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Thread: How do i answer this??

  1. #1

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    Default How do i answer this??

    Firstly let me apologise if i have put this in the wrong thread, dont want to upset or offend anyone.

    I have been ttc #2 the moment dd was born ***warning tmi*** the moment the bleeding stopped after having dd we were straight back into trying for #2, so 6 years later and we are still trying and dd is at that stage where her little ears listen when you dont think she can hear or understand you. chloe has been asking me for the last year now when is she going to get a little brother/sister? the first couple of times she said i just brushed it off and assured her that it will happen one day, but she really is starting to push the point now chloe is always asking when is it going to happen, we see little babies down town and straight away she ask me when is it going to happen. everyone she know family,friends,school friends, they all have siblings.

    It is so hard going through infertility but it truely is breaking my heart to see her always talking about it, and asking when its going to happen, i keep telling her one day it might happen, but to be honest i just wish she would stop asking, it hurts so bad and to see the dissapointment in her eyes is not making the difficult journey any easier.

    I dont know how to fix this or to get her off of this and think about something else, i feel so bad i would do ANYTHING to give her a brother/sister. i often sit outside and watch her play and see her sitting on the tramp or the swings by herself and i think to myself how lonely it must be for her, i remember what it was like with 2 sisters and i loved it, i just wish i could give that to her



    If any of you could help or give me some advise on what i can do or even possible say to her, i would really appreciate it

    all i can say is STUPID INFERTILITY look at what not only you are doing to me, my soul & my confidence as a women but look at what you are doing to my dp and my gorgeous little girl

    once again i am sorry if i have put this in the wrong thread

  2. #2

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    I would try being honest with her (minus a few details LOL!). Tell her that you would love to have another baby, but you haven't been blessed with one yet. And that if it's meant to be, it will happen, and if not, you are so glad that you have one beautiful daughter. And if she doesn't have a brother or sister she will have more of your time, and she will have her friends to play with etc. GL with it, it must be so hard for you. I am hoping that you have your long awaited little bundle soon.

  3. #3

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    thanks MantaRay for your quick reply

    i had thought about telling her a few little details but i am so scared she would go to school and say something like " my mum cant have babies" or something along them lines, as she has done something like this before but it was when we were doing around of fertility drugs and she over heard us talking about the 2 eggs we had and she went a said my mum has 2 babies and i had to explain to her that they werent babies and theni had to try and play dumb to my friends that she had just said that in front of as they know nothing about our journey.

    i have mentioned a few times to her that we might not get a baby and she will stop talking about it for a day or so but then its like she forgets and starts telling me about what she is going to do with her little brother or sister when they arrive, and tells me names that she would like to call them.

    I suppose all i can do is just keep on telling her that it "might happen one day" but also tell like i have been that " we might not be able to have another one, but its ok cos she is my baby"

    i just feel so god damn frusturated as a mum, i can give this little girl anything she wants in this world but i just cant give her this

    thanks again MantaRay

  4. #4

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    I went through a similar thing with my DD who asked a lot of questions like that, she also cried when she figured out we'd had a miscarriage (at 4 mind you! She's a smart cookie!) and I had to explain to her that sometimes a body can make mistakes, or get confused and not make a baby properly or not even make one at all when it was supposed to. And that it would hopefully happen it just might take a little while. I didn't compare myself to others so that she wouldn't think there was something wrong with me (thats my burden and I didn't want to share it with her @ 4). She took it very well, and eventually we were lucky enough to have another baby but she did understand that it might not have happened. Like your daughter she would continue on with discussions about her sibling as though I had never spoke, but I took that as positive thinking and allowed her to do that.

    I think they are stronger than we give them credit for, its us who has to deal with our own grief, desperation, anger and then the concern for them on top of everything else.

    You are a wonderful mother, and I have everything crossed for you that your time will be soon

  5. #5

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    Hi just wanted to give another perspective as a child whose mum suffered from infertility and wanted to have a brother/sister but couldn't. Now as an adult I think back an relaise how much my pushing and questions must have hurt my mum but obviously kids just don't think of that but anyway my point was that I ended up having a wonderful only child childhood. My mum invited my friends and other kids in the neighborehood often and we did special things that we couldn't do if there was a baby around like go somewherre special (theme park etc.) Eventually I guess I stopped asking I can't remember how but I just wnated to give you the reassurance that even though you feel you are somehow denying her, it is OK. Not sure if any of this ade any sense but wishing you all the best on your journey and rossing fingers that you all get the miracle you would love!

  6. #6

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    Aaww - it's all perfectly normal, esp for a 5 year old to want a baby in the house. DD didn't stop hassling me from about 5 to 11 years (when DS was on the way). I didn't have fertility issues (unless you count being SINGLE!), I just didn't want another right then. I didn't discuss the ins and outs, I just said 'one day', and left it at that.
    Although I did end up having fertility issues with my husband (THE IRONY!), and it started clanging in my head when she asked when her sister was coming. Remember she isn't wondering what's wrong, she just wants the baby.

    Hang in there

    xoxoxoxo

  7. #7

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    We aren't TTC atm but DD1 keeps asking where her brother is. All the time, she asks me & DH when her brother is growing in mummy's belly. So I know she understands some of it but I can't believe how desperate she is for her brother. Its really hard because we have discussed TTC again and aren't ready for things yet but she asks us daily.

  8. #8

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    wow thank you ladies sooooo much for your replies

    ~Saram~ thank you so much for giving me an insight on what it is like as an only child with a mother that had infertility. I think that my dd chloe is having a good child hood as she gets all the attention, she never has to go without, we are always doing something together, we have kids from her school that come over every now and then to play and sometimes sleep, her cousins come into town 1-2 times a week and they all meet at nanna's place and play for a few hours.
    So thank you for your post, your the only person i know that has gone through what my dd is going through right now. For some reason i have be stuck on what i CANT give her instead of what i can give her and have been giving her and i feel at little better about our situation, so thanks so much darl

    Lulu2 & christy it makes me feel so much happier to know that its not just my dd who is asking for a baby it sounds like alot of kids ask it. thank you for your reply

    Niliac thank you for your reply, i will definantly agree kids are alot stronger then what we think and they are very clued on to situations, my dd knows when i am having a sad day with my infertility, i try very hard not to show it but she must just feel it, as she will be very clingy and cuddly and wants to sit on my lap to watch tv instead of the lounge, my last failed iui which was 2mths ago i was pretty devastated but i always put on a happy face in front of her, but my first night with af i was sitting in the lounge room in complete darkness crying quietly it was around 2.30 in the morning and i couldnt sleep and i didnt want to cry in bed in case she heard me, so i was out in the lounge room and chloe actually came out to me and sat on my lap and she never said a word she just cuddled me and gave me a kiss, i couldnt believe it this is a little girl who hardly EVER wakes up at night and this is a little girl who is terrified of the dark, but that night she woke up and walked into a very dark room ( i am suprised she actually found me it was very dark) and she just sat there cuddling me, i felt so bad and i still do i cant believe she seen me in such a state. my dp works away from home 10days away 6 day home, he was actually away when we found out that we had failed again, maybe she felt she had to step in and help out, i dont know but can a nerly 6 yr old understand THAT much???????

    i know i have already said it heaps but thanks for your replies they have really helped

  9. #9

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    m2c I think she understands because you have raised her well. For her to feel the need to comfort her mother is beautiful. And even more beautiful is that you let her! I think its always important for our kids to see we are only human, we are not robots and we too have emotions. And also to allow them to comfort us. Paris has been there to comfort me many times. I just asked Paris "Does it make you sad when you've given mummy cuddles when she was sad." "No mummy it was good, not good because you were sad, but good that I could look after you because you always look after me." I also think back to my childhood, there is no way I would have been allowed to console my parents, and they would have seen it as a sign of weakness for me to know they were in need.

    You are doing a wonderful job

  10. #10

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    Niliac thank you so much you have made me feel so much better, chloe and i are really close sometimes maybe to close, as she likes to have friends sleep over but she doesnt like to sleep over there place and i ask her why and she tells me that she like to be at home with me, i try and make it sound like heaps of fun to sleep at friends places but she will only go over there till it gets dark and then she wants to come home, she can be gone from the moment she wakes up till the sun starts to go down with out missing me but the moment it gets closer to bed is when she wants to come home, it doesnt bother me i know that eventually she will grow out of it and will never want to come home lol so i think i will enjoy it while it last, she wont be little forever.

    thanks again for your reply i feel alot better

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