ungrateful older kids,dont even notice how much we do/pay/clean, contibuting to bills

[sue1386]

ungrateful older kids. they dont even notice how much we do/pay for them!

i have had some good years and experiences and some really bad ones of kids totally not realising how much we do and pay for them and treating me so badly and getting away with it as there is noone in the family who would put them in their place

i remember seeing a different situation where a father stood up and said to the teen' there isnt enough money that could pay your mother for what she does for you'

i'm really sick of this. we follow up health things, questions, education, we clean we buy food pay bills and they are so so so selfish and not recognising realising any of this.

he also says taht all his friends say its ridiculous that he should contribute to any bills, while in so many families this is needed and common and i cant afford allthe bills as a single parent and every child does add alot to bills.

I've given decades of my life to my kids and i'm feeling for my own health and progress i need to focus on myself, all areas of my life and not take them so seriously as they drain my health, and are so downputting. I feel gutted by their ungratefulness, tempers, rudeness taking without even realising how much they take etc. and truly i've had enough

any comments please.

how can i get them to be more grateful

they dont even notice how much work goes into returning things, getting things, following up things. so what am i meant to do , next time they ask for something or mention an issue tell them that in the past i've followed thigns up and helped them and thent hey act like i do nothing and are so ungrateful not even noticing how much i do for them , so i dont think i want to help in this situation.

its really tough to be a parent and be so taken for granted. the less i do the better fo rmy health i think but i've been alone in my life so i dont want them to be alone when they need support, but i do wish they would remember and appreciate much much more. they dont seem to remember or appreciate anything!

[BrightSparkles]

As i've said before, it's up to you to stand up and let these kids know whats happening and how you feel. Yes - I can imagine it would be hard, but until you start standing up for yourself, these kids are going to continue walking all over you.

I've given decades of my life to my kids and i'm feeling for my own health and progress i need to focus on myself, all areas of my life and not take them so seriously as they drain my health, and are so downputting. I feel gutted by their ungratefulness, tempers, rudeness taking without even realising how much they take etc. and truly i've had enough

It's up to you how your life continues. As my little saying says... don't let the events of the past determine what your future is going to be like.
You and only you have the power to change how people treat you.

[diannescruffy]

You are the mother so you should be putting your children in their place, no one else. If the older children are working I don't see anything wrong in making them pay some board and buying their own necessities. Only you can solve this problem.

Regards,
Dianne

[fourthontheway]

Wow, you are feeling really frustrated and unappreciated, I'm sorry

Maybe the way to go about this is to simply r=stop doing things that are not appreciated. If you wash their clothes and they don't thankyou, don't wash them again. If you can not afford to pay bills which are specifically for them, cut the service off.

They ned to learn to be responsible for themselves, and while you take on this responsibility out of love (very natural) it's not YOUR responsibility to do that stuff once they are of an age they can do it. What is the worst thing that can happen? they wear dirty clothes? They'll learn to wash pretty fast, they can't use their phone as much? When the money is coming out of their own pocket they'll see that it was hard for you and that they should have been grateful. If they don't return something (I assume you mean library books or dvd's ?) they'll get late fees, if they don't pay the late fees they can't hire books or movies. If the cards they're borrowing on are in your name, return the goods on your a/c and cancel the a/c or change the password etc.

I'm not saying do it all in one go - unless you want to! But you ARE entitled to some gratitude and respect.

Love to you, I hope you find the right solution xxx

[Tinks]

I totally agee with fourthontheway!

Stop doing everything that they don't acknowledge you do. They'll soon see just how much you do for them.


Can I ask how old your kids are?

I've read some of your other posts about this issue and while I sympathyse with you something sticks out to me.

To quote you:

I've given decades of my life to my kids and i'm feeling for my own health and progress i need to focus on myself, all areas of my life and not take them so seriously as they drain my health, and are so downputting. I feel gutted by their ungratefulness, tempers, rudeness taking without even realising how much they take etc. and truly i've had enough

To me it seems as though your kids are treating you this way because this is how you treat them. Perhaps you've unknowingly taught them to behave in this way.

[sue1386]

its a good theory to step back physcially and emotionally

in practice , some have extra needs and need support so they end up getting support even if they are in some ways a burden, or rude or unappreciative, unaware of how much time money everything takes, and at times i suffer from them being troubled, but i have compassion. a relative in my family was like that, mistreated, but always gave when she could. I am struggling with that. Its not what i want but it seems at times the best choice.