I guess my only comment is about your DD cleft operation. I can tell you (because I am a paediatric nurse who cares for a lot of cleft palate children) that a cleft palate operation is a significant operation, and your daughter will need a lot of attention and care. It can be quite painful, she'll need a lot of distraction and help feeding, and it will be a lot of work for you.

However, only you can know if you will be able to deal with this, so what ever your decision is, good luck!!