Donor Conception General Chatter #3

[rather hazy]

Hi Ladies

I watched the program on SBS last night too and having found myself in the situation in which we may need donor sperm, I empathise with anyone needing a donor.

I would love to give somone the opportunity to have a child by donating my eggs. The idea had never occured to me before, it's amazing what a few short weeks can do.

The thing that concerned me most last night about the program was the donor 'mothers' wanting such a big part in the child's life. Having never had children myself, perhaps I don't know what it's like to see a child of my own walking around and not being mine. So I'm wondering, is this a basic requirement for receipients to want to have the donor 'mother' involved so deeply in the child's life? To be perfectly honest in my consideration for being a donor, I couldn't imagine anything worse. I'd rather give the egg and be done with it. Are my thoughts abnormal?

[blizz]

Oh, darn it!!! I missed the program I forgot to set the vcr.
I agree with you Rather hazy, I would rather donate my eggs and feel happy that they have gone to help some one who needs and appreciates what it means.
we know ourselves that you don't put yourself through this process without really desperately wanting to have a child so I think I would be comfortable knowing that I had helped some one who like me had no other options to have a child and who will never take their child for granted I have seen this happen frequently over many years of being involved with children's services.
at this point in our lives I feel that both myself and my husband would feel really awkward at having our SD actively involved in our lives, at this point he has indicated that he is unsure about meeting any children in the future, his reason for donating was to give back to the IVF program after having success with his wife.
Our opinions will likely change many times over the journey that we are on,

[MsPink]

With regards to the donor thing...if you are using a known donor - then it's up to you guys to come to some agreements well before conception/birth - hence plenty of councelling if necessary.
If getting 'stuff' thru a clinic - the law in NSW is that when the child turns 18 he/she has full access to the donors identity and can contact if they wish. I guess once any contact is established - up to the donor/child at that stage..

[rather hazy]

Oh, darn it!!! I missed the program I forgot to set the vcr.
I agree with you Rather hazy, I would rather donate my eggs and feel happy that they have gone to help some one who needs and appreciates what it means.
we know ourselves that you don't put yourself through this process without really desperately wanting to have a child so I think I would be comfortable knowing that I had helped some one who like me had no other options to have a child and who will never take their child for granted I have seen this happen frequently over many years of being involved with children's services.
at this point in our lives I feel that both myself and my husband would feel really awkward at having our SD actively involved in our lives, at this point he has indicated that he is unsure about meeting any children in the future, his reason for donating was to give back to the IVF program after having success with his wife.
Our opinions will likely change many times over the journey that we are on,

oh thank you Blizz, i thought perhaps I was 'insensitive' or something for not wanting anything to do with the process after the point of donation. I'll definitely give the idea some more thought.

[blizz]

oh yeah, welcome Deb,
your right gargy i remember reading a thread with a story that sounded just like Deb's but I can't remember where either, I'll have a bit of a poke around see if i can find it.
what was the first episode like ? I'll definatley watch the next one have written big note in black permanent marker on top of tellie unit!!!!
I hope AF comes quickly for you Gargy I've still got one more AF to go before I can ring Hobart AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
on the brighter side I have convinced DH that we need to have a holiday so we are now saving for a trip to Melbourne and we will be going in the next 3 months for a week and a half yaaayy, going to take DD to the aquarium and Zoo, let me know if you can think of anything else to do in Melbourne for a 18mth old.

[rather hazy]

ummm, does DH mean dear husband or donor husband?

[blizz]

definatley dear husband LOL!!!!

[rather hazy]

ok i'm a twit then, thanks, i just wanted to double check. LOL :-)

[blizz]

no honey you're not a twit you did give me a good chuckle though, I've barely got energy to keep DH happy let alone another one on the side he,he,he.

[alioops]

Hi all,

Deb, I am in Adelaide. I am a donor, but will wait until my family is complete. as there is nowhere else in adelaide (unless maybe flinders do it) I will be going to repromed once I have found recipients that i 'click' with.

I am 21 and have 2 daughters, 20 months and 5 months. how old is your older child?

[MsPink]

Ali - you are one in a million...thanks for being special..

[Millie08]

Hi everyone

The program was great last night. There were lots of tears for both of us. I can't wait for next week's episode. Blizz, you should set an appointment on your mobile phone .. I have mine set for 7.15pm every Tuesday night for the next few weeks as a reminder!! Hopefully Gargy, they will put it onto DVD so you can watch it too.

Having not gone through the IVF side of things (as we still need to make a definite decision about using a sperm donor).. it was good to see what was ahead of us (me!!). Looks fun!! All that poking and prodding!! I asked my parents to watch it too, just so they has some idea of what is ahead of us all .. both emotionally and physically.

As for us, we have been on the Xytex website for the past few nights, as that is where our donor will come from (in the US). You can pay to view the donor's baby pics and adult pics (if available) which is what we have done .. it's so weird sifting through all the possibble donors, their physical and medical details as well as their family history. But we think that the decision is so important, especially the physical characteristics of them and that of their families. My husband is extremely tall, so we wouldn't want to use someone who is extremely short.... Are we being too picky??

[baby4me]

Hi girls,

It is really heartwarming that you would even consider donation. I am sure that there are plenty of women like me who would be eternally greatful.

With respect to maintaining ongoing contact - not all recipients want this and this does cause some problems with some donors as they want to maintain involvement. I am not saying that you would take them straight to the train station after EPU & drop them off without even a thank you (that part of the sBS doco absolutely horrified me)...but I think I personally would be more comfortable with the occassional contact eg, email, perhaps photos - I don't real think I would be comfortable with the whole extended family thing.

Before I forget, I want to thank you all for the warm welcome.

Alisand0o1 - You are from Adelaide too - that is great. Also great is that you are considering being a donor when you complete your family. I don't know any donors from Adelaide but I wish I did as it would make life so much easier.

take care all, will be back later tonight.

Deb

[Caramello]

Hi Lulu,

Missed you being around - although if I miss you and Lissie too much I generally just sneak into the older ladies thread too - the people there are wonderful! I just find the thread goes incredibly fast for my poor little brain LOL!

I would love to have a copy of the two programs - I will PM you my details.

I hope everything is going well for you.

Hi Alison, my blogging friend! I think your plan to donate is absolutely brilliant! I knew from your notes to my blog that you are a wonderful person! GL with it all.

Hi RH, Blizz and B4Me,

Having done both, I think there is a major difference between unknown and known donors (from the perspective of using a SD - sperm donor). Using an unknown donor through a clinic, you don't have to worry about contact until the child turns 18. We had planned to tell the child all along that there was a third person involved in their birth, but had anticipated no contact until age 18.

With a known donor the lines are less defined. We are working it out as we go. At the moment we have agreed that our friend will be similar to a godfather or uncle - around, but not involved on a daily basis. We have been open with friends and family, and our SD has also been open with significant friends and family members. This has lead to a few issues with one of our SD's aunts who is being a little more enthusiastic than we would like, but we had a talk about it with him, and we are working though it.

Hi Millie,

You have really made me laugh! My DH is average height and our SD is short! The funniest thing is that I went with DH and bought a King sized single bed, saying to him 'Oh well, my family is tall, and your family is tall...' He looked at me and said 'Um, it won't be my genes, remember?' I had completely forgotten! When we told our SD he ROFL and said, 'I've never even touched the bottom of a single bed!' Oh well, hopefully our offspring will take after my family in this respect...

[blizz]

Gargy,
the godfather idea sounds good I was thinking, i guess for me the decision at this point is easier as we have used an unknown donor but if your donor was a part of your child's lives I guess it would be a little easier when the time comes to know about their conception they would have already developed a relationship with their SD and an understanding of the type of person they are, I hadn't really thought about it like this before hmmmmm, food for thought!

[Caramello]

Hi Deb,

I found the thread that I was talking about:

How do i answer this??

Mummy2Chloe sounds like she is having similar issues to you.

[baby4me]

Gargy - that is so freaky! Our stories are so similar. I think I might drop her a line tomorrow & see how she is going.

Thanks for that.


Deb

[Malyna]

dropping by to say Hi. Can't really add anything to the conversation, except I would be willing to donate eggs. DH is 6'1" (he used to be 6' before the hip replacements!), so wouldn't mind a tallish donor.

See.. I've got holiday brain... We still have a long wait ahead of us before we even get thinking about these things - SSC#2 for DH on the 23rd january (which is going to be a big painful one) and then waiting until the 28th March for the counseling session... I suppose what's another 3 months when we have already waited almost 4 years to get to this stage!