Wow, you are feeling really frustrated and unappreciated, I'm sorry

Maybe the way to go about this is to simply r=stop doing things that are not appreciated. If you wash their clothes and they don't thankyou, don't wash them again. If you can not afford to pay bills which are specifically for them, cut the service off.

They ned to learn to be responsible for themselves, and while you take on this responsibility out of love (very natural) it's not YOUR responsibility to do that stuff once they are of an age they can do it. What is the worst thing that can happen? they wear dirty clothes? They'll learn to wash pretty fast, they can't use their phone as much? When the money is coming out of their own pocket they'll see that it was hard for you and that they should have been grateful. If they don't return something (I assume you mean library books or dvd's ?) they'll get late fees, if they don't pay the late fees they can't hire books or movies. If the cards they're borrowing on are in your name, return the goods on your a/c and cancel the a/c or change the password etc.

I'm not saying do it all in one go - unless you want to! But you ARE entitled to some gratitude and respect.

Love to you, I hope you find the right solution xxx