know we still have a few months til we are considered to have fertility issues. We have had sperm analysis and blood tests to make sure I ovulate and all that is fine...
I would almost rather know I am infertile than just keep waiting, I just feel like my life is in limbo. My postivity is being zapped.
boywee that went on for longer than i meant and i could keep going all night. like i said at the beginning I dont expect people to make me feel any better or anything. I am not in tears but can get close to it. I just needed to get that all off my chest cause sometimes if you say it outloud (or online) people think they need to fix you and they can't, and it makes them and you feel helpless and frustrated. But if anyone has any great suggestions how they pick it up and keep being positive then I would love to hear that.
I have recently joined the gym and got a personal trainer to try and distract myself so thats a start
I went thru those exact feelings when we were ttc Ashleigh. It took us 16 months, luckily for us we did find a problem that was easy to fix.
Was a very hard time, I always like to be in control of my life and this was one area where I felt I had no control, didn't matter what we did wasn't working.
Considering that all your tests came back fine maybe it is a matter of time. I remember reading somewhere that even healthy couples only have a 25% chance of conceiving each month.
I can't help you much on why your cycles have gone funny, maybe try vitex? Its a natural drug that helps regulate your cycle and helps stimulate the hormone that is involved with ovulating.
I would say relax but I know its easier said than done, maybe try get away for a break just the 2 of you?
you are not alone! I am in pretty much the same boat as you and on the forum tonight looking for some answers.. advice?? something!!
Hopefully you feel a little better that it is not just you out there! I have also got friends everywhere announcing their happy news and know how HARD it is to smile and congratulate them when inside I can't understand what we are doing 'wrong' or why it is not happening?
We have been trying now for 10-11 months (minus 1 month that we were advised not too- pending test results... LONG STORY) Hang in there... I am trying to also, I am sure we will get the happy news soon. I have read that many couples take 1 yr plus to concieve.
thanks ladies, its so good to have places like the forums just to get it all out and off your chest.
Shellbell3 I think you hit it on the head with control. I have been able to be in control of my life totally until now. And thats probably what is the hardest. I have been doing all the things I thought could control this...eating well, cutting out coffee, cutting out alcohol and other bad things (apart from occasional diversions) getting fit etc....and it hasnt worked.
I think what scares me the most is if we just try for years and it STILL doesnt happen. I think it comes back to control. I want a cut off point, I want to know nope...you just cant have kids or yes it will take you exactly 18months...
Ahhh and I cannot take anyone else telling me to just have lots of BD!!! oh yeah cause if it was THAT easy none of us would have trouble lol
I reckon you should take yourself off to the doctor now. It sounds like part of your stress is the not knowing what's going on or why you're not falling pregnant.
I have heard a doctor say that if someone is having trouble conceiving it's ok to start to look at possible reasons why ,after 6 months has passed.
It can't hurt to start the ball rolling. Maybe you could also take yourself to see an alternative therarpist. I saw a chinese doctor and had accupuncture and stuff done for 2 months before I got pregnant. I also vaguely remember reading an article somewhere about the fact that women who were receiving IVF and had accupuncture right after having the whole IVF procedure done had a much higher conception rate.
Good luck with it, I hope you get to have a baby in your belly soon!
I just read that back (after I hit the 'submit reply' button) and don't think it came out quite right. I didn't mean that I thought you'd have to have ivf, just that there was a correlation between accupuncture and conception!
Guess I'm on the other side of the fence and hoping that you might be able to tell me what I should / shouldn't be doing.
We have some close friends of ours that have been TTC for about 18 months with no luck. DH and I started almost a year after them and are now 9 weeks away from expecting our bubs. I know they're happy for us and all that. but I can't help feeling a bit bad and try not to have too much baby talk around them. We're all sharing a house, so we're pretty much always together, and as much as I would love for her to be experiencing things with me and making a point of getting her to feel when the baby kicks, sharing little tit bits with her etc, I also feel like it might make her feel sad. (hope this is making sense), so I don't really fuss too much about the pregnancy at all - not that I ever want to become one of those women that can only talk about babies now, but I purposely do make an effort to probably avoid talking about it heaps so as not to upset them.
But, I also want to be able to help them and offer advice and support through their TTC but I find it hard to ask questions again for the same reason.
This is a complete babble I'm sure, but hope this makes sense, and hope someone can offer advice as to what you'd be wanting your pregnant friends to be doing or acting to help you.
Bea06 - its okay i got what you meant. We have had basic tests done..ovulation, thyroid, cholesterol and dhs swimmers and they were fine. Which I think is the most frustrating. It would almost be easier to haev something wrong iykwim?
The doctor told me to wait a few more months before we do more indepth testing. The waiting is just so hard though.
I am seriously considering acupuncture as well as going to get some herbs from Sharkeys Healing Centre. I am willing to try anything alternative cause really it cant hurt can it?
How did you find your chinese doctor? I have been searching and the only ones I come up with in chinese medicine are white people and I know it sounds silly but that doesnt feel right to me iykwim?
Juleswa - I think you should still involve her, shutting her out to protect her will upset her too so you can't win either way but i still find joy in my friends babies even if it makes me teary at the same time. Especially if you are living together. Now the one thing I wouldnt give too much of is advice on her own ttcing, specially all the chesnuts of bd more, or just relax and it will happen, or ovulation windows and stuff. Maybe just point her in the direction on these forums and she can sift through herself if she hasnt already. Having a pregnant person tell you how to improve your chances of conceiving can be a bit like rubbing salt in the wounds.
but maybe buy her some preseed and say hey i know this really helped us (even if it didnt) if you want it.
do some girly things together like get a massage so she is relaxing without realising it.
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